Can I get him back?

[Nelly]

Hi guys,
So this is my situation. My now ex-boyfriend and I broke up about a week and a half ago after dating for almost a year. We were living together for most of this time. We made the mistake of moving in before I had the opportunity to find a job, and it also took awhile before I found one. This really made it hard on us, as we had to depend on our parents for financial support. It didn’t help that he wasn’t responsible with money either. As you can imagine we had many fights over this topic. Add to this the fact that I caught him several times messaging other girls on various social media. He claimed he was just having conversations with them and never took it further. There was also a relentless ex who would not stop bothering him. Around May he got another job, but ended up losing it. So for the last 2 1/2 months of our relationship he was without a job. With both of us out of work, we were spending way too much time together doing nothing. In early June, after having found explicit sexual messages and that he had gone to see his ex, the one who kept bothering him, we had a fight and it resulted in him saying he wasn’t happy anymore and didn’t know if he wanted to continue the relationship. We talked it out and decided to give our relationship another try. During this time I found a job, but supposedly he couldn’t. After awhile, he felt the best decision was for him to move back to his home town and in with his mom, find a job, and this way he could save money. When he had his job, I was going to start looking for work there, and we would find a place and move back in together. We didn’t want to make the same mistake of moving in without me having a job. So he leaves earlier this month, not before me finding out that he had seen his ex yet again, and finally confesses he cheated on me with her in early September. I forgave him, for it, and he said he would do everything possible to fix our relationship and get us to a better place. Well the whole first week he was there he was acting weird, it was hard for me to get him to call me or Skype me, yet he continued to tell me he loved me and missed me. So that Sunday he tells me he’s bored, that the relationship has become too repetitive, he doesn’t feel a spark between us, and he’s not happy anymore. He said it had to do with me, I am of a quiet personality and he’s more outgoing. We wouldn’t talk much, but when you’re stressed out and don’t know if you’ll have money for rent that month, its very hard to think about anything else. We agreed to take a few days without communication, but I couldn’t do it, and that Tuesday I got mad. I loved this guy, I cared about him and for him, I took care of him when he was sick, I took care of our home, I was by his side through everything, my only mistake was not having a job. I put up with all of his BS, why does HE now need time to think about whether he wants to be with ME? So I told him it was over, but I went back on it, cause that’s not really what I wanted, but apparently he did. The next day we kept talking like it never happened. He even said he missed me. I even went as far as going to his hometown and surprising him, but he wouldn’t see me. We’ve kept talking since then though, like nothing happened. Aside from the mistakes he made, he’s a great guy, there’s a reason why I fell in love with him and wanted to marry him, and I know that with a little motivation he will have a bright future. I need y’alls opinion and advice. I feel like he’s worth it, and that if we hadn’t had the financial problems we did, things might be different. It felt like he really loved me too, he would constantly tell me how beautiful I was and how lucky he was to be with me. Do you think I can light that spark again, and get him back?

[a.z]

Yes,i believe there are chances.
text him and say that you have been thinking and you have accepted the breakup.say that you care about your life and you want to improve it and say that you also care about his life.and wish him the best.
Don’t say anything about getting back together and Don’t act needy.the text should be that simple.

Start NC,make positive changes in your life,try to find a job and that shows him that you care about your life.
You should impress him with the positive changes after NC so you can reattract him.

Follow the plan.you do have a chance.

Best of Luck

[Sakura]

I beleive you should really do NC and see what happens..Don’t give 100% of yourself to him before he finds out what he really wants..He seems quite lost and HE is the one who has to prove he means what he says.I beleive you are in a better position than me so don’t give up hope.Just be patient.

[Nelly]

Thank you to both of you for your advice. Although it will be hard, I’m going to give the NC a try. I do need to work on myself first, and I’ve already taken steps towards that. I’m going back to school, and finding a job is next. I’m also going to work on myself physically and mentally. I know he’s doing the same so hopefully after this NC period, we would have improved ourselves, and get back together.

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