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The funny thing is i went through my emails to thank people on this site for helping me win my ex back. Now I’m here again.
Ive been with her for nearly 2 years.
The 3rd major break up has happened. I as you expect feel like shit. When I won her back everything was perfect. We tried new things we travelled we stopped a habbit of just going to her house and spending the whole day and night there doing nothing. Everything was great until instead we fell into the slow habbit of staying at my house every weekend. We fell into a routine. I stopped working out after 4 months of hard work. It all fell apart again. I’m so tired of this but i dont want to give up as i belive she could be the one. If you read my previous post (if you can be bothered) you’ll see.
She as usual said she was feeling like before another words not “in” love with me. She said we shouldn’t speak and that it’s past repair. She cried and cried. It started off her not talking as much since she’s started her new job and i go to university in 2 weeks. She works full time. Its her second week and she hasn’t had much rest.
The weekend past she stayed at mine as usual but this time it was different. I sensed that and that was why when she asked me to meet her after work i wanted to go on a date and treat her. Instead we went to my house ordered takeaway. It was boring and stale. We ran out of things to talk about and watch. She fell asleep while I stayed up. Weeke end past i message her have a good day and she doesnt reply till she gets back. We always phone after she gets home cause she has a long walk and i sometimes order her a taxi. This week she didn’t talk as much and there was almost silence like she didnt want to talk to me. I senesed something wrong and brought it up but she just said she was tired until today. She burst out crying on the phone. I knew it was that time again.
I straight away went to her house and tried to talk. I said i dont want it to be like last time. I want to fight instead of giving up all the time. Of course this wasn’t the right thing to do. She said she feels at thr moment its past repair. She said she felt weird getting changed infront of me so i guess the intimacy has died as we havnt got intamate alot latley. She said she feels trapped. She said its making her miserable and she doesn’t want to make me upset but its for her happyness. She said she was sorry. I told her i felt like it was going bad again. Then she said she’s never felt like its been the same as when we got together. I explained the honey moon phase never lasts and thats where you fight for each other but she just shrugged and sighed and said she wants that butter flies feeling and wants what we had. She says shes always felt something was blocking us of her feeling that however I don’t believe her as everytime we get back together things are better than before. It almost constantly improves. Like I’d said when we got back together this time it was better than before. We went travelling around our country and went out. We enjoyed staying in instead of it being miserable but we fell into the habbit of it becoming a routine. Evefy weekend without fail she would come over.
Honestly i dont know what to do. I’ve spoken with my mother and she says its a teenage thing ( I’m 18) and that she agrees anyone doing the same thing rinse and repeat will get sick of it and eventually you will get sick of each other and i do belivee that has happend again. Up until this past 2 weeks i didnt have anymoneym i just finished college and now im heading into university with a £8 thousand a year loan so i can now finally do things. We even planned on going away to Amsterdam like i just dont get it. I want this to work out. But i know i need to improve on my self and ask my self is it worth it. How do i know we wont break up again.
She honestly means alot to me. Not only is she hot but she’s honestly my bestfriend and lover. Like i dont just want her back cause I’m lonely i generally have deep feelings for her. I’m in love with her. Not the idea of her.
I already know this. Our relationship does need work but nothing is perfect however at this very moment she doesn’t feel as if though its worth it. She feels its past that now. But i honestly think we can push past this. I honestly love her so much. Like this isn’t just a college thing. I’m not delusional. We had something special but we didn’t have much friends to socialise with. We also had no hobbies so we almost relied on each other for company every week instead of it being more of a relationship it got to the point as if it was a meeting schedule. At the moment i want her back. I still have her scent on my pillow. Her hairs are still here. However I’m not as upset as first 2 break ups as I’ve almost adapted to it. I just want to fix this if it’s even fixable. Any advice/ help will be appreciated. Thanks.
P.s i feel like it’s a repeated pattern almost the same exact timing aswell. I just wsnt to break the habbit snd move forward without worrying if i will lose her. But I’ve lost her….so i cant dwell. I miss her already. Lol
Long and lonely nights await me. I’ll be honest i don’t have much friends. My best friend is moving city. I’m pretty much on my own at the moment. I just wish we could work this out.
