didn’t know I wanted her back

[sambo4g63]

Hello all! My name is sam I’m new to all of this and this will probably be a long post haha but just as I’m sure most of us feel I think I need a bit of “specialized advice” I’ll start from the beginning

Long long ago I had found a very old friend of mine that I used to date in high school (at that time it was 8 years prior)
We talked a bit and I found out she had just got out of a 6yr toxic relationship full of drug and abuse and had been seeing another man (I call him the orinigal rebound) we decided to hang out and within days her and I had become and item and within 3 months moved into a home together.(I had become the rebound haha so I thought) fast forward 3 yrs later. We end up moving back into her childhood home with her family and within a month mr. “original rebound” is showing up at the house while I’m at work or showing up at odd hours of the night. Obviously caused issues I eventually convinced her to get rid of him for good and we moved away. That same year we found out she was pregnant so we moved to a bigger and more child friendly area and raised our daughter.

Fast forward 4 yrs later (been together 7 yrs at this point, married, big house, nice jobs, beautiful 4 yr old daughter, dogs, cats, yada yada the Dream life if you will.) but we grow distant I gain a lot of weight, we quit having sex, we start fighting a lot you know how it goes

Well wr end up having a good talk and she decides that she needs some space to think about things and so she moves to her moms apartment for a few days and begs that our daughter stays with me. During the first week of this “space” she needed my daughter decides to tell me about her new friend That she has so much fun with and that it’s really awesome because her new friends dad is mommy’s “buddie” and they kiss like me and mommy do…keep in mind my ex hasn’t seen our daughter sense she moved out… well for some reason I had a bad feeling and asked my daughter to show me where her new friend lives. My four year old daughter had been to this friends house so many times she knew exactly where to take me…and wouldn’t you know it! It’s the original rebounds house… all hell broke loose and I dropped her like a bad habit, only communication we had was weekly but only about our daughter.

It has now been a year that her and him have officially been together and it’s been 8 months sense she moved out of my house. Well last Friday our daughter had to have her tonsils removed and that ment that for the first time in what felt like forever her and I would be forced to not only spend the entire day together but to sleep in the same room together as well…. it took about 3 hours into the morning before she was telling me how controlling original rebound was and how she hated him and showed me messages between the two of them and how emotionally abusive this man has become calling her names like “replaceable, whore, lazy, good for nothing” all because she stayed with our daughter in the hospital and I was there as well… she explained that she wanted to leave him but didn’t know how and that she was commuted and felt that she was Inlove with him at one point and had hope…but also realized that the only man that could ever love her the way she needed to be loved was me… I explained to her without hesitation that I would not be her savior, that should could not just do what she did and then run back to me when she decided it wasn’t good enough. But that I understood being in a abusive situation and agreed that she needed to get out of there and I offered her a room here. She did not accept and ended up going back to him again and for some reason it broke my heart more then it did when I found out she was cheating…I shut down once again and two days later on Easter I get a text saying that she needed moving boxes and was coming home. She came and spent all day Easter with me and I felt the need to have a huge cook out and went all out. She told me how much of an amazing time she had and how she missed it and then grabbed her phone got upset and said she had to go I asked if she was going to come back and all she could say was “I’m sorry”

Since then it has been nothing but miscommunications and fighting and acting like we just broke up and I’m a huge piece of trash or something, but what’s weird is that I haven’t wanted her back until now… I’m not sure if it’s the situation she is in or if it was the amazing weekend we spent together but I feel like I just fell Inlove with her all over again…and after reading all these articles tonight I realize I have made EVERY mistake within this past year that your told not to lol

I paid $300 in groceries for her house (including rebound boy and his son)

Just today paid to turn her phone back on
(But to defense that I had no way to contact my daughter otherwise and for some reason rebound couldn’t pay the $80)

I have called her names he’ll probably every name in the book,
Begged for her back
Became super nice trying to be the bigger man
And worst of all I think personally my biggest mistake was getting violent with mr rebound.
(Long story short he threatened to beat mine and my ex wife’s ass because we were hugging and said this in front of our daughter and then proceeded to swing his fist inches from my mothers face to give her the bird because she told him to watch his mouth infron of the child…so just like almost all of us I snapped and swung)

This year has been one of the hardest and I thought I hated her for everything she was but the second she says she needs me and loves me still I just melt like ice and fall head over heels

I want her back, I want our family, and most of all I want to save her from the hell shes in….

