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Horkutr,
When you feel alone, with negative thoughts, write here!
Please know that we are all always here for you.
I’ll help you any time 🙂
It’s ok to be graphic in your metaphors, it’s good you’re letting it all out. The Toni you loved is deep down inside somewhere but it’s like a switch went off and here is the new one today. What I went through is nothing compared to what you went through. I think you took it a lot harder than I did. Of course I took it hard but not in the same way you are taking it now. You have such raw emotion at the surface and it’s ok to feel the way you do. But even if other situations are shittier than yours, you can’t always compare. There are always going to be other people out there worse than we are.
What you’re going through is extreme depression. My grandfather hurt his back in the 70’s and ended up bedridden for a year, got extremely depressed, shot and killed himself. I hope you’re not at that stage. Love is never logical, ever….it always is something you can’t explain why or how, but it happens. What you have to come to terms with is, she is for all intents and purposes the love of your life. I won’t say you’ll never get over her but nothing is ever going to be easy. Within time perhaps the pain will subside. I use the phrase I’ve been told before….time heals all wounds but not all wounds heal correctly.
I think she cares a lot about you for talking to you for 3 hours on the phone. I also think she needs to see that not everything out there is as wonderful as she thinks it is. She may get really hurt by this guy and see you in a different way. I don’t want to give you false hope, but still there is a reason things are the way they are and it’s not because you messed up. Believe me, I did nothing but blame myself when my ex and I broke up but 95% was her fault. I take some responsibility which you can too but a lot of it is because she was going to do what she wanted.
Now, you can sit there and blame yourself saying you aren’t enough for her or you’re the one that messed up, but what is that going to solve? At some point, you are going to have to get to the part where you say, she is the one who broke up with me. She is the one who wanted it this way, not me. As you said, you didn’t ask for this. You can blame it on your social anxiety or you weren’t enough but that’s taking the blame completely off of her.
Just for some reason, your two spirits aren’t aligning right now. I hate to be repetitive but all you can do right now is focus on you, getting stronger and more stable to where when/if she decides to come back, you will be more ready.
hey Phil,
Nice words and helped me too 🙂
I Liked when you said Just for some reason, your two spirits aren’t aligning right now
Thanks
You’re welcome Mister Handy. Everyone has a higher self and their spirits can often times come in alignment together which is why it’s so great in the beginning but then something happens and things shift causing them to get out of orbit. If 2 people are destined to be together, God and their higher selves will make it happen no matter what. We often times get mad at God saying He is the one who caused this to happen or He doesn’t want me to be happy. God is not disturbing free will. (The movie Bruce Almighty, although a comedy explains this pretty accurately). Sometimes these things that happen are out of our hands. We can often times plead or do something to get the other person back but if things aren’t in alignment or not ready to happen, we end up in fights and things just aren’t as perfect as they were before in the beginning.
Sometimes things sort themselves out if we’re patient enough and other times we find someone else. Some people come into our lives for a season, some people are for a lifetime. We would love for the ones we’re in love with for it to be a lifetime, but for whatever reason, it doesn’t always happen that way. Breaking up with someone (especially if you’re the one who was broken up with) is one of the hardest things in the world. It hurts like a son of a bitch because your mind usually thinking logical says….how the hell can this be? It doesn’t make sense. Then your heart hurts and aches for that other person and you get super depressed. Being in love can be the greatest thing in the world and at the same time be your worst nightmare. But I truly believe we’re not all meant to suffer endlessly (even though it sure the hell feels like it). There is a glimmer of light (this board and all the ones who care….family, friends) in that circle of darkness, which is why we all have to reach out to those that aren’t in the middle of the situation for advice and support.
Im grateful for your words and advice. I know I should work hard on myself and show her that I’m way more capable than she must think I am and do the whole “Im gonna make her see what she let go.” thing. At least that’s what people tell me. And i get it. I need to be positive and improve myself regardless of her. I just… dont feel like doing anything.
Yesterday i spent 15 hours playing No Man’s Sky, just losing myself in the space exploration, not wanting to think. I feel so emotionally unstable right now and my energy is so low. All i feel like im capable of right now is this.
Some people told me i should use my anger as energy. Go to the gym everyday and just get angry. I do have anger about this. Feeling abandoned and betrayed, but mostly it’s all buried underneath the sadness and sort of numbness. I feel so apathetic to everything right now. Like nothing matters much. I know I probably will go semi back to normal in time and maybe then I can work hard at the gym and stuff, but right now I just feel so cold, hollow and numb.
