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Boards Reconciliation Confused what to do

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • #113638
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    camo1982
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    • Total Posts: 3

    Hi, I was with my ex for just under 2 years. Around 2 weeks into our relationship she injured her foot and through out our whole relationship had 5 operations due to an infection never leaving, so she was on a heap of antibiotics the whole time also. We very much loved each other and I supported her the whole time, taking her to and from hospital visits and helping with her young son while she was in and out of hospital. 4 months ago I moved in with her since I was there all the time anyway, we started argueing over petty things, she was very stressed, not able to drive, daily hospital visits and on a knee scooter everyday, but we still truly loved each other. 2 weeks ago we had an argument and I said I will stay elsewhere for the night to give her some space and we will talk the next day. The following day I came back to my belongings all packed up ready for me to leave, she was cold, nasty and very clearly wanted me to go, it was hard but I left. 3 days later I called her to talk and she told me she was in hospital again and agreed for me to come see her. When visiting she tells me she is getting a below the knee amputation done as the infection has spread. Said she loves me but can’t be in a relationship right now. Over the next week she would still reply to my texts and I visited her 3 more times in hospital where she would be clearly still interested one day and not at all the following, she left it as I’m not saying no but needs time to think. The next day she called and said she can’t do a relationship, loves me and knows we have a strong connection but cant do it. It was left at that, I still truly love her, has been 5 days no contact, not sure what to do, any advice would be appreciated, I made it very clear I love her and want to be with her.

    #113662
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    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2253

    @camo1982 You don’t have to do absolute no contact, rather contact occasionally to check up on her health, but do not try and talk her into reconciliation at this time! She has an upcoming life changing operation and surely it worries and scares her. She needs your support, but don’t be too intrusive with contacting too often. Perhaps she’s thinking she doesn’t want to be a burden in a relationship.. Anyway, arguments can easily ruin a good relationship and should be avoided!

    #113667
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    camo1982
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    • Total Posts: 3

    Thanks for the reply, I sent her a text saying I’m thinking of you during this hard and to let her know I’m there for her. She then called me and we spoke, not about the relationship but herself and general chit chat. She had to go and said call me later tonight if you like, where I responded I’ll just come visit you if you like, because I knew that’s what she meant and she agreed. So went to visit her and we were talking about her health and general stuff. She then brought up the relationship and how she loves me and knows we have a strong connection bit is feeling torn and confused. I told her you know how I feel and I can’t make this decision for you. We hugged and kissed goodbye and said love you. Today she called and said she wants to text and call over the next few days and possibly catch up next week as she will be out of hospital. Any thoughts? I haven’t been pushing her at all.

    #113676
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    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2253

    @camo1982 Sounds great so far! Just don’t be pushy and don’t bring up reconciliation unless she initiates that kind of conversation.. She knows how you feel and what you want, so just be supportive for now.. She needs more time to think about you logically, but right now she’s very concerned about the possibility of an amputation and that’s at the forefront of her thoughts!

    Good luck with the texting & calls:) But don’t argue, no matter what! And good luck with the meet up next week too. I pray all goes well for both of you..

    #113678
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    camo1982
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 3

    She has already had the amputation, I’ve seen her 3 times after it. She is very happy with the decision to amputate, as she is no longer sick with infection. Oh and turns out she has been going through early menopause too, she is 35, type 1 diabetic

    #113681
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    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2253

    @camo1982 I’m so sorry to hear of her health problems at such a young age. It will probably be take time to heal from the surgery and at some point she will even be fitted for and trained in the use of a prosthetic leg. That will take lots of time!

    She’s still going through life changing events which can cause a lot of stress and anxiety!

    The breakup was 2 weeks ago, but you’re still “by her side” and being supportive, and I’m sure she is very appreciative. Don’t talk about reconciliation any time soon as it will put too much pressure on her. She has enough to deal with at this time..

    Good luck:)

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