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This is probably quite a controversial topic but please hear me out.
My boyfriend stopped smoking weed while we were together because he thought that it would make me happy. A couple of months before we broke up he said that he had started again and had smoked weed three times. I was upset that he had kept it from me and could have been a little bit more accepting. Then I found out that he had been smoking nearly every week and I’m not sure why it just made me feel weird? It’s not that I disagree with it, per say, I know he just wants to relax and have fun. But for some reason it always really annoyed me.
After the break up, he started smoking a lot. To the point that he is going out smoking every weekend and every time my family see him he smells of weed and is high as a kite. A few people have said that it is probably his way of dealing with it. I’ve been thinking long and hard about it and I feel really guilty that I may have stopped him from being himself?? Although I have a problem with it, it was his decision to give up and I never (knowingly) forced him into quitting. And the truth is, it DID make me happy that he was sober and made me feel like less of a loser since all his friends smoke and I would always be left out because it’s not my thing.
It was always nice to think that he liked to spend time with me even though I didn’t get high with him and that he lived me despite of this. Then towards the end of our relationship he started smoking more again and spending more time with his friends. I became too clingy and possessive and he needed a break because he doesn’t have the energy for a relationship at the moment.
He is going to talk to me at New Year’s about where our relationship may go and if we could get back together. But essentially, it feels like he has chosen drugs over me 🙁 I know that he’s young and he just wants to have fun but it’s too late because I pushed him away and now he’s gone. I’m trying to be more accepting of his habit but the truth is I will never like it , and I’m not even sure why I’m so against it.
I may be putting too much focus onto this but I just feel like it was a major contribution to our break up. I can’t help but imagine him going out smoking and sleeping with other girls and it breaks my heart :'(
Is it worth talking to him at New Year’s when he still might be smoking every night? I don’t feel like it’s fair to ask him to stop for me or even limit the amount?? But it honestly feels like he chose this expensive, unhealthy habit over me and it has broken my heart more than anything.
I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before on here, and I don’t know why I kept this to myself. I guess I didn’t want anyone to judge him like I did 🙁Aww I understand the pain that you’re going through 🙁 You see I feel it’s not completely your fault or his. Because every relationship is hard and has its ups and down. He may have stopped smoking because of you and when he first did it just felt like the right thing to do because nothing is worth more than having you by his side. But at time goes on.. he realised he wasn’t being true to himself. He started to think he was living his life for you. And you’re right young guys are like that. They don’t like to be controlled or felt ‘caged’. Their mum is enough they don’t want their gf to be their another ‘mum’.
You see that’s what happened to me too. I was trying to control him. I was being clingy. I was going through a hard that and I EXPECT that he want to spend time with me as much as I do. Same goes to your ex when he realise you started to control him again all he want to do is get away from you. He want to feel like himself again. But deep down he still love you, but he is confused.
I feel you must play your part to if you still truly love him. And by that I mean accepting who he really is. Because this is what love is, you don’t want to change them to fulfil your expectations you learn to accept every part of them. Although something like smoking weed is actually a very unattractive and unhealthy thing ,but that’s the life he choose for now, as he is still young. Maybe you can sit down and have a talk with him that you know it’s an unhealthy thing and you personally won’t attempt to do it but you accept him for who he want to be. You want him to feel comfortable with you. But if you can’t stand the smell maybe you can tell him to do it less when around you. If he truly love you he will understand. And I really don’t think that he’ll stop smoking any sooner. Just like my ex who loves socializing… the more I try to worry how much girls he’ll ‘accidentally’ attract. The more he want to get away so he won’t feel ‘caged’. The truth is I don’t have those intentions of controlling him in any way, I’m just so afraid of losing him. Little did I know I was the one subconsciously pushing him away :/
I’ve seen my mistake and I know I should’ve accepted him for who he was. It was just that I was used to him not smoking :/ It seemed like that was the person I knew and then the old person who used to smoke a lot was back and that was kind of hard to deal with. I still loved him, of course, but there was suddenly this other side of him that I wasn’t used to.
He never smoked it around me. Especially if it was just the two of us. He said that wouldn’t be fair and would make me uncomfortable so I really, really appreciate that he did that. Although it meant that I felt that he didn’t like spending time with me as much and was always worried that he was itching to get away and smoke weed with his friends :/ One day just before the break up when we were arguing (this was basically the argument that led to the break-up) he asked me to leave and I was like ‘Just so you can smoke weed with your friends” and he said ‘At least I have friends’. Which cut really deep. I know he probably regrets saying that because he knows how insecure I felt about that sort of thing, but I can’t help but think of it sometimes. That’s the only thing I’m truly angry at him about.
I know that if we talk at New Year’s I’ll be scared to bring up his smoking :/ but it is a large part of his life now and something that needs to be addressed since he contributed greatly to our breakup. I’m sure we would be able to figure something out but I’m terrified that he won’t want to limit his smoking and that it will feel like he is choosing that over me, a PERSON again :'(
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