Can I stil salvage this??

[DrAchingHeart]

We dated 6 years, lived together 2 years, we were truly happy, everyone said we were one if those rare couples that are perfect. Due to stupid stuff in my family the last year I got depressed, overweight, passive, in short, wasn’t a man and didn’t make her feel as a woman. She broke it off, and the following weeks while she was moving out, I did everything wrong, crying, pleading, begging, she straight out said ahe lost all respect for me, and she was right to do so. After she moved out, I started reading what to actually do, so I started NC, the first month through mutual friends I heard she already started dating someone, it hurt, but I made no big deal of it. After 40 days I bumped into her on the street, she clearly wasn’t ready to talk to me, aside from a forced ‘hi’, luckily I kept my cool. After 3 months, I tried reaching out, as outlined here, no response. Now, honestly, she is one of the most stubborn people I know, so this didn’t surprise me, I understood that for this to work with her, I would have to have patience. Now after 6 months of NC, some of her mail was still coming to my place, contacting her though her friends (she has blocked me everywhere) and the postal office didn’t worked, so I went over to her place to give her her mail and politely ask to change her adress. At this point I knew that she was already dating the same guy for 5 months and were moving in together (expensive city, so it happens alot, not a big thing, though it still hurts).
During this 6 months though, I have lost 70 pounds and gotten healthy, stopped smoking, drinking, gaming. Got new clothes, a new car even a new job, I was different, and I was happy, even without her, even though I miss her terribly and want her back. I’m even dating someone, but casually.
Anyway, she was not happy to see me, or it seemed like she actually was but was putting on a very nasty facade. I kept calm, confident and even got a few laughs out of her during this shirt encounter, but everytime she caught herself laighing she quickly resumed her stern and angry facade, stating we are over, never contact her again, she has moved on. Anyway, I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable so left soon. Now, I see it as, she still needs time to cool down, her angry facade will stay for a while. It is truly possible that she moved on and never wants me again and part of me accepts it already.

What would be the best course of action here? Completely let her go, maybe she will contact me in a few months, maybe a year. And if at that point we are both single, see if anything is left? If not, try and get over it and move on? Or is there something to be done here?

Because honestly, she is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with and if she would spend time with me, even as friends she would experience the new me, but this is an impossibility right now.

[DrAchingHeart]

I forgot to mention that she has been acting really irrational during this period and still does. She has cut contact with all common friends, even those she knew before me. Basically anyone who also got along with me, doesn’t exist for her anymore. Those that have met her during this period say she is bitter and distant, but keeps up a good facade. She even had a falling out with her parents over what happened and is not on speaking terms with them at the moment. I know these should be signs of emotional immaturity and I should be happy to have gotten out of that, but seeing as this started only after the break-up, I can only interpret this as her way to grieve, react or get over me, meaning she still hasn’t gotten over me and she is keeping it up out of pure stubbornness. She is someone who can make life-altering decisions on the spot and stick with them just to prove a point, but is very slow in true emotional changes.

[skatedeck]

I don’t see anything you could have done better. The best course of action here? Let her go again and don’t contact for 2 weeks-1 month and then start slowly using Kevin’s 2 week texting plan

[DrAchingHeart]

Thanks for the reply, I honestly think that 1 month NC no might not be enough anymore to initiate contact. I’m pretty sure she is doing NC herself, but as a way to get over me. Also with them moving in together, she will be having the incredible honeymoon phase of the relationship will probably protect her from any ide in her head of missing me. I think she truly wants to move on, but is just having trouble herself and even those few attempts of mine have been more proof that she should keep quiet.

I maybe forgot to mention that after the breakup she immediately blocked me on every single platform, phone, mail, social media.

At this point, I don’t think there is a way of initiating contact that wouldn’t be considered stalkery, at least from her part.

The new relationship for her has been a rebound, even moving in so fast is out of character for her even though friends of ours do it all the time. She might conisder it to be a new serious thing and go for it completely.

Personally I don’t see any other choice then at the very least for the next few months, live my life, work on making my life as awesome as possible for myself and truly be happy with myself, also post some picture on social media of what I’m doing (none of us here are big social media posters, but I know her friends whoi don’t know well, still check mine time to time), let the negative feelings she clearly still has, pass. And she in’t a bad person, she will at some point wonder how I am doing, but maybe she won’t reach out, just on purpose.

I have done every single thing outlined here, and I am not saying I am giving up, definitely not. But is it possible that her timeline for cooling down and missing me is going so slow but at the meanwhile her rebound has been going so well, there never was an opportune moment?

I can alwasy hope for the rebound to end, which might take a few months still.
I might have to wait until she reaches out out of curiosity, still a few months.
As for me initiating contact, I think I have to wait at least 3 to 6 months before she truly believes it is genuinely neutral and not another attempt.

Unless any of you have some other idea, i think I have to accept that this one long-term with a slim chance or that she really is emotionally fucked up and although it hurts and the rest of her is perfect, I am saving myself from a lot of future pain.

[patricia12]

I think you’re making up reasons and excuses of why she doesn’t want contact with you. She told you that she didn’t see a future with you and now she’s with someone else. What will it take for you to accept the reality of the situation and stop obsessing about her? Continue dating other women and someday you will find someone special who will cherish you and stay by your side. Out there somewhere is a wonderful woman who is emotionally stable and with whom you will be happier than you ever thought possible.

[Author]

Posts