It’s so simple, wonder why you can’t see what to do if you get back together. Stop repeating the same pattern! Don’t see each other every single weekend. Don’t call each other every single day and night. Back off and you’ll both appreciate the time you do spend together and you’ll have more to talk about. You’ll both be busy with work, school, and other things. Maybe see each other twice a month for a few hours. Try going to each others parents house to visit or have dinner once in a while. Date the old fashioned way where you go out to a movie or play miniature golf etc. It doesn’t have to be expensive. A picnic in the park maybe. Anyway, you’ve been acting like you’re joined at the hip or married spending hours and hours and hours together.
She’s young and wants to have fun..As for now, I guess you’ll be going through the process of no contact for awhile again. Try not to obsess and maybe start working out again. Anything to distract your negative thoughts. Very sad to hear this latest news, but even one good friend can help you through
Yet again thank you for being here Patricia12 i do understand what not to repeat anymore it’s just she seems like she’s had enough. We did have fun when we went out for example a friend played a gig and i took her with me and introduced her to my old friends and we had fun we danced she came to mine and it was amazing.
I do understand we act like an old married couple and i dont wwnt that. I want us back to how we were when we were happy and doing things. Thanks for the advice again patricia. I do appreciate again thank you. Learning to improve and distract my self.
Now that i think about it. Before i left her house yesterday she said she even felt uncomfortable getting changed infront of me. That hurt cause the weekend we were sexual. She says she doesn’t feel it that way cause our “sex” isn’t amazing.
I also fellinto the habbit of gettinf comfortable again!!!! My male role toned down and it was almost like we were on equal levels or switched roles. I get it i should have stuck with being a man. Due to us getting into routine and things getting boring and me not taking my male responsibility of taking action such as when we went out last week I asked her what she wanted to do. I should of had a day planned so i could take control.
I don’t want to be this “ex” to her that is needy or pushy for sex. I wasn’t .. we just weren’t intimate at the right times. We were “horny” at different times. We stooped being romantic. I can’t belive i let this happen again. It almsot happend in the background. I didn’t even realise. I was warned about getting into the habbit. Shes bored and bored of me. Im a tape on loop. I’m beating my self up again and again. I don’t know what to do. I have no idea if this is going to be like times before or for certain. This feels like it’s it. Like she doesn’t want to go back. I fucked up. But I’m not the only one to blame. But i do twke responsibility for my lack of “male” role during the end. The past 4-5 weeks we did the same thing. I just wish i could go back and change things. I’m deeply hurt. I’m angry at my self. I feel i should give up but a part of me wants to fight for her.
It’s almost like I work hard to win her back everything goes perfect when we are back together. Then now that i have her i get comfortable and take her for granted. I can’t belive this has happend again. I’m ashamed of my self. I truly don’t think she has it in her to change her mind. I love her so much. Last week she was talking to me about kids and how her new job at a school really made her want a child and she was like we should have one in a jokey way but she mentioned this before along time ago. Before we left when it was over yesterday she was crying and said ” dont you think i want us to be happy and get married and have kids but i just dont feel like its ever been a 100% the same. It’s gotten better and good but not the butter fly feels when we were first together” etc. I said in my defense that it was the honey moon phase and that never lasts forever. She said she knew and that she didnt feel happy.
I felt like we were happy when we got back together though. When we got back we travelled and she spent the weekends at mine and for the first 4-6 weeks everytime she stayed over we would litteraly be laughing all the time together just messing around and loving each other. I don’t understand. She can’t have faked that. Maybe she doesn’t know what she wants or how she feels. Maybe she doesnt want to keep working hard to keep the relationship going. Maybe its not worth it for her.
