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Do you think it could push him further away if I don’t answer?
I find it’s good that he said sorry but there was no direct question that I need to answer now and I think if I don’t answer it gives me more time to get my head straight about everything and also him to miss me more and work on himself too, no?
Her brother just posted a picture of her from last summer, they look so happy and she looks beautiful. I saw it and just started bawling… people say guys shouldn’t be sensitive… fuck that.
I miss her so much, I just want to be able to hold her and tell her I love her. She could be cold, distant, insulting, she could say “I don’t love you” 1000 times and still… I would do anything for her, even tho she’s tho sole purpose why I’m sad I still want her to be happy.
I just wish she would call me and say that she made a mistake. I am so scared to contact her, what if she doesn’t even reply… I wish she knew how I felt right now. The mix of emotions, the amount of love and anger I feel towards her.
Even if the plan fails and we don’t get back together, I don’t think I’ll have the strength to just cut her out of my life…
I am so fucking sad right now. I feel like I’m in a nightmare that I can’t wake up from…
Remember when I told you about my childhood? The cancer, alcoholic father, multiple people leaving? Well… I would do that all again if that meant we could have a happy life together.
This may come across as super needy and weird… I don’t really care tho, I still love her and no matter how much I try the whole won’t close. When the pain feels like it’s gone, one memory is all it takes to bring me back to the moment she said “I love you” and “I’m not in love with you”
I’m confused and scared…
I know how you feel though. I think you are only on an emotional rollercoaster again right now because it’s not long anymore until you will contact her and you don’t know what to expect. That’s normal!
But please keep in mind: There is a possibility she might not answer because she isn’t ready yet. Her negative feelings towards you might be still there then and the missing period hasn’t hit her yet.
In that case wait another two weeks. You have to be prepared for it! Also if she is answering cold or you notice it’s not very friendly how she talks to you, wait another 1 or 2 before contacting her again.
In the case she doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore in general: You should move on. I know she is the love of your life and you cannot imagine a life without her but: Out there are so many other great people waiting for you even if you cannot see that right now. You won’t end up alone! And the feeling of loss will disappear sometime, time heals everything and then you can look at this period of your life and can tell yourself “I did everything that I could”.
But until that (maybe it will never happen!) happens: Stay calm, deep breaths and concentrate on something else. If the weather is nice today, go for a walk and appreciate all the things you have and gained in your life BESIDES her.
Something that NC should teach us is that we are able to live without our partner and that we don’t need them to be happy. I hope you know that already because you are a good guy and you don’t deserve happiness 🙂
So: One last day of distracting yourself! You will be fine. 🙂 And if you panic: I’m here to talk.
You said “because you are a good guy and you dont deserve happiness” ? lol
I know it’s a matter if wanting to go on, I don’t feel this way currently but 2 – 3 weeks after we broke up I thought about my future without her. Well… I didn’t want one, I would have suicidal thoughts all the time, I didn’t and still don’t want to die obviously but it was like one part of my brain didn’t care about living where the other did.
I don’t think she’ll be rude or cold, I think she’ll keep sentences short. She never writes huge sentences when texting… ever. Even when she had a huge crush on me she didn’t they were longer but never like 4 sentences or a paragraph. Also whenever I looked at her messages in her phone (I know it’s weird… but every couple does it from time to time) or when she would be texting her friends it’s always 3 – 15 words. What I’m trying to say is that she isn’t a long texter lol.
So instead of looking for short texts I’ll look for passive aggressive, rude, cold or other signs that indicate she doesn’t want to text.
Any other tips?
If texting works out how do I bring up calling?
OOOooooh sugar, that was not meant to happen, because you DO deserve happiness! Sorry, had a lot on my mind 😀
No but seriously: You are a good guy and you do deserve happiness!
I can understand those feelings. Those feelings may come in situations like this when you are not as “stable” as other people. Have you maybe thought of going to a group councelling or to a therapist in general? I’m not saying you are crazy or mentally unhealthy! I can just speak from my experience because it helps me a lot to deal with my anxieties and I believe that a lot of that thinking you have or had comes from what you have been through.
Yes that’s true, look for those emotions in it. But remember you might be so happy that she is writing at all you won’t even see the signs! And also remember to wait at least 30 min before you answer 😀 it will give her something to think about.
So if texting works out, let’s say you are in touch on Tuesday, give her a break on Wednesday(also important I think! Give her a bit of the “cold shoulder”) and text again on Thursday and Friday. On Friday you will see how everything is going. Maybe she already has called you by then: If not stay calm! Go through things you have talked about and think about something that’s worth to call her for. “Hey could I call you in a sec? You won’t believe what happened to me. I wanted to tell you in person because I thought you might be interested.”
Is it easier for you to call her first than meet up? Maybe you find it easier to meet up already because there can’t be any misunderstandings, you can read her face and see if she is smiling while talking.
After not talking for two weeks and before that not talking for a month, I think I should probably call before asking to meet up 🙂
I just started panicking again…what if it’s wrong not to answer and he thinks I don’t care? Do you think that could happen? I’m so scared to lose him fully 🙁 It doesn’t really help that I’m sick in bed now for already 4 days and can’t really much go out and distract myself with better things than music, movies and drawing.
You already know the answer 🙂
There is a good chance he’s not going to move on if you guys had a meaningful relationship but with that being said everyone is different. He may move on or he may not, he may find it offensive he may not. If it was me I would expect a reply back but I wouldn’t be very offended if I didn’t get one, you said you guys need space. He should know you won’t respond, just keep calm, I hope you feel better soon!
Text if you want to talk about the relationship or if you’re just bored 🙂
That’s true… thanks so much for all your answers! I think I would have written him at some point if I didn’t get support in this forum.
I’m just really scared that he moves on and doesn’t want me back. But of course we all are..
I just got back from group therapy for anxieties and that helped again. How has your day been?
Hmmm I was thinking of writing him:
It’s nice to hear from you. I’m sorry you’re sad. I’m good but at the moment I need space to concentrate on myself. I will write you once I am ready to talk again.
What do you think?
I think that sounds good, if you send it and he replies don’t respond.
I have my message how’s this?
“We’ll things have slowed down, caught up with everything for the most part. Hey I saw you got a haircut, I’d like to hear how you’re liking the teeny tiny hairs look lol.”
I said “teeny tiny hairs” because in the picture she posted that I’m referring to that was the caption.
What you think? I’m writing it today so I need your opinion/advice asap lol. Hewp me pwez!
John (I know it’s not your real name). I messed up….big time! I feel I’m so stupid. I feel like I have lost him forever now… We got into a conversation and I stayed calm and it was nice and short. But I felt I wasn’t ready for it at all! So this morning I just texted him to ask why he texted me and he said he is fine with NC but thought I wanted to check in with him and I didn’t so he wrote me. And I told him I thought that I think it’s good that we work on ourselves and are in NC but that I don’t just want to throw away what we both had. and he snapped…he went cold again and he asked why did I bring this up and that he misses me but also knows he is sad but never as sad as he was in the relationship. And that I should accept that he doesn’t want a relationship anymore with me. It almost killed me to hear that…I just said I accept the break up and that I want to continue on NC and said bye. John, I’m so stupid, I shouldn’t have done this. I was so weak and saw he was online and had the question in my head and then just asked. I wasn’t ready for conversation at all 🙁 And today I started using tinder and I think that made me so emotional because I felt I wasn’t ready to meet new guys.
I think your text is very cute! And I hope your conversation will be better than mine but I’m sure it will be!
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