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@aryyan In the end you will have to go with what your gut tells you. Just ensure that you have thought everything through with your head and aren’t purely acting on emotions. If you feel yourself getting emotional then back off and give yourself some time before messaging him or speaking to him again.
I felt myself getting emotional last Wednesday and so that’s why I took a few days out. I do not want to be drawn in to any disagreements with her right now, but I had to agrer with het that she is being a little selfish right now. Hence why we both probably needed a few days to ourselves?
I’m continuing with LC but I do struggle with it as it is difficult to know when to message and stop messaging the other person without causing more upset. It’s a very fine balance!
I get told by her that I am random, that she misses me lots, that I’m a sweet talker, that I still surprise her and do so much right. She says that she has a brilliant connection with me and I am just me (a compliment I think). So many good signs, I just wonder if she can start to put her problems behind her and focus on a positive future in the New Year. I still believe that I am the best person to help her and her daughter do that and if I’m honest I need them just as much.
It’s frightening caring about someone so much, but even more frightening to let them go.
I hope that you know that I’m here to chat and support you if you need it through the festive season @aryyan With the possible exception of NYE I don’t think that I’ll be that busy.
Its ok i do understand 🙂 i will keep update about how things going on with me later. Im getting nervous but not only because im afraid of the worst but im also nervous for being receiving his text (if its true) since we never remain silence for so long. Even after we broke he didnt contact me but only a week And the. We remain contact everyday until i felt really hrt and i do nc. Wish me luck
If u think u still the best, keep it and believe it! Yes she kinda selfish for now but there must be reasons behind all her selfishness.perhaps she has so many problems and she felt that she can do by her own but she might very weak than her thought. Yes @Sparky, do randomly. Its like LC in terms of contact. Just support her no matter what. She missed u that for sure. Wish u all the best during festive season and hope i can hear more update bout u and her 😉
@aryyan Good luck and keep me updated on things.
I had a really interesting convo with my Ex last night. I will update you on some of what was said when I can get on a computer later. I’m trying not to get carried away but my Ex appears to be talking about us far more positively than she has in a long while (4 or 5 months) in my opinion.
Did you mean in your last post that my Ex might be weaker and need my help more than she thought or was prepared to admit to herself?
Have you made a decision on whether you will make a move prior to Christmas, over Christmas, or wait closer to the New Year as yet? Boxing Day could be a good one as you could let him know that you were thinking of him but that you didn’t want to interrupt his day. That might allow you to sound him out a little about positive outlooks in the New Year etc, also showing that you have thought about his feelings prior to just rushing in and chatting to him when feeling emotional (as contact prior to the whole of the festive period might show). It will show that you jave tried your best to cope alone. Once again it is a very difficult decision to make so I wish you the very best of luck with it.
Thats good! Keep it up. Dont attach too much she might be scared since sometimes she can get confused but if she want to be more close to u, then slowly let her in 🙂
Yeah kinda. Because everything happened has reason. She cant be like hot and cold for no reason.Perhaps….on christmas. Yeah. Christmas. 24 dec will be my complete 21 days of NC. I dont know how but i will give him a shot. I do my best and keep interesting. New me. Positive and funny. Hopefully.
@aryyan Do you mean that I shouldn’t focus on attaching too much to what she is saying and that I should instead focus more on her actions? If so then I have learnt this already.
She has admitted that things happened for a reason and that she was also partly to blame for not being more open about how she felt about my previous relationship. I was still living with a girl in a different City when I started the relationship with my Ex. My Ex girlfriend knew about this prior to getting involved with me and my relationship with the other girl had been dead for a year or two. I was naive and only found out how my Ex really felt about me being in such a situation around the time that we split.
We had a good conversation the other day via text and I got very brave by asking her if she was scared of saying anything to me (absolutely anything)? She admitted there were things that she feels nervous talking to me about and said it frustrates her when I just assume things (I do see the world very black and white sometimes). She said that she seemed disappointed that we struggled to stay talking to each other for for longer than a few weeks since the initial bust up without arguing again and I now get the impression from much of what she has said that i have perhaps been tested and failed the tests but that she still hasn’t given up all hope.
