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Ok. I had to re-read everything because I have missed a lot of points. First all, you have to know that to us women, after a breakup, a lot of guys move on fast and date women the next day. Not literally, and not generalizing, but yes, it happens. I don’t know if my ex is already dating someone now, to be honest. So no, she is not crazy to think if you’ve moved on after 2 months. Lol. That being said, she should know you have not moved on because you’re still pursuing her. 🙂
I still say go on and greet her happy birthday. I prefer you do it day of, but if you want day before, it’s up to you.
She has said that she feels like that things are not the same at the moment. I really think at this point you have to give each other space. If you both still have those feelings, she will reach out too later on.
You’ve realized all the mistakes you’ve done, and I trust you won’t repeat them again.
I know you are scared that if you lose contact, she will move on and you will lose her forever. I wish I had a better answer for this. 🙁 At this point, I think it’s best to give each other space.
My only hope for the both of you is if the time comes fate will bring you back together, you can start talking about things with a clear head and when you’ve both changed and grown-up.
It’s hard for me to say this as I am in the same situation too. But we all know this is the right thing to do, to leave each other alone for awhile. But still greet he a happy birthday and keep it short. 🙂 We’re here for you if you want to continue to open up and keep is updated.
Ironside,
I also have to add, it seems like the both of your are kind of burned out right now, the relationship burned out and you need a break/ rest and re-charge and you need a lot of time off to do that.
I always believed that love was enough to keep two people together. Even you mentioned that some things became so routine and boring. Even in a marriage, this happens a lot. The reason they are still together is because they made that commitment to each other. Yet, sometimes they quit too that is why there is divorce. At 18 years old, I admire your understanding about this whole concept. I don’t think she quite grasps it yet, and that is totally understandable because of age. 🙂
MrsWB, you are a life saver..you just opened my eyes even more. So sorry to jump in and crash lol but was reading, and what you said “relationship burnedout, and need a break/ rest and recharge”. Maybe this is something my ex thought about and wanted for us. As i know when/if we return, we will love each other more than ever.
A quick sum up of myself, I was together with my ex for 7 years. Everything was perfect but she went away for family reunion and she HAD to be independent as i didnt go with her, and usually i do everything for her but she wanted a break from eachother as she wanted to appreciate me more but i also took her for granted and miss her so dearly. She told me she loves me and wants to spend life with me but with this break up i cant live off of what she said, as it can easily change we may not end up together so i’ll never give up on her. I have been improving myself if many ways and hope to show her the new and improved ver 2.0, i have seen photos and she still wears the ring i got her and hopefully thats a sign she still loves me. We also had something similar to Ironblood, we were doing things like a routine and we never went out with our friends and we just wanted to be with eachother, but with this break up, it made me realize that my friends and important as they helped me get over the break up and im sure her friends did the same.
I dont plan to date for a really long time as she’s the only girl id want, and for me to get over 7 years of memories of her will take a long time before i get with someone else. For other men out there who can simply jump onto another girl is definately a rebound, as they probably are just wanting a one night stand or something but sex is nothing compared to love. There is something about a womans love.
Hello Pingpong, glad my words can help you in some way. The way I look at it, and again, not generalizing, you both dated since HS. I think in this day and age, it’s amazing how you both lasted that long considering how this generation is. There are so many options out there that it is so easy to let go and jump to the next thing, but you guys stuck it out for this long, and I admire both your maturity in this relationship.
I am sure she stil has strong feelings for you, and I am sure she is not dating anyone else or looking into it, but this is what I think is happening to her: You know when 2 people at such a young age get married, they felt obligated because they got pregnant, or they thought they met the love of their life and it was the right thing to do after HS or college. That is ok, but going back to my first comment, that was common in the early days because not much was going on back then. Life was much simpler (as I was talking to my 80ish year old neighbor the other day who is still with her husband. They married when they were still in college). You and your gf being together for 7 years, you both haven’t been with anyone else except with each other. “My opinion” is she has not experienced the world yet without you in it. This is all new to her. It’s like those teens who married at 19 all of a sudden divorced at 25…Because they have not had that chance to enjoy their lives in the formative years. I felt this is what happened to her. I had a co-worker though who met her bf in HS, and they did end up marrying and have 2 kids now. So, it still does work out in this day in age. It just so happened in your situation, I think she needed that space to feel life without you for now. I know you’re not gonna date after 7 years. And I am sure she isn’t looking at that either. I know you both are doing the right thing keeping all contact short and not forcing each other. I know, it’s painful. On my thread, I mentioned I broke NC rule 3x. I got 2 responses out of 3. He clearly doesn’t really care to speak to me. It hurs, but I can’t force my feelings.
Pingpong, I wish both of you luck. I hope one day she will come around and realize all the love you have shared all these years. She is a lucky girl to have you. I wish my ex was fighting for me the way you are for her. Take care.