I don’t know. I can’t believe im.here again. At this low. I thought i truly got out this time. Things seemed like they would pick up especially now that she has a new job and i have money to do things with my university coming up. My university is only 3 days a week. So it couldn’t have been due to that. I still have her smell in my room and its driving me insane. I cant sleep. I can’t concentrate on anything even working out without stopping automatically to pace around my room thinking about what went wrong and about her. I’m miserable. I don’t even know if i should get my self up and fight or just stay here. It’s easy giving up right? Doesn’t feel that way
Just had a weak point. i knew she finished work around now so i phoned. i asked if she was ok. she replied in a blunt way. almost with no emotion. i ended up asking why she wasn’t happy and she didn’t really explain just went on to say “ive already told you i dont want to keep bringing it up cause its upsetting me “i asked again and she said” it just never felt the same as when we first got together”. i then went on to say i understood it got boring and we didn’t do much and i said was she happy when we got back together and she said “yeah but i don’t know. it didn’t feel the same” yet we were really happy and in love. she even said i love you first to me when we got back together. sex was great again. but then i explained its almost like we are amazing when we get back together then we slowly get into a routine and take each other for granted. i told her i didnt want to be that ex that she disliked and she said of course she doesnt and no one could compare to me. i tried to explain why we kept making the same mistakes and she said ” we have tried a couple times and you know… it’s too much for me to keep going over”. i said i understand and told her this was the last time i wanted to try too but i still care. I stil want to try again. i feel like its more than do able if we both put in effort. and actually date. like we started doing.
I don’t want to lose her forever. I know we sound a dysfunctional pair but i really feel deep down it can work and it has just we have our weak moments that take the better of us. for example, at the moment she doesn’t even want to be near me. i’m sorry for alot of paragraphs. I just don’t know what to do anymore. i don’t want to give up. the good times out weigh the bad. she said there were more problems than just bordem. she said she enjoyed when she came round but i know obviously too much of the same thing… anyone will get bored. i can tell she’s drained and it seems like she has really had enough. if you read my past posts from when we broke up before maybe that would give you an insight.
will no contact even make a difference at this point? it’s worked every time before but just… this time feels different.
I’m so stupid. I keep getting weak. I just messaged her saying i missed her. Then sending 3 photos of us together and saying i know its not the right time to talk but was all this was fake?
She replied saying its not and she doesnt know how she could fake it.
I said why do you dislike me so much.
She replied this isn’t fair and doesn’t dislike me at all but is finding this hard that’s why she doesn’t want to talk.
I don’t know what to do. I just want to almost snap her out of this. Say fuck it we made a mistake of getting in a routine. I would love to just take her to Amsterdam like we were talking about. I was thinking for her birthday in a couple weeks. She was even talking about it like 2 weeks ago. I just don’t understand. I don’t want to lose her cause i know its not as complicated as she makes it out to be. It’s almost feels blown out of proportion. This hurts so much. I have no idea if i even have an inch of chance this time and it’s killing me cause we made mistakes again.
If we did get back. I couldn’t let us get in a routine. I’d be spontaneous now that we have money. It just sucks cause it seemd abit shitter than usual but i was looking forward to the weeks to come considering we could do stuff now.
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this confusion and heartbreak again for the 3rd time. You explained the “honeymoon phase” and yet she either doesn’t want to believe it or thinks she can feel the butterflies again with someone else. She enjoyed traveling with you and acted like a loving girlfriend, but at home she gets bored easily and breaks up. But you shouldn’t be made to feel like you have to constantly entertain her. Maybe she’s immature. How old is she? Did she date much before she met you? How many other relationships has she been in and for how long?
She’s the same age as me 19. I know it seems we’re really young but i actually really do love this girl and if you asked me could you see yourself with this girl to marriage. I’d say yes … it may seem delusional especially at this age but i generally think that. We were so close. I think it almost was like we became friends almost.. i think? I lost my male role. Our ronance died cause we litteraly just sat in bed every week end for like a good 8-12 weeks. So it’s fairy logical for her to get bored and feel that way.
She’s never been with anyone for as long as she’s been with me vice versa. Her most serious relationship was the one before ours. I’m pretty sure she’s had atleast 6-8 different boy friends. I think her longest before me was around a couple months. Maybe half a year I’m not sure.
