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Posts
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My honest opinion:
You probably annoyed him. Telling him to close the app when he is playing games is trying to control him.Don’t contact him again. If it feels right tomorrow reply something like: “sorry for that little quarrel yesterday, I was just a little _______ (insert something explaining your behaviour like stressed from work or anything that shows it’s not a big deal and not your normal behaviour anymore)
Thanks benz. I had decided that I wont say anything to him. I decided that I wont control him or question him just to make him open up to me again. Due to our fights and my questioning, he started lying and broke my trust. So I find it really tough to trust him like before.
I think only time can heal this. With time I guess everything will get better.
Though when he was done with his game, we talked like an hour and he was replying constantly.
And now I guess he was right about when he said he left that app open. Because we both wished goodnight to eachother like before and he has his college in the morning and is still online.
And I am sure that he is not talking to anyone right now because its already 4 am.But yess, he didnt reply to my text after seeing it once. What should I do? Do I act normal like nothing is happening? I dont want to control him like before. But I do want him to share everything with me. 🙁
he might not share everything with you. at least not for a while! you have to let things happen.
hey I agree with Ben, don’t keep chasing him if he is “busy”, that’s the way I totally lost my ex,
sometimes we have to being attractive by smart ways, we know that keep texting him or scolding him is not the attractive way, but we keep doing that, that’s not smart, we have to control ourselves… coz GUYS won’t understand it’s called CARE when you keep texting 🙁 maybe they will understand in future but not nowyou’ve gotten great advise from everyone here. 🙂 I think you should take it real slow day by day. try to work on your im pluses which made you break up in the first place. if you feel like you cant control yourself then you may need to fine help because you dont want to lose him again. other then that keep up the great work.
Hey divjun,
First of all, keep your head high, you’ve done some pretty good job so far concerning NC. Be proud of that.
From what I read it seems though that not a lot has changed in your “new” relationship. The problem of you having lost trust in him, is – in the first place – an issue of you needing to be in control, when in fact, if we love, we have given up all control already. This can be frightening.
“I want him to share everything with me” is not what a healthy relationship can be based on, because it means I want to be in control AND love.
Youre not alone on that one. Believe me I have the same issue as do probably most of the people on this board. It is not unusual.
However you are stuck in an old mode of being and you and him being very sensitive in this area after the break-up already means that rather sooner than later it will lead to major troubles again.
Can you ask somebody to trust you if you signalise him you don’t trust him?I personally think you need to work on these issues. If things have settled again and it feels right, talk to him. Talk about Your feelings, Your issues… try to avoid confronting him with what you think he did wrong. Your main goal should be to give him an insight into your behavior so you can create a basis of trust for an open conversation.
@aamls yup you’re right. We both need to work on our relationship so that It doesn’t happen again. And yes I have been taking it slow. But I realise that we both are still the same as we were before our break up. Today I am not going to the gym and I asked him he would like to meet me after the gym? He said no. But I was like umm its okay. He likes to be with his friends. So I don’t mind. I am thinking of having a talk with him regarding the changes I am planning to make ON MY PART. I am thinking of saying that I don’t mind if he talks to anyone it won’t bother me because I have understood that no matter with whom he talks and for how long he talks, nobody can take my place.
What do u think.?@benz thanks and I totally get it. We both are still the same. Nothing has changed. But he the type of guy that doesn’t want to discuss any serious topic much. I tried talking but he was like “dont talk about the past”. He gets irritated when I talk about all this.
I know we have to work on our issues. I was thinking of having a talk about what changes I am planning on MY PART. I will not be telling him to change anything but I ll say ” I would really appreciate and like if you do ______(this).
I wont force anything upon him.
I think if I ll change myself, he would feel comfortable in opening up without even caring about what I ll think (he was like that only).
I’ll tell him that it ll take time to change completely but I have started working on it.
What do you think?yes fix yourself and if you have to go and get professional help then do so this way you van “fix” yourself. your right if you change and he sees it he’ll probably start changing himself. it just takes time. you can do this. stay strong. 🙂
if he does not want to talk then don’t push him to talk, give him space, I did push him to talk ,then he told me he doesn’t like me coz more 🙁
you will have a lot more changes to talk to him if keep doing great, give him space, let him chase u, don’t ask him if you can go to gym with him, he will invite u if he wants, take things slowly ! 😀
try to notice the skill of the communication.Kevin told us to read the <<non-violence communication>>, let him accept your soft accent but not “should do or don’t do ” 😀
hope you won’t do the same mistakes as me 🙂
keep up updated !@aamls and @vanessa yeah thanks a ton. I hope I am doing the right thing in giving him all the freedom. Well I met him today at the gym. We again worked out together and he dropped me home as usual. He was teasing me. And yes, he told me that I have lost weight 😀
I ll give him his space but it still bothers me when he is online and not replying to me 🙁
But I understand that I have to let it go. If I try too much then I ll be left with nothing. !!!hey
” he is online and not replying to me ” this is really ok and means nothing to do with “care, love, or any romantic feelings ”
this is just your mind which is playing game with yourself.
such as if your parents were on line and they don’t reply you, you won’t feel uncomfortable !
this is kind of trust issues.
hope you could understand yourself and understand others. 😀
you can do it !hope I could help you 🙂
keep us updated!those are good signs hes sending you. 😀 your doing great. 🙂 yes give him his space for now at least. this way you’ll work on your issue and he’ll have his space and hopefully he’ll start coming closer to you. 🙂 and yes your last sentence said it all. you sure dont want that. keep us posted. im so excited for you. 🙂 divjun what do you think of last nights post I wrote, Im gonna write about todays now. 🙂
@vanessa yeah I hope you’re right. Tonight also it happened again he was replying to be but after 3-4 minutes. Again he said he was playing a game on laptop. I doubted him but again I kept it cool. And asked him to play his game and I ll study In the mean time and we ll talk after an hour or so. He replied with okay and went offline which means he was telling me the truth.
Anyways thanks for being with me. And I ll keep you updated 🙂
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