-
Posts
-
He called me 2.5 hours ago.
I’m still kind of shaking. It’s all I’ve been thinking about, imagining, these last 2 months- him calling me. And now he did. I didn’t pick up, though. I was too nervous, confused… I didn’t believe it was real.
I told to myself – don’t get your hopes too high. He might be calling only to return my things. My guitar and some books are still at his place. But I hope, hope, hope there’s more than that.
I’ve been so patient. So obediently following this rule. I was the textbook example of following this rule. Still am.
This call turned my whole world upside down.
Guys… my heard will explode.
How do I calm down? 🙂
My question:
Should I call him back tomorrow (it’s night time here) or stick to my prolonged 60 days NC rule? (Me being so excited somewhat shows that I’m not “cool” enough and maybe ready to shine)… and eventually send magic letter, as I planned…I’m so so so so so excited right now and happy… gosh, I can’t burst my bubble right now, finding out that he called me only to give me my stuff back. :-/
Great! My advice to you would be to text back in 20-30 minutes. “Hey _____, I saw your missed call, but I’m about to run into the movies with a friend (or just got out). Chat tomorrow.”
Ball is in his corner. You aren’t playing games per se.
If he wants to chat, he will try you again tomorrow 🙂Hey, all one
Idk, even if it’s just to return stuff, calling is a bit more ‘caring’ than a text or email. I think it’s a good sign yes (even though you definitely should modulate your expectations!)
And yeah, it sounds like, even after 50 days, he still produce very intense reactions on you, which can be harmful in terms of showing who you are and how hard you worked out to improve yourself.
So, try to take a deep breath or count till 10, etc, every time you think about him. I know it’s silly, but you gotta tell somehow your own body that you don’t wanna overreactions. Be calm 🙂
Anyway, the message is a really good idea. Good luck!
Thank you Bat, but it was all for nothing. Simple mistake by his side. He was probably erasing my number.
All this NC stuff was for nothing.
Thank you, everyone who tried to help.
I give up. Won’t be coming to this site any more. The game is for me over.
Don’t give up. He could be lying that it was an accident. Your number was still in his phone. He was not going to erase it. I would stick to your plan and still send the letter. He was nice & told you to enjoy the movie. No harm no foul. Maybe that text you sent was all he needed for him to think about you again & bring back positive memories. Don’t give up. It wasn’t that bad.
I wrote Hej J. I saw your missed call, but I’m still outside. We’ll talk tomorrow.
And then he responded “Enjoy. I called by accident.”
And the same message came 2 minutes after.
It crossed my mind later that he was lying. He never called me by accident when we were together. Nor anybody else, for all I know.
What sadden me more is that he ignored my part “we’ll talk again”. This way he kept his integrity (by calling my by “accident”). And I compromised my NC by offering to talk tomorrow…
I don’t know. My mind was messy enough, I don’t need this sort of mental torments on top of everything.
So sending the letter won’t be foolist after all of this? (I mean, he did have a chance to “call me tomorrow”. But he rather chose to say it was a mistake.)
Would letter even matter?
Depends, what do you want to accomplish with the letter?
Its going to take time. He may read the letter & not respond to it at all but it will make him think. People don’t always respond the way you want them to so you may need to give him time to digest your letter, wait a few weeks then send an unrelated text.
Honestly, I don’t know… If this today didn’t happen, I’d send him a letter in 2-3 weeks time saying we should catch up, that I’m doing much better and don’t hold grudge… you know, the usual “magic letter” stuff.
But yes, I was hoping we would get together at one point. I can wait, obviously. But I need to have a clear vision, something worth waiting for.
Tonight, he didn’t take an opportunity to start a small talk, ask me how I was doing, … anything. He was short and simple. No questions.
I wonder, am I the only one who is hurting. Who is trying to find a solution. I am visiting this site daily, have 114 posts, read about break ups and reconsiliations, male psychology, trying to improve myself… working my ass off, hurting really badly, crying myself to sleep… only to come at this wall.
It seems it was all in vain. I just feel sooooo disappointed and even cheated.
I’m really out of any life force and life energy right now. I’m gonna go to bed, hope new day will clear my thoughts.
Thank you so much for reading, I don’t know what would I do without this forum!!
Sorry, all one, but for me it sounds like he sees you as a weak and needy person still.