She said that she felt low at the moment but wasn’t sure why and again admitted that I had hurt her. She again hinted at her young daughters connection with me by saying that she had spotted a celebrity on a DVD cover and asked if it was me lol (I’m not telling you which celeb).
I talked about myself being naive and stupid with regards to some of her feelings when we were seeing eachother and said that I shouldn’t have allowed us both to get involved to the extent that we did when neither of us was probably ready for it. I said that I wanted to only focus on the future though and that I would really like her to still be a part of that. I continued with “I know a lot of work needs to be put in to achieve that but hopefully we will both soon be more ready than we were earlier this year. The last few months have made me see that I had something very special that was worth fighting for.” I also apologised for falling out with her several years ago (about a year or so after we first met) and that I still thought that she was my soul mate and that something kept telling me that we aren’t supposed to be apart.
She replied by saying “that was really sweet hun, maybe we wasn’t ready but our feelings did rush us in to things a little maybe” which I agreed with by saying that I just got lot in wanting to be with her full time and had never experienced anything quite that powerful before.
I then talked about me being quiet with her at times recently and said that I hoped she knew that it wasn’t because she had done anything wrong but it is just that I have needed some time to myself to sort my head out. I said that sometimes I feel that she doesn’t want to talk to me and that by chatting at those times I was fearful that I would push her further away. She told me how much she loves talking to me and the only time I upset her and push her away is when I assume things and think badly of her.
She thinks that I am very talkative and she likes that about me, but my Ex doesn’t understand that I also get shy myself sometimes, so I talked about it being difficult for me to find words or the right words sometimes and it was at those times when I just wished that I could be there with her and give her a cuddle.
She smiled and said “In the New Year hopefully we will see eachother and have that cuddle and that you don’t need to be shy around me or talking to me hun xxx”
My response to that was “Aww I hope so too and I know honey, but sometimes I am shy. I’m also not that person who can handle absolutely anything. I am a strong person, stronger than most, but I still have weak moments when I need a very special person to hold my hand. I can’t think of anyone else that I would prefer to hold my hand than you hun.”
She didn’t reply for about 45 mins and then said “Do you say things like that cos it’s what I want to hear? I know that you’re strong… stronger than most infact and it’s nice to see you write down that you have weaknesses, it shows humanity xxx”
It ended on a good note with her saying that she’s always there for me when I said that I felt stronger with her at my side. That again raised a mile from her.
Today has been a quieter day but we both wished eachother good morning and thanked eachother for the convo that we had the previous night.
So promising signs but I need to keep my calm through however long fake friendship might last and through all of the ups and downs we might share this time. I have to realise that nothing is guaranteed, keep thinking positive but continue trying to improve and get on with my own life without her.
If she offers me the chance of a meet up sometime in the future then hopefully we can share some positive one on one time with eachother and take things at a steadier pace. I know it won’t be easy though as there is a lot of passion there on both sides.
Good luck to you if you decide to go ahead and end your NC today. You will need to open up a little but try to encourage him to feel comfortable in talking to you by asking open questions and not seeking too many answers.
Wow…what a great conversation u guys had. Its very warm, open and calm. Im so amazed how u control ur words in convo and lead to the great respond from her. I wish i could have that convo with him. She didnt mention about her boyfriend? Or anything about her relationship? Well its really good rhat u know u cant guarantee rverything follow the plan and perfect but u still keep positive and open up the space for her to let her in in ur life whether as friend or not.
Thank you. I will text him on christmas. Maybe at night. Im not sure. Even tho u feel like im ready to do this but sometimes i feel nervous. Well, if im not ready for christmas maybe i will text hin during boxing day.
@aryyan I thought I had already explained? She doesn’t have a boyfriend, or at least that is what she tells me. She was open about telling me when her last rebound relationship started and told me that she had ended it during my NC period with her in November – as she felt that there was no point to continuing that particular relationship.
I was scared of starting that conversation with her the other night and it surprised me. Usually when I am.expecting the worst I am pleasantly surprised, but when I think things might be going well it seems like I am brought down to earth with a swift kick to the testicles and lick my wounds for quite a few days/weeks.
Yes I think Boxing Day is a safer option. What country are you guys from and what hobbies does he have though?
