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Boards Reconciliation Did I blow it? Or Is she just confused?

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • #112026
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    fishguy123
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 4

    Me and my Ex were together for 3years and I was close to proposing towards the end of our relationship it started to spiral downwards. We both were growing apart and had losing our communication as well. One day I wanted to work on everything going on but I was invited out to go fishing and said we should meet up for dinner to talk during her lunch break, She said work was probably going to be busy to not worry about meeting up and to stay out fishing. While out fishing I received a picture of my ex with another guy out eating. I packed up my things went home and immediately broke up with her. In my rage I also made her delete all of our pictures off social media and her phone said some very hurtful things to inflict the hurt I had. The next day thinking everything over and my actions I met her up and decided we should get back together and work on things. She said she didn’t want to at the time. We continued talking and even went out on the weekend and went back to my place and slept with each other, afterwards she said it just didn’t feel the same to her and that we should take some time away from each other to find ourselves.

    I tried no contact but i would break it every 2 days to check up on her and stuff and noticed she acted differently and very cold and finally the nerves got to me and I logged on to her Facebook and noticed she was out talking to other guys while we were supposed to be taking time off from ourselves. I immediately called her and told her I knew everything going on and told her to meet up with me at the house. We were there and we talked about everything and she said she loved me but it just wasn’t the same and liked the guy she had gone out with when we were together. She said the breakup was just so bad with what I had done that she just couldn’t get that memory out of her head. We continued talking and said we were gonna try to stay away from each other again. As I was getting ready to leave she didn’t want to and we slept together again.

    After this I started no contact and I was at about 2wk when she reached out to me saying I still had her softball glove at the house. and said we would meet up so I could give it to her. I reached out to her best friend who is also my friend if I should move on with my life or continue trying. She said she wasn’t sure what she what I should do but noticed she had been lying to her alot recently, Went out drinking more, and changed since she started talking to the new guy. So I went to pick her up from work on sunday and went to the park to talk about what was going on and what our problems were in our relationship and she noticed there was a change in me both physically and mentally since our breakup. We continued talking for about 5 hours and she said that she loved me and liked the other guy and she was confused about what she wanted. At the end of the night we kissed and I dropped her off at her car and noticed she was very emotional asked if everything was alright and she said she was fine and left. After about 30min she texts me that she got home alright if I was wondering which was weird since it takes her 10min to get home. I took this as a message to call her and facetimed her like we did in the past and she had been crying because of everything and I stayed up with her till she feel to sleep.

    Thinking I had done some real progress I texted her how she was doing and noticed she went back to being cold with me all over again like before. Asked her to dinner and we went to eat tacos everything was fine up until her phone vibrated and it was the other guy texting her. I asked her if he knew we have been meeting up and about me and she said she didn’t tell him anything about whats been going on. I kinda lost my cool and told her she was just playing both of us at the same time and using the excuse of not knowing what she wanted. We ended the night very sour and I of cores wanted a kiss and she said no just a hug this time. She then suggested we stopped talking till she could figure out what she wanted. The next day I asked if we could talk on facetime and we had a good conversation and then I got really serious and said I wasn’t in a competition with the other guy and my worth and value was so much more than and that I would go back into no contact for now and continue working on myself. She was very emotional when I told her this. Did I just make a mistake and ruin all my chances??

    #112056
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    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 1939

    I’m assuming the relationship was a happy one for some years and neither of you cheated. Was there an actual breakup and who asked for it? If not, she’s been cheating on you more recently..

    When did things start to go downhill and when was the last contact?

    Seems you’ve said some cruel things when you were upset which might be natural, but also shows a lack of self control.

    Did she give you advice about things you could do to improve yourself or why she wasn’t happy with you?

    She suggested not talking until she figures out what she wants. So stop asking to see or chat with her! You already told her you’re not competing with the other guy and that you know your own self worth. It’s time to prove it by absolutely no contact for as long as it takes for her to make up her mind.

    I don’t think you made a mistake and it’s impossible to know at this point whether or not you “ruined” your chances or if you even have a chance. Time will tell.

    • This reply was modified 2 months ago by Avatar patricia12.
    #112058
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    fishguy123
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    • Total Posts: 4

    Yes it was a happy one up until the last couple months when we were having arguments and we couldn’t talk to each other. I broke up with her and then tried to just get back with her and work things out the next day but I later learned that she was planning on breaking up with me anyways because of how things were going and she just couldn’t do it. She didn’t give me anything that I need to work on or advice. She has been seeing the guy she had meet up to eat tho through this whole month we have been broken up she did say she likes him as well. She tells me she loves me but it just doesn’t feel the same she was very cold through text but in person she is very different.

    #112066
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    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 1939

    What were the arguments about before you broke up?

