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5 months ago my ex girlfriend broke up with me. I can’t say I took the break up like a champ but I can’t say I was a hopeless reck either. We had been living together for 1.5 years and days after the breakup I moved out. I wanted to start no contact but she said she didn’t want me to do that. I tried a little bit never went over a week without either one of us reaching out weather it was a snap chat of a squirrel doing something funny or for her to check if I could watch the dog we both have. I’m also on the middle of doing renovations at her house. And we work together one day of the week. Over the last 5 months there have been ups and downs. She’s been very friendly. We work together a couple days a week gardening at other people’s houses and we laugh and had fun. We have gone on a couple of dates and had lots of good times and good laughs over the last few months. Other days she gets cold and less talkative. These days I try to match her energy so i don’t do something out of desperation like ask her why she’s like that. A lot of things seem to be going right but there hasn’t been a chance to talk about the relationship. I’ve been waiting for her to bring it up. I’m not sure if she will. How do I let it happen? Should I start a solid no contact period until she reaches out or do I bring it up?
You should ask her why she broke up with you and if there is any chance for reconciliation.
It seems to me (and i could be wrong) that having you there as she is, isn’t causing her to miss you. NC is meant to cause the other to experience separation anxiety. But she isn’t feeling this because you are there. Maybe when she gets down and distant those are the moments that she is struggling with not truly moving forward or moving on. She loves you because she continues and its obvious you love her…maybe what you need to do is calmly and directly tell her that you think you need to give her space, let her know that you won’t be texting or calling because you want her to reflect on what she wants, either start the process of moving forward or the process of moving on. That you also need to reflect and work on yourself. Maybe at this point (although it will be painful for you) she starts feeling the anxiety of not having you around. With anxiety comes fear and then desire. She’ll start missing you, reflecting on what you mean to her. At some point NC needs to truly be applied but in a calm manner. Dont tell her that you’re frustrated, sad, depressed but instead by saying I’m going to so this you show strength and confidence…which is all attractive. She may still reach out during the early stages but unless its significant don’t respond or be short with the response. She needs to realize that at some point she might lose you completely and right now by still being around…she hasn’t lost you.
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