Thank you so much !! I do agree that the relationship did burn out along with us. We almost “crashed” ? If that’s the right word… we do definitely need space apart to gather our thoughts and fix our selves 100% and being together was definitely a challenge considering our whole “routine” and changes going on in our lives. I do really miss her obviously as I’ve said and dont want to lose her for good. I also don’t want her to be unhappy either, it’s hard to imagine her moving on but the thought hurts.
I also do realise how pathetic and immature i was when we broke up. Which i feel the need to apologise for at a later date if communication is restored.
Not sure if it makes an ounce of difference but she’s kept me on her instagram and snapchat and has also kept some photos of our first date/day out together on our own. She also kept the photo of the day out of the eclipse and the place we use to hang out with our best friends and each other before we started dating. ( we double dated with our best friends at the same time).
It’s been 10 days since we broke up and it honestly feels like I’ve been away from her for a life time. I see her sometimes liking quotes on her instagram such as ” my mother at 25: married 2 kids
Me at 25: waking up with chicken after a night out of drinking”Is this a subliminal message lol? Or am i thinking too much into it?
I keep finding strands of her hair around my room and i can almost smell her perfume still on my clothing after the wash. It almost makes me feel deppressed. I’ll admit i haven’t been able to bounce back as quick as the times before as at this moment i have no friends due to university. So this site is pretty much all i have as sad as it sounds lol.
Thanks for the help.
Hello Ironblood,
Yeah, I’m so sorry. 🙁 It is what it is for now. She is not reaching out, and that has to be respected. Omg, I know how hard that is since most of us here are going through it… And that it why we are here.
When we are in love, we do a lot of things on implulse and later realize we’re foolish for doing it.
You know how hard it is for me that my ex never came back and he never fought for me? Somehow I am jealous of some of the (ex) couples here who try to save it. When he broke up with me, that was it. I never begged, pleaded. I had 2 moments of weakness though and contacted him. He responded back with no enthusiasm.
Her keeping your pictures on IG is still consolation she cares for you. I do see a lot of broken up couples who keep old pics of them, though. Believe it or not, my ex and I have not one picture together. I don’t know why. Maybe we thouht it wasn’t a big deal. I for one am insecure of my looks. I regret not having any for us to look back of our time together.
I also get the hairs and clothes thing. I clean a lot so my ex’s hair is nowhere to be found. Lol but he left some clothes behind and i have 1 shirt by my bedside just folded. I miss his clean smell all the time.
If you are expecting to bounce back fast, it’s not going to happen. And it’s ok. About the friends situation, I understand that too. all my friends are married or single parents. I don’t go out either. My BF was who I had. He has a group of friends though. I honestly think he prefered them than me.
In the meantime, don’t do anything drastic to drown the pain. You’re not the type any way. Some of them say to “show” them you’re having a great time without them. Will that make you feel better? If you truly want to do things, do it for you.
Her liking those types of photos on IG, I won’t read much into it. But in my case, if I did that, to me it’s I don’t see myself being married at 25 with 2 kids. At 41 years old, that is not something I would do, though. Lol! I am not on FB as much. My ex on the other hand continues to post non-stop on his political views. He’s always been passionate about that. I’ve seen a few of his friends posting videos of them doing stuff. He seems to be doing ok without me.
I say, still do greet her in her birthday.
Also at least you realize you don’t want her to be unhappy. This is cliche, but as they say, if you love them, set them free. If they come back, it was meant to be. 🙂
From the past 2 break ups she doesn’t reach out for a while then suddenly reached out opening up. I obviously hope she does this again but it doesn’t seem likely. And I meant she kept pictures of the locations/views from where we went together. We’ve never actually uploaded pictures together either as we didn’t really think it was a big deal. Although she did use have a heart next to her name to signify she was taken lol. But she removed that when we first broke up and never put it back since. She also deleted the photo of the roses i got her after the first time we broke up also but never has deleted the photos i stated above. Not sure if it means anything again however.
And lol belive it or not i actually said that to her. I forgot to mention but before i asked her to tell me to move on etc.. i actually said i don’t mean to sound cringey or cliche although it is, i understand the saying if you love some one you have to let them go and we did have a little giggle at that. My sense of humour kept slipping out during this time here and there to try and make light of the situation but it was almost like a defense mechanism…lol.
I still feel there is something strong between us cause how else would we keep running back into each others arms. But i know this time is different and i accept that. I just don’t want her doing anything with any other guy and then coming back to me cause that will crush me.. cause i wont be able to take her back ever. That’s assuming she’ll even ever consider talking to me.