    You wrote:” She said the breakup was just so bad with what I had done that she just couldn’t get that memory out of her head.” What did you do??

    Since you’re the one who broke up with her, it’s your choice as to whether you want to try to reconcile, but of course she would have to agree. But since she’s confused and is dating another guy, STOP initiating contact with her! And DON’T sleep with her if or when you two decide to attempt a reconciliation!! In other words, don’t put sex into the equation while talking things through..

    #112068
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    fishguy123
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    • Total Posts: 4

    Probably the main arguments were that I was constantly having to live a lie because her dad is crazy and has a tracker in her car mind you shes 22. So I would have to drive to another city to pick her up while she was “working” in order for us to see each other and she wanted me to see her almost every day. The amount of gas and miles I put in my truck was crazy and expensive. Also we were saving up because we were both on board to get married next year and well I went out and bought a Jet ski that she new I was going to purchase before but I didn’t tell her that I was gonna buy it when I went to go see them.It was getting paid by something I had on the side it had no effect on me or the money I have saved for the wedding. But every time we were arguing she was holding a lot in till one day she litterly exploded on me for keeping things in.

    Although I did break up with her she didn’t want to get back together when I asked because she was already planning on breaking up with me. I basically did her the favor by doing it so she wouldn’t have to.

    So when I broke up with her I basically picked her up and let her have it when I broke up with her and made her in front of me delete basically any evidence of our relationship (pic & videos). When I did it i was pretty much way past the point of no return. She is a very emotional person so I know that it hurt her alot when I did it and I completely regret doing it.

    She showed me later on however she was able to retrieve everything from her computer so that felt good to see all those memories again.

    Im not the one that turns to sex its her because she still doesn’t want to get back together. This last time she initiated contact but like I said she is very cold through text and when we are together she goes back to being herself in love with me which completely throws me off. The guy shes dating doesn’t know we have been meeting or that she still talks to me so that also throws me off as to why he doesn’t know or hasn’t found out. They should be near 2 months dating but they are not official or anything and there dates are mainly going clubing and drinking. Which was something we never did in our relationship because it was not her thing.

    #112080
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    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 1939

    You wrote:”While out fishing I received a picture of my ex with another guy out eating.” Did she send the picture?

    I’m confused .. are you saying you were seeing her for 3 years and her father didn’t know about you? Do you live close to each other? How far away from you is this ‘other city’? And what advantage was it to meet there instead of somewhere close to where she lives?

    So I guess she was mad because you bought a jet skin instead of saving that money for the wedding. Honest communication without secrets is extremely important in relationships..

    You wrote:”..and made her in front of me delete basically any evidence of our relationship (pic & videos).” You made her?? Do you have control issues??

    Apparently she keeps you a secret from the other guy because she doesn’t want to risk losing him and you’re just an ‘option’ she keeps on the sidelines.

    Continue no contact and don’t reply to bread crumbs.

    #112081
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    fishguy123
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 4

    I received the picture from a friend she was basically caught out eating with that guy. She even lied about it also when I asked her what she did that day and she said she worked.

    Yes the father knew but he was a control freak so it put a strain on our relationship. Round trip was about 50miles a day going and coming. If we were to go on a date she would have to be back within like 2hrs so it was better to lie.

    No I don’t have control issues I was just hurt by what had happened at the time it was a stupid decision.

    Idk if im an option or if they are just not serious she tells me they arnt having sex or anything like that and I find it weird if I were to call her late at night we can stay up together. Why wouldn’t they be talking on the phone late at night is what confuses me also. So I messed up last night because I had heard something and I faced timed her about it and well again we fell asleep with the video on at about 6am which also has me confused how we can just do that. Im gonna go back into no contact or should I try to get her to meet up with me again?

    #112082
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    gamecoder.nz
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 219

    NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Definitely no contact. She has you on her hook and that is where she wants you. Stay strong!

    #112089
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    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 1939

    Okay, the other city is 50 miles round trip for you. How far from her? And how far would it be for you to drive to her city?

    Honesty is the best policy and lying always has consequences! Wasn’t she strong enough to confront her father about the relationship, especially since you were going to propose.

    Does she live with her parents? Did her father not want you in his home?

    Well, I’m still confused. What does this mean .. “If we were to go on a date she would have to be back within like 2hrs so it was better to lie.” Did the lying allow longer dates? And how? Did she tell her father she was staying over with a friend?

    What do you mean you “heard something last night” and then face timed her. What was it? Was it a rumor? Was it an emergency?

    She’s probably using you as a distraction from boredom or to create more drama. You wonder why she wasn’t talking with her new guy? Whatever the answer is, it doesn’t matter! And you’re obsessing about her way too much. Try to get some self control and calm down!

    Like gamecoder said, stay no contact.

    • This reply was modified 2 months ago by Avatar patricia12.
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