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I have today reached day 19 of an initial plan of 35 days NC.
My Ex who told me that she was in a rebound relationship with a guy called Danny who she described herself as having “no real connection with” in my opinion had another rebound relationship with a guy called Sam in August. My Ex claimed that this Sam was just a family friend who had became over protective over her and jealous over her relationship and her refusing to take his advice by staying in contact with me.
I played it cool for the first few weeks that I was told about the rebound relationship with Danny and said that I didn’t own her and that she was entitled to do what she liked. I said that it would be inappropriate for me to offer her any advice on her relationship with this guy. My Ex responded by saying “why would it be inappropriate, we both care about eachother don’t we?” and that “she has a great connection with me but not her new guy.” I was like ok and tried to leave it at that.
I spat my dummy out and told her exactly what I thought about her relationship with this Danny on November 6th (the day before my current period of NC started). I lost my composure as I woke up to a message from my Ex asking if I had heard from this Sam. I was like “No, why would I?” This Sam had apparently taken an overdose after being caught out posting up nasty stuff about my Ex and her daughter online (something which he tried to make out was me). My Ex fell out with him and said that she hadn’t heard from Sam in about 6 weeks. When Sam apparently had made contact with my Ex I was told that he was asking her “why is she still in contact with me but won’t talk to him anymore?”
I used to message my Ex on Whatsapp for months throughout our relationship and after I initiated our break up. When this NC period started I deactivated my Facebook account and avoided using Whatsapp as I didn’t want my Ex to see me online. An friend of mine told me that my Whatsapp was showing me as last online on 18th November a few days ago, even though I hadn’t been on it since I had last messaged my Ex on 6th November. I have no idea how that happened, but I started using it again and purposefully staying online for a long time wben my Ex was online to plant the idea in her mind that I might have met somebody else and been busy chatting to a new girl. I have also spent a lot of time offline to further plant these seeds of doubt in my Ex’s mind.
Tonight I received two text messages from my Ex saying “did you know that Sam was a paedophile?” and “sam had turned up at her house and tried it on with her 13 year old niece, she knew that I would probably ignore her but she needs my help.”
I haven’t responded to these texts from my Ex and don’t think that I should send any response to her until after December 10th at the earliest (day 35 of my NC period and the date of an important examination as the final part of a course that I paid to do earlier this year).
What are other peoples thoughts on this? Am I doing the right thing? It seems to me that my Ex is just playing mind games as she knows how much I care for her and knows that I have been there for her no matter what in the past.
Is this a sign that my Ex is trying to re-exert her control over our relationship and break up, as she has seen signs that I have perhaps stopped caring and am moving on? Is my Ex finally starting to see that if she continues to act negatively and directs anger towards me that I may walk away for good and it will be her and her daughter who lose out if I do so?
Any tips or advice appreciated, as this came as an unexpected blow 9n day 19 of NC and I am not sure how I feel about it. I guess that I feel angry about it more than anything, as she is asking me for my help and advice again yet I will be tbe one in the wrong if I offer any.
Should I be sending a message to my Ex asking what kind of help she wants from me and telling her that I am busy but I will speak to her in a couple of weeks about things, or am I doing the right thing by just leaving it for the moment?
Why is she even approaching me for help when she is apparently in a relationship and has her sister and other people who are closer by and are directly responsible for the child there for support?
Is this just a form of emotional blackmail?
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