Independent of trying to move on or get him back, you gotta change it. Act like you don’t care and like you are healed, specially because it’s been 50 days, so he is assuming you are still hurt and you can show him you are doing good.
Idk, maybe a msg? Something that says ‘oh, ok. That’s alright :)’ idk. But I feel you need to change the way he sees you.
Btw, it sounded a bit rude for me. Or maybe he was like ‘testing’ you. Anyway, show you are fine 🙂I think he’s lying about the accidental call.
He definitely wanted to talk, and now he’s scared to address it.Give it more time.
He will call again.
If not, send the letter in 2 more weeks time.60-90 days is the crucial time in getting an ex back.
I’m now at day 51 since the breakup. Sent the letter at day 32, and we talked day 33, and text on day 35 and 38. I text her and she went out of town, no response now 9 days and I’m not going to try again.Just hang in there.
He will be back.Hey all one! I can see the hurt in your voice.. I wish I could give you a virtual hug now! Stay strong friend! 🙁
And please please don’t give up here! After you’ve been holding on for so long.. don’t give up here maybe there’s just a big loop hole before you reach your destination ? At least after you try your very best then maybe you will realise you don’t deserve this pain and finally moving on for good but you haven’t give your very last best shot right?For the ‘accidental’ call I feel there is more story to it. Have you ever thought that maybe he still miss you and actually did hope to get another chance with you so he called to catch up but the way you say you’re going on a movie with a friend is letting him know that you’re spending time with someone else and not thinking of him. Therefore he puts his defences up and ‘act like it doesn’t matter’. And he choose to let you see this side of him to let you know that all this doesn’t matter to him at all.
So don’t let this mini storm hold you down al right. I know it’s a very hard process.. when thinking, we’re the only one fighting. Every day, waking up feeing like part of your heard is ripped.. but it’s all worth it in the end, I know that. We may end up together again with our ex, stronger than ever. Or we’ll learn how to pick up all our pieces and move on because we DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. We deserve to have someone that love us like we love them. So don’t throw everything away when there is still hope. Don’t let this ‘accidental call’ bother you because there may be more story behind it like all the other said. Send him the letter after 2-3 weeks and ask him about that catchup. At the meantime, take this time for more internal changes. Practice awareness and acceptance ( you can search more on this) and try meditation ( to learn to take control and calm our emotions) . Statistics proves that most reconciliation happens after 60-90 days and I feel there’s a solid prove behind it. So keep holding on 🙂 We’ll be here to give you advice when you need us!
Listen, the whole point of NC is to better yourself. To find out that you can be okay on your own without your ex, thats what becomes so attractive to your ex. And you absolutely can, but maybe throughout the NC rule you were going through your days simply going through the motions per se, and just waiting for him to call…and guess what he did. But you were not ready for this, because you did not accomplish what you needed to accomplish which is understanding that happiness comes within yourself, not someone else. I think it would be best for you to keep the NC going until you are truly happy on your own, and YOU CHOOSE you still want to be with him. Within this next 2-3 weeks that you set for yourself go out and be happy. Do something every day that makes you happy, and you say WOW im F**ckin proud of myself, and then make every day better than the last. It sounds extremely cliche, but I’m telling you it will benefit you so much. It may not be easy, but you HAVE TO push and make yourself and really try your hardest to be happy WITHIN just you and not WITH someone. You will of course still think about your ex which could make things difficult, but do things for you. Become the attractive brilliant person he fell in love with again, even if he doesnt come back around someone else will because thats the person he fell in love with which means that someone equally as good if not better will come around to you again…and just to brighten your spirits a little bit. He absolutely did not call by mistake. I have used that excuse once or twice, but now since it may have seemed that you were out on a date (the text message you sent was very ambiguous which could be a good thing because now all he is thinking about is who was she with) he once again wants to have the upper hand. But, hey so be it, because you should know deep down that he does not. You do. He misses you dearly, just as much as you miss him I can assure you that. But the only way for him to not have an upper hand on you is for you to keep your 2-3 week rule, and than write him a letter about something great you have done while you two were broken up. Tell him you wanted him to know, because you thought of him when you did it and how amazing it was and he would have enjoyed it. Maybe something that your advising him to try because you know he would love it. I honestly hope my advice helps you. Be strong and Be happy.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.