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Long story and very detailed. So I met my ex a few weeks before I turned 17 but he had just turned 19. So with in a month we were dating and everything through out the whole relationship was good. As someone who has issues with loving people and tbh he did too we didn’t say I love you to each other till our 6 month anniversary. He told me then that he loved me bc I made him feel good about himself bc he hadn’t for a while. After that we said it all the time to each other and he’d always tell me he didn’t expect to love me as much as he does. Then around thanksgiving we were like wow we have known each other for a year and then we spent all of thanksgiving together and the weekend.
Then that Sunday he acted a little different but I didn’t really think anything of it. We had plans for the next couple days but he kept blowing me off saying school was consuming him and not texting me back etc and then he had a band practice and I got mad bc he had time for that and not me. (Dumb) then he blew up on me saying he was upset bc I said something insensitive to his friend. Which I had apologized for. So we had a little fight (we never fight too cause we always tell each other what’s wrong) and real quick back story (after I graduated high school I lost a lot of friends bc they never wanted to hang out with me bc I was the only one with a bf and tbh even almost 6 months later it still hurt bc I don’t really have a good relationship with my parents and so I only had him and everything was making me feel awful) during that week I really wanted to talk about it bc I knew I had been super clingy and bc my birthday was coming up I felt like shit cause no one was going to be there for me but him. so on Thursday he wouldn’t answer me so I kept texting him and then he called me and was like let’s meet up instead of saying to meet at each others place (so I knew what was going on but I just wanted to talk so I could apologize to him) I physically couldn’t get myself to go out and meet him so I was like if you’re going to break up with me do it now and he did and I was like why and he said bc it’s the way you talk to people and you need to work on yourself and I asked him if he loved me still and he said he didn’t know and told me that he wasn’t happy (the same excuse he used with other exs) and how he had felt that way for like 2 weeks and I just cried in the phone pathetically for like 20 mins trying to bargain with him and then told him how I needed him and then confessed how I wanted to break up with him for like a week but didn’t bc I loved him and then he was like I have nothing more to say so I hung up.
After a couple hours I texted him a ton of things that were on my mind till he finally answered and was like I over exaggerated the fact that it was 2 weeks bc I felt like that on Sunday and then realized everything and he said he still wanted to be there for me. But I continued to text him all weekend with no response. I liked a couple of his Twitter posts too. Then on my birthday I texted him saying how much I missed him and how I still wanted to go out with him and blah blah. He texted me back and told me happy birthday and that he had been thinking about everything and he would talk with me but I ended up having plans that day afterwards so we decided to meet in two days and then we texted a little bit and he said he hoped my birthday was better and then I sent him a clingy text and he stopped texting me. But the day came when we finally were going to get back together and talk and we met at a mall and be brought my bday gift (tbh he got it for free but I knew when we were dating he was super excited to get it for me) so I thought we were actually going to get back together. We ended up talking and he apologized to me for everything he did and the way he did it and he said it was the worst thing he has ever done and I asked him again if he still loves me and he said he didn’t know and that he didn’t want to be in a relationship (not even with anyone else) and how it wouldn’t be fair to lie to me about his feelings.
He told me he was going to do it after my birthday but he said lying to me would be worse. He asked me why I had wanted to talk all week and I told him about how sad I had been and he told me he would still be there for me.(idk if he was just saying that to be nice) I told him that was bs because we’d probably not see each other ever again but he said “you don’t know that”. It seemed like he didn’t want be there but I asked him to get food with me and we went and got food and talked and laughed and acted like how we were when we first started dating and we’d touch a little bit. He even asked to finish my food so I let. Then we were joking around and he was like “oh f*ck me” and when he realized what he said he was like “you didn’t hear that” but I was like “no I did” and he was like “that wouldn’t be casual” so it kind of gave me some hope that he wanted us to be together again. Once the restaurant closed we sat outside and talked for another hour before he was like I need to go home and do hw. So he walked me over to where I needed to pay for parking and almost payed for my parking and then we hugged and he was like “bye I’ll see you sometime” and I was like “maybe over break” and he was like “yeah maybe”. He ended up snapchatting me something after I went to bed that night too.
To be honest I think he just need space bc he was so consumed with school. Then the fact that I had been clingy and somewhat not emotionally available for him and I knew in the past weeks our relationship had changed but that happens and I had been meaning to talk it out with him so we could get back on track. I think he made a real rash decision to break up bc I know he is constantly in his head. I’m hoping he was just scared that we had been dating for so long but I didn’t think it was that. I’ve snapped him once since then and he has snapped me back like how we used to. I’ve also made it known that I’ve been seeing other people so in someways I hope that doesn’t make him not want to try things again. He’s also not really the type to admit when he is wrong so I’m scared if he does miss me he won’t acknowledge that he wants to try again. Even tho I want to text him and ask him to go out for sushi over break I know I should start the NC period but it’s killing me to not talk to him bc he is my best friend. Our anniversary is New Year’s Day and that’s killing me to because we had plans and everything. Do you think there is a chance that we could get back together?
Listen, I’m sorry for what ur going through. I know how rough it is.
You have to just give him space, stop texting, no snapchat or any social media. If he wishes you a happy Christmas be polite and say it back but that’s it. Ur going to hear this alot and I’m not saying it in regards to no contact but right now for you, less is more. He left out of frustration, so right now your best choice is to give him space and let the negative thoughts go away. Your so young, still haven’t been through all life’s experiences and Im not setting an age limit on love or anything like that but seriously, you are young. Stop stressing yourself out and go have some fun, you say you don’t have many friends but you can always stay busy and there’s a million things to do. The more you push him, the more he’s going to really pull the trigger and stop talking to you. Trust me, before the girl I’m with now I dated a girl for about a year and a half, I broke up with her for the same reason, she got clingy and accepted me to put other priorities over her and we would argue till one day I snapped and walked away. She chased me for MONTHS and it got to the point where I literally hated seeing her. Well after a month of chasing she left me a letter at my house and apologized and told me she’s happy with my choice and that I was right. And I never heard from her for a month straight. I actually got confused and started feeling regretful about it. We met up and she looked amazing, in shape, dressed to kill but most importantly? her attitude changed and she never brought up the past. I was instantly attracted to her like the day we first met. Unfortunately it could of been a success story but I was moving to another state to pursue a job and I don’t do LDR.
The point I’m trying to make, is your basing your happiness off of a male. I get it, breakups are almost like an addiction. Ur miserable and stressed and angry and every other emotion, it’s not healthy. You need no man to make you happy, having a partner in crime is just a bonus. Say sorry, you understand why he left and then go NC and that’s it. he will eventually reach out to you.
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