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I will try to be short on my mess. I am married been with R, my husband for 9 years now. R, is an amazing guy he treats me good and wants me to succeed in life. He is the perfect catch but, he can’t have babies anymore. He did the vasectomy after having several children with his ex wife. When I met him I didn’t mind that at all ofcourse, I was young and I thought I’d never want to have kids.
Well, that changed with time and me not getting younger. I met G the other guy who’s single,no kids and wants to start a family ASAP I MET him at work and we have been fooling around for 5 months now. The thing is he doesn’t know am married and he wants me to move in with him. The thing that drags me towards him is that he can have babies with me but he won’t give me the stability that R is given me all throughout this years. My heart is aching, I don’t picture my life without R but at the same time I want a baby with G I want to experience the whole pregnancy thing, yes, R And I have been talking about adopting and invitro fertilization but I am so not convinced about either or.i feel like if I go with G I’d lose everything (monetary speaking) and another thing that I talked to his sister the other day and she told me to be careful, to not make things so easy for him.i asked her if I should know something I don’t but here what she said “From what you told me the last time..you’ve compromised a lot for the relationship..what has he to offer you aside wanting you to have his babies” I rally don’t know what to do I wish somehow I can get a sign or an advice to help me decide what to do. This is very painful for myself and am sure if one of them find out it’d be the end of this misery but I don’t want this to end badly.@mariah33 – Please stop being unfaithful to your husband! He’s good to you and believe it or not, but a lot of guys are not so amazing. They might seem like it in the beginning, but in the long run, many women are unhappy in relationships or marriage due to not being treated nicely. Go to a clinic and find out more about in vitro and also adoption. End the relationship with G and the sooner the better.
Wanting a baby is no excuse for adultery and hurting the good man who is your husband!
Ouch, this doesn’t sound like it is going to end well. I’m going to be honest.
You are essentially saying you are staying with your husband for money and you’d leave him if he didn’t have any. I’m being honest from what I read you wrote.
You have strong feelings for G but he isn’t stable. You want kids but you also want security. G can give you kids and is probably more exciting to be with as it is a secret relationship but you don’t see how that will work out long term and it sounds like G might not really want to be a good father, he just wants you to have kids and wants to have some fun. The excitement the relationship might give you is temporary.
What you need to consider at this point is you might lose both of them. You might end up pregnant from G, then your husband leaves you and then G doesn’t really want to take care of kids, he just likes the idea of having kids and he can’t support them financially anyway. So, you end up with a kid or kids but without a partner in life to be a father to them. And a ton of drama while it is all going on.
So, what to do here?
A vasectomy is reversible and it is much cheaper to do that than to do in vitro fertilization or do adoption. It is called a vasectomy reversal and they just put the tubes back together. Unless there is some other reason he got one (genetic reasons, etc.) the instead of considering in vitro or adoption, would he consider that?
I would agree with patricia12 and I would have a very serious talk with your husband about that. All I know about him is that you wrote he got a vasectomy which means he felt like he was done having kids. And he must have felt like when he married you that you knew the deal. But you said he is willing to talk about in vitro and such so that’s a sign that he really cares about you.
Honestly, the relationship with G has a good chance of destroying everything you want. I wish the best for you.
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