Did I fuck it up too much?

[pepijn]

Hello folks,

Like many here I am in pain beyond belief. I had a long distance relationship with a young woman for 1 year and 10 months. My ex and I broke up just over a month ago (she ended it, however saying I love you more at the end), I immediately said that we should do NC, however the next day she broke that rule by being worried about me. As stupid as I was I fell for it and we talked a lot. The talking went well for three days and I really thought we were going somewhere, but the fourth day she suddenly went cold completely. Told me to move on, that I need friends etc. We didn’t talk for 3 days but then after hearing she was hurt because of things that happened in the past, again stupid me, I initiated contact. I wrote her a long letter and texted her. Again for a short while contact went surprisingly well, until again after 3 days she went cold. After that I specifically said to her to not talk for a year and see where things go. Meanwhile I started talking to a friend of hers for emotional support, she eventually told me that she started dating other guys almost immediately after the break up. Even worse I heard that she had a one night stand (which given her character is like insane) which is of course a rebound thing. However her friend also said that she called me an asshole still, and she really did not desire ever resuming contact. I went into this “everything is lost” mode and texted her why she called me an asshole and that she is a “fucked up person in so many ways”. Of course her respond was as you would expect, she got very upset, blocked me everywhere. After a while I saw the mistake I made, that I hurt her, so I called her phone. The conversation went remarkebly well given the circumstances although I did make the mistake of being too desperate and we were supposed to call again today. Today she texted me though that she does not want to talk anymore, and that she would not ever forgive me for calling her a “fucked up person”. Of course I apologised again and again, saying that I changed etc. being desperate again. She got really frustrated. After she stopped responding I waited a few hours and came across this wonderful website and I said to her that we both need a while to focus on ourselved and that I was stupid for texting her the night before.

In the end she said that I was very controlling and manipulative in the relationship. I honestly did not know that and would never knowingly do so. She even said that her family and friends agreed with the break up, because the relationship became unhealthy. I am quite sure that she deep down inside still feels something for me, just does not want to face it. Anyway my question is, the mess that this is, did I fuck it up too much? She is not a person that forgives easily.

I hope my story was not too incoherent, and I am awaiting your replies.

Pepijn

[a.z]

Hey,

How old are you guys?

Start NC and continue it for atleast 30 days. She is confused and still hurt. She needs some time to forget the negative memories,remember the good ones and to start missing you and you need some time to heal and become the best version of yourself.

Continue NC and make positive changes in your life. Don’t worry about worry about messing up cuz its ok. NC will undo the damages.

Just stay positive and focus on yourself. Don’t talk to your mutual friends about her or the breakup,don’t stalk her on social media and even don’t look ar her pictures.remember the most important part of NC is about you not her.

Good luck

[pepijn]

Hi,

Thanks for your response. This post was approved a bit late (10+ days). I have since then done no contact and I have even started dating some other woman just to get my mind off of her. I am 23 years old and my ex is 20 years old. I was her first real relationship she had and to be honest we were both being quite inexperienced about it all. Anyway, I plan to contact her again in a month or so, a few weeks after the semester starts.

I still miss her dearly and there are rarely moments that she is not on my mind. I have already worked hard on improving myself, lost a few pounds and read a book about better communication. I am worried that she will stay mad a long time, she is quite known for that, or otherwise that her defences will be up unreasonably high. We will see.

[a.z]

She won’t stay mad forever.Just give her some space and then after you finished NC,follow the 5step plan.

About missing her, unfortunately that’s the way it is for now but everything will get better soon.

[Author]

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