P.s not to be rude or assume but i know generally people in their 30s+ don’t use or know what snapchat is but i noticed after posting pictures and videos on there for a couple days my ex wouldn’t watch them which was unusual. Then on thursday night / early friday morning she watched it. I don’t know again if im looking into it too close but could this means she misses me? I don’t know.. she’s good at being cold even though i know she’s feeling something. I just wish i could speak to her and almost tell her to snapout of it and just let us be happy together but i know the world is not as simple as that.. lol. Thank you for keeping up with me.
Thanks for your input MrsWB, I am sure your ex will return to contact you. As most men they try to get their ex back LATER on when they start to realize what they’ve been missing. But I am sure he will contsct you again but you will be much stronger than.
So some bad news for me, my ex texted me this morning saying not to call her (I called her the other day if she wanted to grab a bite but she never picked up) and the other weeks we’d text but this week she was definitely diffrent, wasn’t her self and I could tell (we don’t text everyday but send s text every few days) she told me not to call her cause she was seeing someone. We broke up 1 and a half month ago. From what ironblood said, maybe I should let go. I don’t want to give up on her but maybe just give her time to explore, give her time to realize and see life without me. Maybe he’s a rebound and get her mind off of thinking me, or maybe he’s the one. But I am much stronger now and I won’t be dating anytime soon as I am not that type of man who will just date in spite. But it is what it is. You will be strong too ironblood, as you said it’s only been 10days of NC, work on yourself. As I did, and I am so much stronger now.
Pingpong, I am so sorry to hear that. 🙁 For sure he is a rebound because 7 years is 7 years. I think she just wants to explore her world with other people now. This makes me sad. She’s testing the waters now with a new person. I was once a rebound too and it ended miserably. My friends kept telling me to be thankful my bf ended it at 7 months before ot dragged along to years. My sister was with her bf for 16 years. He ended up marrying someone else because my sister did not want to be married and have kids. He did.
If you feel like you still need to talk, we’ll be here, same with you ironblood. I’d still love to know any progress with your life and situation.
Thank you both of you! I’m still trying to be strong. I know she was out today with her friend for shopping and lunch and usually if they go out for the day they go out together for a night out. I’m scared she’ll do something with another guy.
The last time we broke up she was on a dating app speaking to this guy and they talked on the phone and she admited they were both talking dirty. That was what made her come back last time. She was ashamed that she even went on the dating app let alone talked to some one. They were suppose to meet but she told me she cut him off after 3 days of texting and said no one could replace me and that she knows she shouldn’t have done it. She said she was lonley and didn’t want to think about me and she said she understood if i dont ever want her back. She wrote a huge paragraph basically saying she’s sorry and that she’d always love me.
Now i have visions of her just going out and guys approaching her. I have to admit she is very beautiful – that’s not even the right word. I’m not just saying this cause i love her she’s generally really hot! That’s why I’m scared that she’ll move on in a rebound. If she even touched another guy in a sexual way i could not forgive her.
I also know it’s her moms birthday and we were suppose to go shopping to buy her a present and i said i would buy her a card but lol… i miss her like crazy. I generally have never been so close to another human being. This sucks so much.
Ironblood, you know sometimes, when 2 people are broken off, the bets are all off as painful as that sounds. Even though it sucks that some seem to move on quick, not necessarily being emotionally involved, but getting into flings to fill in the void that is missing in their lives. The human mind is complex, isn’t it? It’s like why fill the void with a new guy or girl if we’re here loving them with all out hearts?! It’s not like they will fall in love with someone else tomorrow.
Have you seen that movie “500 Days of Summer”? That is honestly one of the most excruciating films I’ve ever watched and I will never watch it again. But if you have not, that movie is a harsh reality of relatiosnhips in real life. 🙁 It’s very accurate.
That is very true. We can’t help our nature as humans. And no I have not seen the film. I wouldn’t really want to put my self through that much pain lol. How are you coping?
Ironblood, lol. Yeah. It’s ok if you don’t want to see it now. But I really do suggest it in the future. 🙂 I’m still sad. As much as I am getting comfort in this board, I want him to come back, but deep down inside me I know it’s not happening, because it’s been 7 weeks and he has shown no interest.
You know what? Prior to meeting my current ex, I had another bf. Coincidentaly,or as fate might have it, when i was broken up in the summer of 2012, I met my bf on my way to work, he was on his way home. I wrote about it in my thread.
I pinned for this ex for 3-1/2 years… Until he got engaged and that was the only time I was able to let go and move on with my life. Did I cry? I was sad of course, but at the same time, I felt this huge weight lifted of my shoulders. I was actually relieved that he got engaged. I was feeling better about myself until I crossed paths with my current ex, and we is a million times better (not even comparable) to 2012 ex.
Ironblood, I hope you find some peace. I hope we all find it. Again, if you feel you want to vent, I’ll be here to listen. 🙂 Stay strong.
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