Boards › Reconciliation › Broke up because of cultural differences
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July 26, 2016 at 8:45 pm #64791
I really appreciate your honest response!
There’s a lot I left out of my original post but I’ll try to be brief: During the breakup, my aunt was very sick. He came to the hospital to speak with her (he’s a doctor) and after that I stayed over and we slept together. On the night my aunt died, he was there, with me and my family. The night after, he slept over my place, but we just cuddled, didn’t do anything.
Throughout this, he kept saying he wished things were different but his parents won’t change. The only reason I had a glimmer of hope is because from his actions (and knowing him) it feels as if he’s going completely against how he really feels and his own personal beliefs.
But I am staying strong, one day at a time!
July 26, 2016 at 10:27 pm #64793I’m sorry for your aunt’s passing and send my condolences. What your ex did during your time of grief and sorrow was very kind. But if his religious and cultural beliefs are the same as his parents, he most likely will not stray from them. Also, Middle Eastern men do not want to dishonor their parents and if being with you somehow makes him feel as though he is disrespecting them, he may not come back to you. He loves you very much and right now he feel torn between you and the wishes of his parents. Perhaps he hasn’t made a final decision, but don’t get your hopes up too high. Stay no contact and give it time.
July 27, 2016 at 2:49 am #64805I am definitely going to stay no contact and thank you for your condolences. It’s been a very difficult time.
However, for context, he doesn’t hold the same views as his parents. He’s atheist, for one, and would always disagree with Indian friends of his who were miserable and single because they were following their parents’ view of dating and marriage. He even made me what the Netflix documentary “Meet the Patels” about an Indian-American guy who dumps his white girlfriend to do the all arranged marriage thing, but then realizes what he did and gets back with his ex.
He would always comment how he doesn’t want to be one of those people who doesn’t have happiness because of his parents’ old school views. Then … he does this.
I could be reading too much into these things, but this is what I mean when I say what he’s doing doesn’t align with his words, and more importantly, his actions.
July 27, 2016 at 6:03 pm #64859Okay, even though he might not want to disappoint his parents, it sounds much more hopeful. Continue no contact for now. I have a feeling he will come back to you:)
July 28, 2016 at 5:39 am #64875I am holding out hope that he will change his mind … but I’m trying very hard to also just focus on myself, grieving my aunt and doing better. I went to see a therapist and she says I need to push him out of my mind, at least for now. Which is easier said than done.
I am hopeful, but at the same time I keep rereading old messages and playing back conversations where he was very adamant that nothing would change and he thought breaking up was best for our futures … so it’s hard. I don’t know.
July 28, 2016 at 7:02 am #64879Also, I should add that his parents are coming to visit next month. I feel like once he tells them we broke up and they’re happy about it … my chances are done :'(
July 28, 2016 at 4:18 pm #64906I hope the therapist can help you, but it takes time for the advice to sink in sometimes, at least that’s what I’ve heard. Don’t make assumptions about his parents visit. Try not to think negative and stay strong.
Today is day 9 and you’re doing great:)July 30, 2016 at 7:53 am #65025Day 11 and I’m miserable and feel like I made no real progress.
I actually went on a date last night, and while the guy was fun, nice and attractive, all I could do was compare him to my ex. In ways, it just made me even more upset at the fact he’s not in my life. I never expected our relationship would end in such a way and I would give anything in the world just to go back and make things right.
July 30, 2016 at 1:23 pm #65046How can you go back and make things right when the break up wasn’t your fault – it had to do with cultural difference and his wanting to please his parents.
Glad the date went well except for your thinking about your ex. That makes it rough for the other guy, maybe not giving him a chance..
Day 11 and going strong:) Not happy, but strong..
July 30, 2016 at 1:27 pm #65048I feel like there were times where I pressured him to talk to them, I could have been more understanding. However, these are just things that were ultimately out of my control 🙁
July 30, 2016 at 1:32 pm #65050I’m sure he understands you pressured him because you love him so much.. Don’t worry about it. Just stay no contact for now. Wishing you the best and hoping he contacts you soon:) Either before or maybe after his parents visit.
August 2, 2016 at 3:11 am #65212Hi, how are you doing? Has he contacted you yet?
It’s been 2 weeks and hope you’re feeling better..August 2, 2016 at 4:10 am #65223Hey Patricia,
Thanks for checking in on me! Yes, it’s been two weeks, and I haven’t heard from him at all :(. I don’t think I’m feeling any better, to be honest. Every day that passes that we don’t speak makes it more and more real that it’s over, if that makes sense at all.
I’m starting to think having any sort of hope is damaging, but I’m still putting positive vibes out there, and showing through social media that I’m still living.
I really love him, and hope in time he realizes. I’m just not sure he will :'(.
August 2, 2016 at 4:13 am #65225I know the unknown is scary. Hang in there for now.. I think his heart will eventually win out over his logic.
August 2, 2016 at 5:32 am #65227Thank you, Patricia. I hope so, too. I’ve been through breakups before, but this is the hardest of all. In my heart, I know this isn’t something he wants, I’m not kidding myself with that. I’m just scared him seeing his parents will be enough for him to be really OK with his decision. I don’t even know what to do.
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