By the way she said if i havnt mentioned already “I don’t dislike you at all Im finding it hard I just don’t want to be upset which is why I’m choosing not to speak”
That’s a lot of boyfriends for just being 19. And not long lasting either. Since she was with you about 2 years, she must like you. But maybe she got used to the butterflies because each time she was with a different guy, she probably had the butterflies for awhile. Like the little crushes of a young teenager, so exciting. You offered her more like a deeper love, but she didn’t know how to handle it after the honeymoon phase wore off. If you get another chance, like I said before, don’t see each other EVERY weekend and go out on real dates only maybe for a few hours a couple of times per month, leaving her wanting more..get it? She doesn’t want to talk so give her the space. Are the arrangements already made for the trip to Amsterdam? If she doesn’t want to go, you could break no contact to wish her a Happy Birthday, but you probably shouldn’t don’t beg and plead anymore.I know she works, but does she have her own apartment or does she live with parents?
Years ago, many people would marry after high school graduation or college.
18-23 was the usual age.I don’t think many of them were serious however. I think they were like imature relationships. Like she wasn’t a “slut” she lost her virginity to me vice versa.
Yes you are right as usual patricia i think she just wanted excitement and like i said what we did was hardly exciting lol.
No the arrangements weren’t made but she was aware that we were going to go but just didnt know when. I was going to suprise her cause i felt we needed something new and exciting to just reignite the excitement. She even asked her dad for good advice as when her parents were young they use to visit.
She’s still living with her parents like i am. My mother told me to leave her alone for abit and maybe buy her tulips as a reminder of Amsterdam but i don’t think that she would a) get it and b) it may possibly come off as needy.
I feel like she almost feels like the relationship ran its course. But i still don’t feel that. Like i have with past relationship but never with this. I still feel our relationship has not reached its full potential. I think it was around 60% almost lol. Does that even make sense? Haha. Like there was so much to do and talk about and try. Like when we got back together we went out and did the classic dating. I remember we visited this vintage store and it had a photo booth and we took pictures and she even put the pictures in her memory box. We’ve never done that before. I feel as if we didn’t do and experience new things together. Like i feel theres so much more to us that being in bed all day and being miserable to the point shes so turned off me that she feels trapped and wants to end it.
I don’t think many of them were serious however. I think they were like imature relationships. Like she wasn’t a “slut” she lost her virginity to me vice versa.
Yes you are right as usual patricia i think she just wanted excitement and like i said what we did was hardly exciting lol.
No the arrangements weren’t made but she was aware that we were going to go but just didnt know when. I was going to suprise her cause i felt we needed something new and exciting to just reignite the excitement. She even asked her dad for good advice as when her parents were young they use to visit.
She’s still living with her parents like i am. My mother told me to leave her alone for abit and maybe buy her tulips as a reminder of Amsterdam but i don’t think that she would a) get it and b) it may possibly come off as needy.
I feel like she almost feels like the relationship ran its course. But i still don’t feel that. Like i have with past relationship but never with this. I still feel our relationship has not reached its full potential. I think it was around 60% almost lol. Does that even make sense? Haha. Like there was so much to do and talk about and try. Like when we got back together we went out and did the classic dating. I remember we visited this vintage store and it had a photo booth and we took pictures and she even put the pictures in her memory box. We’ve never done that before. I feel as if we didn’t do and experience new things together. Like i feel theres so much more to us that being in bed all day and being miserable to the point shes so turned off me that she feels trapped and wants to end it.
You posted this response twice, lol. I don’t know why you never did the traditional dating thing, especially in the beginning of being exclusive, maybe not enough money to do stuff together, I don’t know. But hanging around every weekend in your bedroom surely would get boring over time. Yeah, it makes sense to be stuck at 60% due to going to the bedroom so quickly and staying there. One might get a little bit claustrophobic, lol. Stir crazy, lol. At the beginning of a relationship, feeling start developing more and more and the bonding takes place due to sharing thoughts and activities. This should never end, even in a marriage. Lots of couples who are married, working, looking after children, and splitting household chores etc.. go on date nights. They get out and have fun together. I agree with you about not giving her tulips. She’s upset and it’s too soon after the break up. I like your emotional outlook that the relationship hadn’t reached it’s full potential, like you can see the possibilities. I only wish she could understand that and feel it too…
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