Feeling lost

[a.z]

Hey guys,

I miss him but its not that I wanna get back together. Its that I wanna know that he misses me too.I’m doing everything I should do during NC but my mind bring out the worst case scenario right into my eyes. Like what if he starts seeing others? What if he’s moving on? What if he hates you….
I can’t believe he gave up on me so easily. I know I shouldn’t be worrying about these things but it gets so dark I feel like crying sometimes.

[a.z]

Hey guys,

I miss him but its not that I wanna get back together. Its that I wanna know that he misses me too.I’m doing everything I should do during NC but my mind brings out the worst case scenario right into my eyes. Like what if he starts seeing others? What if he’s moving on? What if he hates you….
I can’t believe he gave up on me so easily. I know I shouldn’t be worrying about these things but it gets so dark I feel like crying sometimes.

[patricia12]

@a.z. – I’m assuming being a dentist, that you’ve had a good education. And that you have some common sense too. Without professional help for his drug, anger, and gambling issues, he will NOT resolve them on his own or with your help and support. He might miss you, he might start dating others, but he still has his problems! What good does it do YOU to wonder about these things? I totally understand remembering the good times and crying about the way it was, but the reality is that he’s a broken man who has serious issues that need to be resolved before he can be in a good relationship with anyone! Even though it’s difficult, continue no contact and don’t allow him to pull you back in. Recovery would take a very long time! Allow yourself to grieve and later on when you’re ready, start dating others. Maybe someday he will change ways and you two could reconcile, but don’t wait on him. Get out and live your life.

I feel so sorry for you, but right now you’re better off without him.

[a.z]

Thank you so much @patricia12,you’re totally right about everything.

Today is Day 6 of NC. I’m sure I will never break NC.I wanna look at things this way that even if he starts dating others, he has every right to do so. He doesn’t owe me anything.I wanna stop obssesing over what he is thinking/ how he is feeling cuz we can never know and I shouldn’t even wanna know.
I won’t forget the pain I had to endure even during the relationship and I’m sure that isn’t what I want in life.

It feels like I’m addicted to him and I’m going through withdrawal right now. Once he’s out of my system,I’ll be fine.

I believe I did everything for him.way more than I ever should have and if he doesn’t see all that, its his loss. Eventhough he broke my heart, I wish him well and I hope someday he can save his own life and find happiness.

I wanna be the strongest I’ve ever been in my life so I can get over this.

Wish me luck xx

[patricia12]

@a.z. – Yes, it will take some time to get to a better place mentally and emotionally. But I know you’ll get stronger and stronger with each passing day, week, and month. I believe (in his lucid moments) that he appreciates everything you did for him and the ways in which you tried to help and support him.

It’s sad that he is ruining his life and hopefully someday (like you said) he will take the initiative to seek the professional help he needs in order to save his life and turn it around.

Wishing you luck along with prayers:) Take care of yourself..

[a.z]

Thank you so much for your words you’re really sweet @patricia12.

[a.z]

Day 7 of NC.
I miss him the most today. The thought of him not wanting me is making me crazy. No matter what I do, I can’t believe he’s done with me.I wish he’d contact me.I keep telling myself that not every relationship is meant to last forever. Not everyone is supposed to stay forever and that he has a right to decide for his own life. It feels like my heart is breaking all over again.I think I’m starting to accept that he’s really gone.

[leidy1000]

A.z you wont accept hes gone yet. That will take some time. I believe you need to start seeing your future without him. Be happy by yourself.

[a.z]

I do try to picture my future without him but it only makes me feel worse.I need some time to feel better and I guess NC is my best bet anyway.

[leidy1000]

Thats right NC is the only way.

[ariiiii]

Wow! This is actually very eye opening reading this post because my ex started displaying this crazy up and down behavior a week before we broke up which is what led to us breaking up all together. He never acted this way the entire time I was with him (3 years). Maybe my ex started using drugs but we live together so I thought I’d be able to catch that but he could have many opportunities to do it away from me I guess.

If that is the case, he’s using drugs (he still has not given me an explanation for his mood swings) I do not want to get back with him because that would be a scary road to go down. I’m sorry for all the pain it seems you’ve gone through but people with issues like this, it will not get better unless they want to get better.

They have much bigger issues than either one of us could fix ourselves. They would need professional help and more. It would take years if not decades to fix, and that’s still not guaranteed. It is sad because you want to help someone you love but you have to love yourself first. I am thinking of you, stay strong!

[a.z]

Hey @ariiiii ,

Thank you so much for your kind words x
I read your post and I really felt the pain and confusion cuz I’ve been through it for a very very long time.

He texted me yesterday and broke my heart again I didn’t reply so he called like 10 times and then again started saying the meanest things. The thing is,Eventhough he broke my heart again, it was like a wake up call. He’s using and he won’t change.he doesn’t even wanna change and he’s not that strong to quit or else he would have when he was madly in Love with me. To me, yesterday was like a final wake up call. I still feel the pain but I don’t miss him. I’m not even mad at him.I feel like he’s a starnger now.I don’t know what exactly happened to me but he pushed me far far away that all of our memories seem so blurred. I think a part of my pain is because I’v lost a fantasy I built in my imagination .it still hurts but I’m really done with him and all the pain he’s caused me. I’m done with being verbally abused I’m fed up. This guy doen’t have a place in my heart and my life anymore. I’m sure someday soon I’ll wirte here that The pain is over.

About you’re situation, I’m not sure what happened to him but I’m kinda sure that he will be back. Just stay strong and confident. Don’t take anything personally cuz its definitely not you. I’m sure he will regret what he’s done Cuz that happened to me literally more than 100 times and I know these kind of behaviors perfectly.

[a.z]

I said ” when he was madly in love with me ” but to be honest I don’t really think he’s ever truely loved me. You can’t love someone and torture them on porous. There’s only one love for a drug addict and thats the drug they use.

[leidy1000]

Any updates on your situation?

[a.z]

No not really. Haven’t heard anything from him but its ok I’m nit waiting for him to come back anymore. I went on a few dates, I hang out with friends and family, I keep myself busy but I’m still hurt. I guess I need some time.

[Author]

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