Ex slept with new girl

[Leogirl]

So grabbing drinks with my ex tonight and he told me hes slept with another girl and “might have feelings for her”and also told me he told me it was wrong what he did and said it was a mistake. He said he is lost and he doesn’t know what to do. I was so disgusted by the news I of course told him how I felt and how I can never trust him again. He said he didn’t know what the future looked like and hes not looking for a relationship, but it just happened. I just really need to vent that this is the most terrible thing that I could have thought to happen. We agreed not to see each other for a long time and all that, but I’m just so lost and I don’t know what to do. How can someone disrespect our past relationship (we broke up 2 weeks ago) that much, to do something like that. I know it is a rebound and that he is moving in 2 months so there is no point in him seeing someone else. But I just don’t know what to do guys, Im angry, lost, hopeless, and sad. Has anyone dealt with anything like this? I can give more back story if needed.

When we broke up we stayed friends because we wanted to try and start fresh. And he broke up with me because he didn’t know what was exactly wrong. We agreed to the time apart to find ourselves again away from each other. I just don’t see how him sleeping with someone else is helping him find himself. Honestly, I never wanna be with someone like him again, because he disrespected me so much. But talking about it on here helps me cope.

[Leogirl]

Anyone been through something like this?

[Yonnel]

If he disrespected you so much…he’s not really into you. Maybe he knows you really care about him

[LauraH]

Hi Leogirl

that’s sad. You must be hurting a lot. My take on this is he is not at a stage in his life where he would be ready to commit to you or anyone else. His acts tell me he is not serious and he does not realise (yet) that he is about to lose you for good. I would do indefinite NC on this guy going forward.

Just to add to misery – I am going through a rough time myself. My ex and I seemed to hit it off pretty well for the past 6 weeks or so when last time an unpleasant incident happened. I made some food for him (he does not cook) and when I waited to give it to him, he suddenly accused me of paying some game on him; after that he turned around and entered his office leaving me there with the food container in my hands, feeling humiliated and stupid. When I finally had some time to myself, I spent it weeping. That happened last Wednesday; after the incident, I texted him asking what was going on. He thanked me for the thought (of cooking for him and bringing it over) but he does not play “the game”. I replied that I was confused about the game he was talking about. Nothing further and today is sunday. At this point, I am pretty determined to let this be for good – he just does not have the right to behave so disrespectfully towards me. By ignoring this, I am just showing him that I am fine with all the crap he is pulling off. In other words, unless he apologizes (which he usually never does based on past experience), this is the end for me.

I know I have hijacked your thread – sorry – let me know your thoughts.

Meanwhile, lets stay strong and believe in ourselves. This too shall pass 🙂
good luck to you.

[Leogirl]

Thanks Laura!
I feel like we go through heartache and both had good points around the same time, and I wish it would have worked out for the better for both of us. I know I must go NC forever (well in my mind I must tell myself forever) I believe that once we are both out of our sad state of mind, we are both going to be stronger women. We do not deserve to be treated so unfairly and to be disrespected by people we care so much about. We deserve so much better for ourselves and I know that what we both have been through we are going to look back at these men (boys) and laugh because we were so naive to try and let them in again.

I think there will always be a part of us that will long and think about the “what if” factor. But I think for both of us the right thing to do is to go NC, and if they desire us that much they must respect us and fight for us. They need to show us that we can trust them again. And for that to happen we must move on with our lives.

Sometimes I wish you guys on this forum were in person, because I sometimes get more support here than from my own friends. Because you have been when I have been.

Definitely keep updating this tread with your story, as I will keep you updated on mine.

Thanks again,
Ann

[Leogirl]

After everything hes done to me, somedays, like today, I still want to talk to him. I wish this were easier. I wish my mind could forget about him, but for some reason I still have hope somewhere, and I’m trying to get rid of it. But its so hard, I wish I knew how.

[LauraH]

Hi Leogirl

I too share this hope. Even though at the bottom of my heart I know for a fact that my ex is not the right man for me, I cant help hoping that one day he will just reach out, sincerely apologize and make my heart melt again. It’s natural to hope…
At the same time, I know him and he rarely does apologize and if I try to be realistic, it’s just impossible to sustain a healthy relationship with someone like that. The emotion-reason conflict is killing me…

[Leogirl]

Same here, my head and my heart are conflicting and I want to listen to my brain when it tells me to get over him, but my heart is so strong too. I guess only time will tell what happens.

[Palmtrees22]

Leo girl,

Your story made me so sad and my heart aches for you, but if it makes you feel just slightly better, it is stopping me from making the same mistake. After a confusing week post-Break up, I finally asked my ex to stop talking to me. He made it 2.5 days before reaching out. I responded “glad to hear it,” (3 hours later) which I thought was fine because no response seems colder than I’m willing to go but it didn’t invited any more conversation.

Of course today, I gave in an texted him about an accomplishment at work. The conversation was good and brief and it is very apparent that he misses me BUT it’s a step into backsliding. I know once we are chatting a little we’ll start chatting a lot and I’ll go back to him without him making any improvements and me doing all the work to make it work. OR there’s always the possibility of him sleeping with someone else without us having a defined boundary line. Which would kill me.

I hope I don’t offend you by using your story as a cautionary tale. What I mean to say is that I feel empowered to stop this cycle in its tracks so thank you.

[Palmtrees22]

Also, I want to give you both some encouragement because this will get easier as time moves on. As long as you keep going forward it gets easier. He might move on, he might come back– either way, you’ll be fine. But don’t settle for less than what you deserve or it won’t be worth having.

[Leogirl]

Thanks for the encouragement. Im glad my story at least gave someone else the power to take control of the situation. Its not easy for any of us. I almost cave everyday and reach out. But I know by doing that he gets all the power and I loose. I know its not supposed to be a game, but thats the only way I think about it for me not to text him.

It hurts me everyday to think about the other girl in his lif, making him more happy than I did. But when I truly think abiut it what we had, its hard to have with someone else.

What hurts the most is when he spoke these words to me “when youre done with the relationship as long as I have been, its easy to move on so fast.” I dont deserve someine like that. I deserve someone who is willing to fight for what we have and for me.

Each day I get stronger. Even though its hard. I dont plan on reaching out to him in 30 days like the program says. Im going to wait, live my life and be happy. Because if I lived before him. I can damn well live without him now.

[LauraH]

Hey Ann,

these are the words of a strong, confident woman. Well done! I can see some much improvement already 🙂

It’s hard not to think of my ex and there is no single day without thinking of him and wondering whether he actually puts any thought into what we had. Interestingly, he is not dating anyone currently and in some way, this makes things tougher for me 🙂 But again I am not reaching out and I keep telling myself each day that I cannot allow him to get back into a power position over me – you were right about the “game”. I think silence is the best punishment for these guys.

[Leogirl]

Laura,

I agree, I think silence is the best punishment. Because sooner or later they’re gonna notice the silence and realize what they lost.

[Leogirl]

I forgot to mention, the reason I have hope is because I move back home from college in a week, then mid July he moves down to the same city as me. We were planning on living together before all this. And I hold on to the hope even though I don’t want to because he says when he moves down in July he wants to meet up. I told him I wont meet with him if he is with someone else, and he said he understands. Its so hard for me to let go because of this reason. Even though, I know its for the better, and 2 month is a pretty long time.

[LauraH]

Hi Ann

Two months is a long time and your ex could use it to figure out where he stands. I hope he will. Nevertheless try not to keep your hopes too high though… Just make sure you see clear evidence that he is a changed man and genuinely cares and wants to be with you in the future. Easier said than done, I know.

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