Feeling lost

[a.z]

Hi everyone,

I got to know Kevin and this forum 4 years ago while going throgh another difficult chapter my life. Fortunately I found great help and support here and it was kind of a success story. I got my ex to come back but I didn’t want him any more so forget about him cuz he’s not why I’m here again.

So here is my new story,

My ex and I are both 27, we have been going out for almost 2 years. We fell in love and he was everything I looked for in a man in the beginning.

A few months into the relationship everything started to change. I found out he had drug amd gambling problems. I did everything I could to help him quit and he did but now I know it was only temprory .then it was like I was dating two different guys. One was a guy who was kind,sweat,caring and so in love with me and the other guy was angry,mean and cruel. He had these horrible mood swings and I tried to understand all those things hoping that with time he will get better.

Long story short,I suspect that he is using again. His mood swings are more than ever,with every fight,he says we’re done and its sometimes the matter of couple of days, hours or even minutes until he says he doesn’t mean what he says when he’s angry and that he loves me…. and each time I decided to forgive him.

10 days ago he said he wants to marry me in 6 months from now and I know he meant it. Everyone says he’s so in love with me and that I’m the best choice for him all his friends and family love me and He might be the meanest human being at times but I never had to worry about him cheating on me.Then the day after he said this, we had a huge fight and He broke up with me again.I accept this time I said some pretty hursh things to him too. He texted me twice after the fight in 4,5 days asking something his parents wanted to know and I answered him then it freaked me out how he was ignoring me and reaching out when he needed me like nothing happened.I snapped and texted him asking to leave me alone and then I appologised for everything I said that might have upset him ( it kinda made me feel better) but he seems like he wants nothing to do with me anymore.
I know I should be happy if its over, I know all the logical things but it just hurts thinking he doesn’t want me anymore. I really was a good girlfriend and I know I shouln’t but I love him so much.
Today is day 4 of my NC. I feel pain but I know I’ll be alright soon. What do you guys think about this? Is he gonna come back? I know I should be focusing on myself and I’m trying my best to do everything I should. It just hurts so bad I needed to share this to get some insights.

Sorry this was too long, I really needed to pour this out. I truely appreciate your time and advise.

[a.z]

Now that I read this I know I sound stupid.All my friends and family say I should never think of getting back together and that my life will be so much better without him.I know all the right and wrongs but my mind is driving me crazy its the push and pull dynamic but right now, thinking of him not wanting me anymore or dating others makes me sick.

[mariahbalenciaga]

The same thing is happening to me right now. We can get through it. Remember NC for a month or 2

[a.z]

Yeah, I read your story.I won’t break NC but it gets much easier when they start contacting us. It sounds really immature but the heart wants what it wants. It will get alot easier with time.

[patricia12]

I don’t understand why women allow themselves to be mistreated and want back the very same guy that caused them so much unhappiness. They seem to only remember the good times and NOT the major flaws or issues that would continue to cause problems in the future. Love is not enough.. Why can’t they understand that they deserve a better man?

[a.z]

Hey patricia,

Actually I was hoping you would reply. Believe me, I don’t know why I’m feeling all these feelings.I don’t understand why I’m waiting for him to contact me so I can feel better.it all sounds stupid even to myself.

Like you said, I only remember how kind and caring he was. I guess I always tried to blame his mood swings on his addiction thats why I always gave him another chance.

No matter what, I try to remind myself that he wasn’t good for me, that he kinda sucked the life and energy out of me that even though he was sick, he could habe watched his mouth. He really broke my heart like 100 times with his words and I always forgave him and the one time I snapped he broke up with me.I feel bad for what I said but all I said was nothing but the truth.I kept everything that was torturing me in my heart for like more than a year and I finally lost control.

All my friends say that I shouldn’t be sad because of what did but eventhough he did 100 times worse I appologised and it was kind of a relief.

I still love him but I’m done with this s*it. I will do anything to move on and I’m sure he will regret losing me. If he really cared about me he would never go back to using again and it really hurts me thinking about it.

Its been 4 days and I’m already feeling better. I do miss him but I will definitely try my best to move on. Your words are always an eye opener. I think I’ll post here daily it makes me feel better. Your advise is always appreciated.

[leidy1000]

Im so sorry az. Im sorry that you are back so soon. Breaking up sucks so bad. You have been through it and its not different. Different guy but same situation. I think he will be back!

Can you provide some data, like how long were you together for? And when your friends say he was bad news its because its true. Maybe he also needs to change to be worthy of you.

NC is very hard to achieve but I know you will manage it. The ups and downs are the worse.

[a.z]

Hey leidy,

Thank you for your words your such a sweat person.

We were together for almost 2 years. Everyone says he’s not good for me because of his drug problems, his anger issues and his way of living.( I had to force him to go to work. He works at his father’s company). I’m a dentist and I never thought I could end up handling these kind of situations.

I have a feeling he will come back but the thing is I want to get so strong so I can reject him.most of the times when I see/ hear how sad he is, my heart melts down and I just give in. This time, I feel like enough is enough.I deserve to be happy. Why would he wanna break up with me for eveery stupid childish fight he starts. I’m just so tired

[patricia12]

@a.z. – I’m glad you apologized if it made you feel better. Unless this guy gets professional help for his drugs and gambling problems, he won’t change. Two years was a very long time to stick by a guy who verbally abused you so many times! Like leidy1000 said, continue no contact, but don’t think of it as a way to get him back. It’s more for you to distance from yourself from him in order to gain clarity of the overall REAL situation as it was, and how unhappy you were being in it.

I pray you will be well, no matter what happens in the future:)

[patricia12]

WOW. I’m glad you’re sick and tired of the way he treated you and his bad character traits. Believe it or not, it will help you move on. Your feelings will fluctuate for a while, but you will definitely get stronger. Good luck..

[a.z]

I really saw him trying to change for me. He really tried so many times. He turned into the best man in the world and then again right back to the sq1. I guess I’m not enough for him to change or he really doesn’t wanna change.

[a.z]

Thank you so much @patricia12, your an amazing person I do need the prayer. Thank you😊

[mariahbalenciaga]

@a.z they’re absolutely toxic. you end up addicted to it and it’s horrible. our stories are so similar. We will get through this xx

[mr_the_ex]

“It sounds really immature but the heart wants what it wants.”

I was going to post exactly that but you posted it yourself. You know what you have to do, it’s just so difficult and painful. I wish you the best.

[a.z]

@mariabalenciaga yeah I do believe it was a toxic relationship but I look at him as a person who really needs help. As a human I tried my best to help him as much as possible and I’m sure he loved me but now I realize that I should put myself first. Its painful but I’m sure everything will get better soon.

Hey mr_the_ex
Yeah but I gueas with time it’ll subside. I really need to heal from this. Today is my day 5 of NC. Feels like my mind has stopped panicking. I’m processing things better now.

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