Ohhh i think i missed the points that u gave. Sorry by that. Yeah i know how u feel when u expect the worst but something good supprising u and when u feel good something bad happen. But thats fine. The most important thing is how u handle all the conflicts. But i believed u can handle it very well since u keep think positive about urself and people around u 🙂 thats good and u are strong.
We are from asia and his hobby is go to gym, searching internet, listen to music and he loves car.
@aryyan Whereabouts in Asia and do you know what type of things your Ex might usually get up to on Boxing Day?
For instance here in England Boxing Day has long been known as a big day for sports events, especially football. A few years ago I would likely have been busy on Boxing Day, but not so much these days.
We dont have boxing day in asia since here we are not celebrating christmas. We just have christmas holiday.
So i know that he will be around this week due to holiday. Thats why im not sure to text him on christmas or boxing day
@aryyan An update for you…
I haven’t spoken to my Ex for the last 24 hours or so and she has made no attempt to contact me during that time.
I am not sure if she is chatting to anothet guy or not and if she is planning on seeing somebody else early next year or not. Perhaps it is another test by her to see if I get upset with her or stop speaking to her again? It’s just confusing how she was saying positive things but told me about a New Years trip with her daughter that has now changed in to a possible vacation on the first weekend of next year and that she chats to me but then appears to be online to somebody else for an hour or two after she has finished speaking to me on an evening over the last week or so.
She said what annoyed her most about me is that I just assume things and that I have been unable to talk to her for longer than a few weeks without us getting in to another argument with eachother since I dumped her. Therefore, I am trying not to read too much in to anything, but it seems like she is a little distant from me at the moment.
She could just be online looking at whether I am.online or not and pretending that she is possibly talking to someone else. I am guilty of playing that trick on her myself, so like I say I shouldn’t just assume the worst.
I am going to try and give her a little space and not contact her for another day or two unless she chooses to contact me.
I totally don’t know what will happen or how she feels right now. All I can do is try and take care of myself and remind her every so often that I am still here.
Ohhh really? Same! He also didnt reply my last text for about 24 hours but he seems so many often online to someone else.
In the step or in rewind relationship, is it ok if we (you and me) text our exes first? Like me, i think i want to give meme pictures to him but at the same time, i think i want to be strong like you.
Ohhh she said that to u? Perhaps she did want to see you whether you searched for her or not since you dumped her. Of course.
@aryyan Are you asking about this bit? “She said what annoyed her most about me is that I just assume things and that I have been unable to talk to her for longer than a few weeks without us getting in to another argument with eachother since I dumped her. Therefore, I am trying not to read too much in to anything, but it seems like she is a little distant from me at the moment.”
She sometimes disappears when I come online and sometimes it seems like she is purposefully staying online to make a point.
Even stranger is that she has been using her sisters phone as well as her own. She has been messaging me on her sisters phone for the last month (she used to occasionally when we were seeing eachother and after we first split). Yesterday she told me to message her on her phone so I did. Our convo ended about 23:30hrs as she didn’t and still hasn’t responded to my last two messages, although they were finally read earlier this evening. My Ex (I think) or perhaps it was her sister was then online on her sisters phone until 01:40
Is this a plan that they have put in place to see my reaction to it?
I was also getting text messages from a number I don’t even know a week or so before Christmas. These messages came from a girl that I have never heard of (a name I don’t know) and she claimed that I gave her my number on a dating site earlier this year. As far as I am aware I haven’t done that. This girl seemed very pushy – messaging me back even though I said that I couldn’t remember giving my number out to any girls on a dating website and that I didn’t know who she was. The girl kept messaging me. I eventually asked what website she met me on and she gave me the name of a website that doesn’t exist anymore and hasn’t done so for about 3 months now. What made me think that this was a potential trap by my Ex was that it was a website that I first chatted to her on 6 years ago. Coincidence maybe? But I only remember ever giving my number out to one other girl on that website ever and she lived up the other end of the country to where this girl was saying that she was from.
It seemed a little suspicious to me… lol
Yes that one.
Oh my???? Really??? Well that sounds very very fishy. Perhaps she needs attention or she is playing hot and cold with u? Is it a good thing for u?
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