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Boards No Contact Rule Dating?

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #114937
    AvatarMagnolia
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 23

    Hello! Me again,

    I don’t mean to spam the forums but I have another question:
    In the guide it is described you should at least go on one date.
    Now I know why this can be a recommended since it can give you better outlooks on things, on what you want and that you’re still desired.
    However, is this really mandatory?

    I’ve never ever liked dating. Went on one tinder date and it just made me uncomfortable the whole evening and I was just waiting for it to end. And that was not on my date because he was really trying his best to keep the conversation. He was a really good talker. But I really didn’t feel anything about it.
    And if you wonder how I found my previous exes then: I always got to know them in a safe environment called friend circles.

    #114942
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2668

    @Magnolia I’ve never been a fan of the advice of going out on dates (or even one) soon after a breakup if a person wants to reconcile and during the time it might take to try and work thing out. Most often people can’t focus on the date because they’re thinking about the ex and wishing the date was the ex.
    If you’re not comfortable attempting going out on anymore dates, don’t do it!

    In your other post you wrote:”And whenever we had a small fight with me giving him the fake pout silent treatment he just fixed it with hot chocolate and nice notes”. Never pout and give a boyfriend the silent treatment! It’s best to discuss issues as they happen in a calm respectful way. Some people prefer to be alone to think about the issue before they’re comfortable talking about it and in that case it would be best to say ‘I’m upset right now and hope we can talk about it later’.

    #114943
    AvatarMagnolia
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 23

    @patricia12 Yess, I also happened to read your post on your relationship and am also share the same thoughts as you. I wouldn’t be able to take someone back who dates around after our relationship. And I’m very positive he ain’t doing that rn. So it would be unfair of me to do the same? Kind of a respect thing. And if he does end up dating I know where I stand.

    You’re right. I just wasn’t good with feelings so I rather opted to kind of joke ignore it? Which wasn’t always the best. I’m trying to work on that, of course it’s hard to execute if my work is paying off when I haven’t been in the same situation again. But I hope it’s working!

    #114947
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2668

    @Magnolia Yes, I learned from my mistakes and vowed to approach him with common sense and kindness. We talked through everything and we’ve been back together happily for about 4 years now..

    You also wrote in your other post in reconciliation:”The initial break up was my fault really. I had been the one who emotionally and very childishly told him I didn’t want him anymore and that he had to get my bags ready by tomorrow. Now usually he would be afraid of losing me, which he seemed to be at first. He told me he found it really sad I would break up for this. And eventually when he had given up on fixing things I regretted it”. Always think before you speak and never say anything you might regret later! Telling a man you don’t want him anymore is very hurtful and sounds final. Until you two can discuss what went wrong and how to fix it, he might be reluctant to want to reunite because he’s afraid you’ll dump him again! You seem like a very nice person and he also seems like a nice person, but your interactions with him were less than kind. Work on controlling your emotions and how you respond to people. I think you’re doing great so far!

    Take however long with the no contact you prefer, but if he initiates a contact, don’t ignore him!

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by Avatarpatricia12.
    #114949
    AvatarMagnolia
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 23

    @patricia12 Yes I read that! I’m very happy for you. I of course hope things will turn out the same. But no one can know for sure of course. But I’m willing to believe that the outcome will be a happy one nonetheless.

    They were :(. I hence why I was happy about that one talk. I also apologized and he said it made his day and that he definitely accepts them. He doesn’t sound like he looks badly at me which is already a huge relief for me considering he meant and still means so much to me.
    I really would never want to hurt him again. Thank you, I’m trying to be better.

    Alright! I wasn’t sure about that one yet since some guides did indeed encourage you to ignore your ex when in NC up until the moment you’re ready. But I hadn’t really given it a thought on what to do if he texts. Because part of me thinks he might not reach out and that I’ll have to initiate.
    He doesn’t deserve getting ignored that’s true!

    #114952
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2668

    @Magnolia I’m glad you apologized and that your last conversation was congenial as it works in your favor! But he still has some bad memories of the relationship. No contact is to give both parties a chance to think over why the breakup occurred and whether or not it was best for both of them. It also gives them time to allow the bad memories to fade to the background and the good memories to come to the forefront. And they might miss each other too. If both wish to reconcile, together they can work through the issues:)

    There are certain circumstances when ignoring an ex during no contact is not appropriate and I think that applies in your situation. He was reluctant to agree to the breakup and you are sorry for emotionally hurting him. Consider contacting him in a few weeks to ask how he’s doing and let him know what you’ve been doing.. Starting out slowly with nice casual talk is best. If he initiates contact, respond sweetly and appropriately to whatever he says.

    Good luck:)

    #114953
    AvatarMagnolia
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 23

    @patricia12 I sure hope so. At least it gave me peace and you’re right. I do think reconnecting with casual talk is what will lift some pressure of his shoulders. We shall see how it goes!

    I want to thank you in advance for all your responses. 🙂

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