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I sent my ex a letter saying that I want her back. She recieved it in the mail today and texted me after she read it. She said that she has been bouncing back and forth between moving on and wanting to get back with me and scared of wanting to get back because of our past.
I understand her being scared since close to the break up we were both doing and saying things that hurt each other. I asked her if we could meet up and talk and she said that she is not sure what to think right now. We have been broken up for about 7 months with very little contact. Last month we met to talk and catch up.
I told her to think about what I said in the letter and that I will give her some time and space to do. Was the letter too much? In a way I’m freaking out but keeping myself calm right now. It’s going to be hard not saying anything to her. Trying to think of things to say to her when she is ready to talk and prepare myself in case she says no to getting back together.
Are things going to be okay between us? I know we can work and she knows we can work. I just don’t know if I did the right thing. You guys think she will want us to talk?
Yes. Fear is an intial reaction to a bad memory. Have you done the nc? She still hasnt forgotten about the bad times. Then reassure her. Have you presented yourself as another person? You should. Because she is already attracted to you before confidence would be a great boost. And dont say lets meet. She’ll put up her guard faster. My tip would be a friendly coffee. “Its just coffee” be witty but dont force her. Show her gentleness kindness and understanding. Dude 7 months is pretty long but im going to reveal you something you may have overlooked. “Would she reply to you or talk to you if she didnt care anymore?” Its the fear thats hindering her. Eliminate that. You can do it bro
Hi i sent my ex’s a letter and I know he got it, but I never head anything back, we have been a part for over a year now and I’m still holding out for him. We was good together but to many people stuck there noise in. I hope you get your ex’s back
Thanks for the reply you two. I have been NC since the last time we met last month to do better work on myself. I’ve done everything Kevin suggest except for the go on a date part. I guess I just have one more question. How long should I wait to ask her to go get a coffee or maybe lunch since I told her I would give her some space? Should I ask or wait till she contacts me again?
I think you should try to build a friendship for a while. I think she just needs to rebuild the trust and see that you are genuine and have worked on yourself. So take it easy. I think after 7 months and the most recent 1 month NC, its ok now to get back in touch and suggest a coffee. On this coffee though, don’t bring up the past or anything too heavy. She might back off again. But if you take it slowly rebuilding the trust gradually, I think she might come around. Good luck
Follow the nc. Until the nc is over. Then follow through with reattraction. One thing good abot having coffee when it goes bad say you have something to do. And its urgent. Dont let it end bad. Plus avoid talking about the relationship. Remember you dont want her back. You want to have a new relationship with different sets of mistakes to understand. “Avoid relationship talks”. Show her the security she needs and don’t pressure her. Women dont like being pressured. Show her you are a man she can rely on.
I see and thanks again. I said in the letter that I want is to rebuild our friendship and take it slow and I did say I wanted to talk about my mistakes since last time we met she asked me about the mistakes she made.
I’m thinking about not sending it today but here is a rough draft of the meet for coffee text.
“Hey ****. I wanted to see if you want to meet up for coffee sometime this upcoming weekend. I want us to start over as friends and build upon something new and not talk about the past. I look forward to hearing back from you.”
Is this okay? I believe I have changed since we last met and I do want to show her that I truly want us to start over with new perspectives. Thanks again for all the advice y’all are giving me.
“I want us to start over as friends and build upon something new and not talk about the past.”
That part just dont fit, I dont know, it’s my opinion though. Giving hints like this, it will be obviously that you want to get back with her and not be friends. Just say instead “start over” to “catch up” or something like this.
I think I see what you are saying Foguim. Maybe this sounds better.
“Hey ****, I wanted to see if you want to grab a cup coffee this upcoming weekend. I would like to catch up with you as a friend. I want to rebuild ur friendship and forget about the past for now. I look forward hearing back from you.”
I am confident in my self to bring her back in my life. I know she won’t answer back right away but I do want to say what is right and make her feel comfortable with me again. I’m thinking of sending her a good memory text first before I send the coffee text. Think that will help?
That sounds way better than before, more confident. Give a try 🙂
I wish you the best of luck!
“Don’t state your intentions” she’ll build up her defenses. Stop using friendship bro. Want to be friendzoned? Ask to catch up. Yes initial text of good memories are good. It means you can’t forget about her but you don’t want to bother her too much. “I was wondering if you’re okay with a cup of coffee. I just want to catch up on things and see how your doing. Take care”. If you want to start fresh don’t remind her you had a relationship before those are just memories now. You have to make her fall in love all over again. This “cup of coffee” is just a first step.
Thanks Nightdeleon. I understand what your saying I guess I’m just finding it hard to say just get coffee since she already knows my true intentions from my letter. I want to try your route but I have a couple of questions. Hoping this will be my last since I want get myself prepared.
1. If she agrees, how do I get the conversation to stay away from the past. I know she will most likely she will bring it up. Do I just plainly say I don’t want to talk about that right now and just want to talk to her?
2. If she ignores it and doesn’t reply at all how long should I wait to try again or do I just wait till she contacts me again?
3. If she replies with something like that she’s still scared to see me do I just give her some more space or is there something else I can say to assure her that I have no intentions and just want to talk.
I do appreciate you taking the time to answer my questions. I don’t want to send the coffee invite this week or next week since her birthday is next week but the week of the 25th. Is that waiting to long or would that be a good amount time to get her to miss me again. I do plan to just send her a generic “Happy Birthday ****, hope you a great day” text to her on her birthday and that be my only text that week. I do want to send at least one happy memory text this week and that be the only thing I do this week.
Heres the thing. She probably won’t bring it up. It’s a cup of coffee how long will it take. Take the conversation to the highest point then leave when everything is good. The answer to number 2 is if she ignores you text her. “Can i call you? Theres something i just wanted to say”. Don’t state anything. Give her a blank the when she calls as her out for a friendly cup of coffee. “It’s just a cup of coffee”. “Oh come on it will be fun catching up with each other”. Reassure her that the past is dead. The present is alive and well. False friendship. Just establish that. Don’t become friends with her just maintain the intimacy with her.
Yeah she might not. I know I’m probably overthinking right now. I’m going to spend some more time making myself better so I’m more ready for the coffee meeting.
She sent me this text today “Hope you enjoyed church in Sunday. I prayed a lot for you. And me. You’re perfectly fine without anyone, and you deserve to be happy. Don’t say anything back. Be happy.” Not completely sure how to take this. Makes me happy that she wants me to be happy. Is she asking for some space? I’m hoping its not meaning she doesn’t want to see me again.
Sorry for the little freak out over the text. I know she didn’t say never talk to me again. I believe she is not becoming indifferent about me. I know this ups my work to really better myself and make myself happy. I really do want her back in my life I just need to work harder. Hopefully after sometime I can send her the coffee text and show her that I am a confident person who is ready for my future.
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