I am wanting to get lost in space too 🙂
I will buy this game
I think this weekend start my journey! These days, I have not been able to play video games to be very discouraged :(.
It’s a good game to lose yourself in. Don’t think. Just wander around planets naming critters mining materials, meeting weird aliens and flying in space. It’s very open and doesnt hold your hand or tell you where to go. It’s easy to get lost if you’re not careful and you can sometimes strand yourself places if you run out of supplies but that’s okay. Like Bob Ross says, it’s your happy little world. You can do anything.
I am from cameroon. I can clearly relate to you especially with the anxiety problem. My girlfriend and I separated just the same way as you and I did all the mistakes you did. It is about two months now. Though I still love her and have slight hope we could be together. I will not kill myself if it does not happen. I know I will love and love again. I read your story as a vistor and just had to reply to cheer you up. We people with anxiety are always seen as weaklings because we can’t hurt or be mean to people. Let me tell you it is good to be good and kind and attentive. If she does not need that now and wants to date some douche bags to have “experience” that is her call. She has no right to tell you what to be or do. It is all about her. How she want to be treated in the future and so on. please Have hope. You will love and love again. I CAN ASSURE YOU OF THAT. It may take sometime but you will fall on a great person. I am just wondering how you can even feel worthless. You know music, you know how to play games, you can drive , all that at 24. You are just amazing if I had ur skills I will be changing girls weekly. You just need to accept there is nothing u could do about it. It is normal you feel she was the one holding u. She is older and women are always more mature than men. I think you should realize that your happiness should not depend on somebody but on yourself. It is hard now but it will be better. The is not a dateline but trust me I can assure you it will be better. You said you have your grand parents. Try to find comfort in them. You have them. They will always love you unconditionally. Romantic love is good. But try to balance with family love. connect with old friends. I can assure you it will get better. You are extremely young. In fact when you start enjoying life you will even wonder how you became so happy. You need to give it time. I will advise stopping communication with her. It is only gonna hurt. I see you need to reach out. Trust me dl that with family. Do not stay alone. Cry with your grand parents. No shame in that they are old cannot laugh at you.I tell you “exploit” them. They have all the time.They will even be surprised you have been battling with this all alone. I see you very happy. Do not use a partner for motivation in the future. It is hard to find what you love but trust me you will. I almost resign from my programme in university but I was encouraged by my father. Today am a medical doctor and at very good at it. It is not your end. Feel free to Email me. I have so much connection to what you live now. You will be well. You will feel amazing excited fulfiled. You will be great. I can see being so happy in the future. And making a lady crazy witj love. Just hang in there keep hope. I hope I could play piano. I have tries just too hard and am too impatient. Looll. Cheer up man we are here if you need us
Thanks Bleckleroc. I am trying.
Yesterday one of my friends invited my friendgroup over to his house to play board games and such mostly because he wanted everyone to meet his new girlfriend. Yesterday I felt so sick and dizzy the whole day, I really didn’t want to go but I ended up going anyway for about 3 hours. It wasn’t very much fun for me, I just watched them play a board game. There were too many people for it so I sat out. Really just ended up sitting there for 3 hours thinking on the sofa. I finally left because I felt like I was starting to have a breakdown. Seeing my friends with their girlfriends being happy and everything just made me so sick because I never got to experience physically being with her, introducing her to my friends in person (they all talked to her over the phone and were excited to meet her), holding her hand, rubbing her back, giving her my sweater when she’s cold, etc. I just couldn’t stand it anymore and I had to leave.
While I was there, my friend in israel, the one who helped me with her during that month of no contact, told me he was in the hospital. I’m not sure exactly what happened. I think his boyfriend broke up with him and something happened. He’s on a bunch of medication now and seeing a psychiatrist. I’m really worried about him.
Pretty much nothing else would get me to talk to her in this period, but I felt like this was important and he is her friend too, so I messaged her telling her that he’s in the hospital and to give him some support if she’s not too busy. Well, she never responded to me, she never talked to him and she changed her profile picture on whatsapp this morning. Looks like she went hiking or something. *sigh* She looks so fucking beautiful and I hate it and I’m so upset at her for not responding to this. But whatever. Who knows what she’s doing or thinking. I imagine that 3 hour conversation we had the other day gave her a lot to think about and talking to me again won’t be easy.