Am I stupid? Is the damage to far Done? Are her and I to far gone?

Or is this just a classic case of “I need to make sure I can run back to you just Incase”

I don’t know guys I thought I was over all this I had even started dating again and now I’m just a wreck and I feel like I can’t even focus on being a good father over it. I’m lost and need some kind of direction. Is it to late to start the no contact? And how do I give no contact while trying to co-parent?

[sambo4g63]

Well it’s been a few days sense I tried to make this post originally, so update

I met her and her dude (just gonna call him bob cause it’s easier than rebound)

I met her and bob to exchange our daughter and bob ran into the store for something while he was there my ex tells me she needs to talk to me but has to find out how (keep in mind bob is EXTREMELY controlling and won’t let her talk to me)
I asked her what she needed to talk about and she said “just talk” I explained that the past weekend we shared got me into my head and made me hurt and I needed some time to process all these emotions and figure out where my heads at.

She got mad and haven’t spoken sense

But today I’ve been trying to contact her to finalize the exchange tomorrow and figure out a dr appointment for our daughter and she gave me
No response… I found myself blowing up her phone with about 8 messages wishing 4 hours. Ya they’re we’re all about our daughter but I was still LIVID

She’s better at the no contact thing I guess haha

[sambo4g63]

Another new update… my ex had a doctors appointment yesterday and I guess original rebound couldn’t take her..(he never takes her or is there for her so she says) she asked me to meet her there so that someone would believe her.

We spent the whole day together had lunch and just talked about a lot mainly her leaving this mentally abusive relationship and doesn’t know how but I feel myself falling Inlove again fast….

I told her I couldn’t do this that I needed to process my thoughts and that it was killing me, I’d always be here but I couldn’t and wouldn’t just be her friend it’s not fair to my heart or to our daughter….I’ve been a wreck sense ugh

[sambo4g63]

Well this post is going no where lol and I keep making matters worse I think….

New update… last Saturday her and I had made plans so that she could take our daughter to the movies for the day. When she was coming over I asked if she would bring our dogs over as well so I could spend the day with them. Well she did and then after the movie she came back and stayed until today (Wednesday) I found out that she had finally had enough and hell had broken open at her house and she was done and so I welcomed her with open arms… two days into it I find out he is threatening her and holding her belongings hostage and what not so we decide to call the law and get help to gather her things, for some reason this took HOURS to get a plan together and then all of a sudden she wants to wait until the next day (today) so we agree and she goes upstairs later that night she tells me she has to go over there because she needs to take care of the cats and get some clothes, we get into a little argument because she doesn’t want me to go with her, doesn’t want any just her and him and I thought that was the worst idea, I find out she thinks she might want to run back to him and doesn’t know what she wants and “o just can’t let him go” so I bassicly told her if she isn’t ready to commit to me fully then I’m not going to sacrifice my happiness either, we fought a bit but finally talk her out of it and then the story changes again this morning, rather than going and getting her stuff she is going to go over there and begin packing so everything is in order and reassured me not to worry because he will not be there he will be at work until about 3, well 4 o clock rolls around and she still hasn’t left yet so I ask what’s up and she says she’s about to and blah blah so her and my daughter go and she says she will be back because our daughter has a school function that she is attending and it’s easier to get there from my house. So I let her borrow my car just Incase she needs the extra room and what not….so 430 she leaves…it’s now 1030 at night and I have texted her a few times just asking if all is well and letting her know I’m only a phone call away and have got nothing except once when she said “we’re fine we will be back soonish” which was 3 hours ago…. so I’m assuming he manipulated his way back into her heart and she’s gone again 🙁

[patricia12]

If the controlling boyfriend was calling her disgusting derogatory names and has also threatened her, his behavior could escalate into violence. She should have gone with the plan to have police escort her to retrieve her things! He might even be stalking her and if so, she should apply for a restraining order. When things calm down and if she comes back to you, please consider marriage counseling. I pray and wish the best for your little family..

[sambo4g63]

She ended up coming back tonight with none of her things…when I asked what happened she said “I’m sorry please don’t hate me” and that was that. She’s staying the night here still I guess but otherwise she is going back to him tomorrow, and yes he is a stalker and the next step is violence but she is convinced he would never do that

[Seth]

I am sorry to tell you this. You are right, someone is being manipulated here, but it’s not her. If it were me I would be talking to a divorce attorney first thing in the morning and give her the message that I am not her doormat.

[Author]

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