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Posts
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@california1815 thank you for that reply. You don’t realise how much that meant to me! My family have said it will take as long as it takes – a little bit of time and small steps but it will get there and we will speak again and it will get sorted. And you putting the same has given me such comfort.
I’ve obviously thought about alot of things and I know how I can improve things and I know I really need to show him how much I wish to commit to him. This is pretty much the issue in hand. Loosing the house was the finale as I think he came to his own conclusion that as the house had failed we couldnt be together. We’ve had a flat 6 months plus although I never properly moved in – due to many silly reasons and I can see to him it looked as though I didnt want to. One foot in the door one foot out so to speak which couldnt be further from the truth. It is complicated as I say I have been very un well with a pain condition which has been so hard and as much as you dont want it to it consumes you and you just cant see the bigger picture when it pain. My sister has also been very unwell so I felt like Ive been pulled between her and my bf. I can see he thinks I have pulled towards my sister. In reality it is because we both felt quite lonely when I wasnt with him at the flat and vice versa – and you shouldnt feel lonely when you are with someone – we needed to be together and commit properly.
Its communicating this to him though?? How do I?? Surely actions will speak louder than words. I know that when we do speak and like you say ‘WE WILL eventually speak it will unravel and work out. It will take time but it will get back on track. Im extremely confident about that – I had texted about 3 weeks ago saying this is all just confusion and a misunderstanding which it is. I knew that after he hadnt replied to my dad (and to me after my letter) that last week and this week was not the time to get back in contact and am giving him more time.
I think I may text next week or if I can brave it the week after (he is meant to be going away with friends which was booked months ago and possibly if I text when he is going away it could ruin it? What do you think? Im not sure if its this weekend or next or if he is even going at all now)
What do I put in the text? I am thinking ” Hey I watched a program about Cornwall and it reminded me of you, do you fancy meeting for a coffee?” A reminder of good times and a none confrontational invite? How would I put about improvements?
I was going to use facebook to convey my progress etc but have to be careful as I only have a business facebook page – any suggestions would be helpful
Thanks again for you kindnessI think he loves you but in some insues he can’t handle rigth way with you, if you act historical and nervous with him he will push away, he is under pressure give him some space he will contact you when ready, 14 years it’s a long time…
So I think im going to send a text to my bf on Wednesday. It feels the right time it will be 5 and a half weeks since seeing one another or speaking. Can anyone help with this?
“Hey T, I watched a program the other night about Cornwall, it reminded me off you. Fancy meeting for a coffee? ”
Or a nice coffee, or fancy catching up for a coffee, shall we meet up for a friendly coffee??
Which sounds best? I want it to sound friendly, non confrontational, not needy – chilled
He is constantly checking whatsap at the moment, staying in etc, on his own. I think he is wondering whats happened to me. At night he seems to check his whatsap over and over until we are ‘online’ at the same time and then he stops and presumably goes to sleep. We do this every night fir the past 7 days or so.
please give me a hand guys 😉
Why haven’t I heard a peep out of him? Surely the no contact must be getting to him too? I just do not understand any of this. Even two days prior to him saying he couldnt do it anymore as I would never truly be his he said he loved me and we were intimate (tmi). Am I doing ok with this?? 14 years!!!!!
It’s really hard to say what he’s going through to be honest. Please though, for your sake do not read into whatsapp and facebook etc. I did that for a long time, and it will drive you insane.
The only thing you can work on is real evidence. As much as it hurts, be perfectly aware of your situation at all times. You two are not together. He’s not your boyfriend. You’ve got to accept it to move forward. You have to respect his decision first and foremost, that shows understanding and love. Make sure not to tell him what his decision is again.
Look at the way you post on here, you need to be more calm. I do it too, you can see my thread and you’ll see how erratic it is at times. Be very, very cool. Always.
Until you are really not second guessing yourself, you are not ready. That is very important otherwise you could make mistakes you don’t want to.
A good link for you here, it has a a good message to send in response to no contact.
http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/how-to-stop-your-exs-no-contact-rule/
@california185 I realise my last post was a bit of a panic but it was actually a response to some family issues im having at the moment – I would normally contact you no who for support but couldnt so let the rant out here instead – just reminds you doesnt it and opens up the wound.
Ive read so much online now I feel overloaded and possibly more confused.
I think the basic is give them space, work on your self, and go by your own gut instinct. Think it over and go with what feels right for you. As every person is different and every relationship has complications and are unique to each one. The only set rule for everyone going through this is the importance of giving them space to come to their conclusions – dont push and go with flow. Im still extremely positive that it will get worked out. Im confident and I believe. Positive thoughts and actions attract and create positive outcomes. The universe is watching! 😉That’s pretty much the perfect mindset, you nailed it.
Keep it up girl.
As I said though, be aware of where you are. It will help you in the long run.
And don’t be afraid to grieve if you need to. You have to do it for yourself. It’s good to face the emotions head on.
Hold on, and let go I guess.
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