Boards › Reconciliation › Dont know where to go from here. HELP. KEVIN? A.Z.?
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December 17, 2014 at 8:35 am #19494
thank you! and good luck to you. i think taking a trip together is a great idea – it will give you really a chance to bond together and show her how great it can be between you guys. our situations are a bit different because my ex doesnt want a committed relationship with anyone but yours does – you just need to show her it should be with you! be nice, be romantic, be spontaneous. try to surprise her with all the positive changes you’ve made. i really think she’ll appreciate them and this will work out for the best – the fact that she’s even willing to go with you shows she’s not ready to close the door yet
December 17, 2014 at 10:41 am #19517That’s what I don’t get..
She loves me like crazy. As more than a friend. She tells me how amazing and gorgeous I am. She enjoys talking to me more than anyone else.
But she won’t let it be in a romantic way. Wtf…
When I go on this trip with her, I’m going to charm the hell out of her. I’m going to show her the best of me and of us as a pair.
December 17, 2014 at 11:01 am #19520maybe its not you at all but she just feels in order for you to be successful as a couple in the future she needs time to herself and to date around. thats how my ex feels and he feels he hasn’t had enough chances to do so in 2.5 months, but yours has had 7 months already, so it must be so frustrating…if in another 4-5 months my ex is still doing this I’m not sure how i would handle that
December 17, 2014 at 5:27 pm #19552It’s bad if it isn’t me. If she has a want to date and see what else is out there, and it doesnt have anything to do with me but it’s just her feeling like something is better on the other side, then I am in big trouble. Because that is her mental state/logic. I can’t change that. If after the trip, like I said, I am moving on if she doesn’t show interest in getting back together.
I have others that have approached me, but I won’t even consider any of them. I just want her. I do think I should date, but thinking it and doing it are very different. Ugh.
I can’t even imagine trying to visualize sex with anyone else! I just wish that this would pass quickly, and we give it a true second chance.
December 17, 2014 at 5:44 pm #19554I remember when my boyfriend (now ex, who I’m trying to get back) and I went camping during Labor Day weekend. It was the best thing ever. Every night he would literally whisper sweet nothings in my ear, and one night he said we were soulamtes. I loved being able to sleep in his arms, I felt so safe. The sad part was we got so used to having each other in the same bed. And @LAbound, same. I can’t imagine that with anyone but him. My gut says we will get back together sometime, I know he still cares and wants me somewhere deep down. I’m just very stuck right now
December 17, 2014 at 5:58 pm #19555Same with me. I can’t really compute that its over and I can’t begin to think about being intimate or even close to anyone else! Like my body hasn’t been updated on the relationship status.
I also feel a VERY strong gut feeling that we will end up together again – although there is a lot of evidence pointing to the contrary.
I should just “let loose and have fun” because I’m single – but that’s hard when you really don’t want to be near anyone else.. Well done to him, he’s made my feelings and desires completely monogamous where I once wouldn’t have minded exploring other options. It sucks because he doesn’t feel that way. It sucks because he’s probably out there having a blast being “free”, and I’m have become the most miserable person I know… LolI feel for you all!!
December 17, 2014 at 6:08 pm #19556i completely agree with all of you, but i think that will come in time and we will know if/when we feel ready. i think if some months down the line we still haven’t reconciled i will begin to accept more that its over and can maybe enjoy dating more. for right now i very much feel like were “on a break” so its hard for me to commit to anyone/anything else. i just wish i knew how many months it would either really be over or he would be back. i do think he plans on coming back its just a matter of time when but i don’t want to spend years waiting around…
and @labound i agree. thats how i feel right now. my ex basically told me that its not me at all, that he has these internal desires to explore and be single before he settles down. so theres really nothing i can do/change. our relationship was wonderful up until the last night. no fights or problems or anything. he’s told me multiple times it has absolutely nothing to do with me or us and something he just needs to go through but he hopes it will make us stronger and bring us back to each other in the end. its really such a frustrating position for me to be in…im on 8 days NCDecember 17, 2014 at 6:08 pm #19557@Aphrodite what do you think I should do?
December 17, 2014 at 6:36 pm #19560I don’t know. But maybe the same as me. TRYYY to focus on your own life. Try to limit the amount of times you think of him (maybe set aside 5 minutes every three hours where you’re allowed to think of him for a start). But you can’t just go NC or LC and wait, you have to actively do new things in your life to fill up the void that’s been left. New hobbies and such. I’m learning languages and started blogging. hope that helps some
December 17, 2014 at 6:39 pm #19563@atea1234 Yep I feel the same, like me and ex are just on a break. Maybe that’s just how we should treat it though because it does at least create motivation to better ourselves so that WHEN they come back to us they will be blown away:)
December 17, 2014 at 6:42 pm #19564@aphrodite has your ex given you an indication he wants to reconcile in the future?
December 17, 2014 at 6:47 pm #19568I’ve done NC, and I’m back to the person I was before we broke up, and better. I have pretty much everything back, except him. I plan on apologizing soon and I want to tell him how I really felt those 3 months. I want him to forgive me and give me that chance back. I really screwed up my life before we broke up. I just don’t know what my next move is
December 17, 2014 at 6:50 pm #19569@atea1234 Nope:( Quite the opposite. I asked if he thought he would ever want to get back together and he replied “probably not”. That’s why logic says we won’t get back together but it doesn’t stop my gut feeling.
In a previous break up with the same guy he said “do whatever you want with whoever you want because I don’t care” which I found out was clearly not true, and we got back together.
He’s was EXTREMELY up and down (asking me to move in and taking it back the NEXT day for example) right before this current break up which is why I don’t know where his heart is at, despite what he said.
Do you have any thoughts?December 17, 2014 at 6:57 pm #19571@Confused_Girl that’s really good!! You’re way ahead of me then;)
Well it depends really. If you guys used to write letters you could write him a letter, or send that text. I’m not sure what would be best. Maybe ask him out for coffee AS FRIENDS.
Well done on getting back to where you were and better!!!
December 17, 2014 at 7:15 pm #19573@Aphrodite, I think I’ve came a long way in doing that in a month or less. I think I’m going to apologize tonight, do you think it’ll help with all the hard work I’ve put into getting him back?
I’m scared to do it. I’ve worked so hard to get me back, and to get him back. I still so incomplete without him. It was just 5 months, almost 6, but that’s pretty long. I mean we had a very deep and real connection, we clicked like it was nothing. We’re a like, but not completely a like. We had our differences, but that’s called a personality. Ever since my grandpa died, I just lost touch with myself, because he was here for my life for 19 years and I just couldn’t handle anything. I can’t explain the full connection we had, there’s just so much there
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