April 16, 2019 at 6:20 pm #111721
Now you know she has very low interest in you, except as a distraction and someone to hang out with as a platonic friend. She is NOT scared, she just doesn’t see you as a boyfriend.
When you asked her to think and talk about reconciliation, and her answer was: “What’s the point in that?” WOW, that says it all, doesn’t it?
“..who knows what the future holds.” is another way to (yes) manipulate you into hanging out with her indefinitely in hope for more..
Your intended response to her possible final reply seems like is of the same – almost like bargaining and pleading. There’s nothing new in it that she doesn’t already know, but if it would make you feel better to send it, than send it.
Sorry it worked out this way, but now you can move on without any regret that you didn’t do everything you could to try and reconcile. You did your best and there’s someone out there that will love and appreciate you for the kind of person and man you are.
PS: If you want to post her final response and yours.. I would appreciate it. I know your thoughts and intention about being civil when you see her is the right attitude and frame of mind to have..April 16, 2019 at 6:25 pm #111722
“She is happy with how things are and if I am not then to please let her know. She would very much like to be friends with me but if it is impossible she understands.”
Oh, okay; now I understand why you would send your final message..April 17, 2019 at 5:36 am #111726
Sorry just to clarify she said “scarred” rather than “scared” but the point remains valid!
Yes, her “what’s the point?” comment shows her true nature completely.
Thank you. I really did try my best and I really appreciate all of the advice you gave me along the way. She definitely has been leading me on in her own way, and only reaching out to me when she needed emotional support (help with the coaching, when her grandmother died and when she had her relapse with her eating disorder). I have been her only friend and her only true confidant, possibly even including her family (if I’m to believe what she’s told me). She is showing that this means very little to her or that she thinks I simply won’t walk away.
Well, she viewed the message this morning and didn’t reply. If I don’t hear from her tonight, I think I will send a shorter version of the message I mentioned, something like “If you’d rather be single than make the effort to be with me, I respect your decision, but I can’t be there for you. I hope you understand.” And literally leave it at that.
I just remembered she has a 25 year old copy of my favourite childhood book that I lent to her when we were together. That has sentimental value for me and I would like it back. I know it would look petty if I asked for it back now, but perhaps if she contacts me about coaching I will ask her to bring it along to the next session in a few weeks. Chances are she won’t contact me, but I can ask her at the session then to bring it next time.
Thank you very much for your kind words. For now I will just try to put the whole thing out of my head and focus on the tournament which begins this evening. It has spurred me to take positive steps with my life (such as learning to drive) and caused me to reflect on the kind of person I am and certain tendencies I have in relationships. I will be much more alert and wary in the future.
Probably I shouldn’t have gotten involved with her in the first place, and either remained friends or completely stepped out of the situation and let her deal with it herself. In that case, she may have rebounded with someone else or got her act together faster. She credits me with helping her through this difficult time and that she couldn’t have done it without me. However, she has also shown how little I mean to her now that I have served this purpose. I wanted to help her and I really did care about her so I’m not holding it against her, just putting it down to experience. The way I’m feeling and acting now would have been a much better way to act when we broke up in January. Some situations just can’t be salvaged.
I would be more than happy to post her final response and mine if you would like me to. It’s the least I can do! Thank you so much again for everything you have taught me. Having read some of the other threads, I can see how much time and effort you spend helping people on this forum, and I really admire and respect your willingness to help others. Thank you again for all of the help you have given me.April 18, 2019 at 3:51 pm #111740
Final post. I really annoyed her!
She said she is saddened by the insistence. She thought a real friend would be there for her/support her in whatever decisions she makes for herself. It almost feels like I’m trying to convince her? How do I think we could ever have a relationship if I have to insist she think about it? Things like this should happen naturally.. she thought her first message would be enough.. she doesn’t want to give me the impression that she wants to keep me close just so that she may play with my feelings. She does not want to have any relationship right now..with me or anyone else. She is also sorry that we can not be friends… take care and she will see me at the next coaching session!
So I replied and said I thought about it and realised that she was absolutely right, I’m sorry and that we’ll always be friends. I didn’t want any animosity between us and I thought reverse friend-zoning her and then ignoring her would be the best course. However, she replied again and said “I think it’s a bit late for that. Good luck in the tournament and Happy Easter!”
I really riled her up. She obviously doesn’t like it when people call her on her nonsense. She was definitely manipulating me. The more I think about it, the more I realise her posting pictures from the day as if she was there herself was really pushing it too far. Talking about the future, introducing me to her parents, sending me texts with xs and kissy faces, I can’t believe she can’t see how manipulative and unnecessary all of that is. Anyway I’m not sure what to do now but I will just put her out of my head. I do have to work with her, but really I expected her to be more magnanimous!April 19, 2019 at 12:41 pm #111751
You two will probably continue a friendship. Good luck..April 19, 2019 at 1:02 pm #111753
Thank you. I replied and thanked her and said I don’t deserve her as a friend. Tugging at the heart strings a bit!
She also changed her profile picture back from one she took on Saturday when we were together to the one she’s historically gotten the most likes for. I unfollowed her and am trying to just put her out of my head entirely. I don’t know if she’ll get back to me again or if she’ll need some time to cool off. She could never admit to herself that she was manipulating me and I’m not sure she was even fully conscious of it, I doubt she was doing it maliciously anyway.
The main thing is that I need to forget about her and move on. I just hope she doesn’t think I was only kind to her because I wanted to be with her. She knows I’m also kind and supportive to everyone I care about, but it might take her a while to realise that. I think she is genuinely very hurt but I have also stood up to her and made it clear that I won’t tolerate her mind games. Thank you again!
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