I probably shouldn’t have said anything to her at all, but she’s always been better at helping people in these kinds of situations than I am and I was worried for my friend. And he is her friend too, so I thought it the right thing to do.
I hate seeing her picture every time I open whatsapp. Just like little knives in the chest every time. I tried to delete her chat window but it’s so long that it never actually does it. I leave it “deleting” for like 10 minutes and it just sits there and I always end up just canceling it because I want to do other things with my phone.
Lately every time I look in the mirror I just see a very sad person. disappointed, hurt and alone who misses her and would give anything to have her back. and it’s to the point where I can hardly even look at myself anymore. I don’t even feel like it’s me anymore. I don’t know. It’s day 6 from the 3 hour phone call and I don’t even know how long since the break up anymore. Months… I am trying not to fall completely to pieces. I went to the gym the other night and was glad I went, but my motivation for anything is extremely low. I feel like 0-2% overall. She would always rate her energy/happiness levels with a percentage, saying “I’m at about 70% today. Not too bad.”
It feels like I fell off a cliff and rolled down a hill and now i’m stuck at the bottom of a ravine and I look up and all I see around me are smooth cliffs with no handholds and no way out except for going up. And I’m all bruised and beaten and bloodied with broken arms and legs and I can barely move, how am I supposed to climb up these unclimbable cliffs? I don’t feel like I can.
hi Horckytr
All right?
I know how hard our example we do not respond. I tried a few times about 20 days ago and was sending Feedback unanswered. In my case, I think she blocked my number!
If I can give you a hint, it is avoid looking photos, Facebook, whats app, Instagram … This unfortunately will only bad for you! This may at first mainly seemed strange, but you are no longer in a relationship, and will do well for you!
If one day you return, you will have new conversations of love, pictures and everything that a real dating can offer.
But now you’re not on a dating.
Cheers up! improve! and Be the best person you can be!
Im sorry she never responded. That is hard. She told me during our phone call that she would call in a few days. So far nothing and still no reply about our friend nor did she message him. Im upset. It’s not like her to ignore serious things. But again idk what she is thinking and i have to stop thinking about it. I hate this. It is torture.
I dont intentionally look at her because i know itll just hurt. I unfollowed her on instagram so i wouldnt see her. Its just the conversation window on whatsapp i see her.
I feel so unmotivated. Im barely eating. I have to find someway to live with this insurmountable pain but so far i have not found a way.
I keep feeling like I’m fighting with myself. I don’t want to let this define me. I don’t want to give up on life and be a loser and failure and be miserable and alone and unhappy. I’m probably overthinking things but that’s how I feel right now and I feel so afraid of the future. Everything seems so dark and I don’t know what to do with myself. Somehow I have to keep standing and finish school and work hard to make money, keep going to the gym, keep up piano practice, all of that stuff, but right now it all feels like an overwhelming weight to bear. I don’t know if I can do it and I’m so afraid of breaking down and giving up and becoming what I don’t want to become. Everything seems so flipped upside down and messed up. Every day it’s all I can do just to get through the day without breaking down and crawling into my closet to cry. I have no fucking idea how to get my shit together and put my life in order and get where I want to be when I feel this messed up. I have to move forward somehow. I know I do. I don’t want to give up but I feel so weak and so small. I don’t know if I can.
I’m so messed up over this. It isn’t fair.
i guess I just feel so overhwelmed and this has just put me in such a position that I feel like I can’t take anymore. and every day i’m in so much pain I can’t stand it.
I don’t want to give up on all the things I need to do. everything that will lead my life somewhere. I can’t just give up on this. but I feel like I can’t take anymore. I don’t know how to keep going.I feel very afraid and weak and small.
I know how you feel 🙁
Every day we face a huge battle to get out of bed and get on with our lives. I feel that everything that made me feel good, does not help me much now, and the problems are bigger than they were before.
I feel alone too, with pain, feeling sorry for myself …
But at the same time I know that we have to stand up and move on friend!
This weekend I was playing the No Man’s Sky! 🙂 I got lost in that immensity of space and remembered something I heard in the Cosmos series.
Our problems, pride, prejudice, fights, sadness are small if compared to the cosmos.
Carl Sagan say: “Even through your hardest days, remember we are all made of star dust.
Search on Youtube for Pale Blue Dot Carl Segan.
Stay strong.
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