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Well after I saw my ex whilst driving Tuesday I’d just felt a real strong feeling that she was thinking about me, I tried to stay strong but last night I messaged her and she responded instantly, told me what she had been up to and asking about me. I then asked if she fancied going for a coffee and a catch-up a week Saturday and she’s said yes. I’m going to go no contact again now till late next week as I have asked to let me know where she fancies going and to let me know. Hoping these are positive steps but I know how much I’ve hurt her and she’s doing well now, had new tattoo and piercing and has fostered a dog, she sent me pics too
You broke no-contact very early and gave your power back to your ex. Now she is in control again and you are anxious because you know you hadn’t had any time to make changes and you are afraid you will screw it up, or that she will change her mind. You are completely at her mercy as you prepare to step back into the same relationship dynamic that she wanted out of. I would be nervous too if I were you.
I know it was thrilling that she responded as well as she did. I am happy you got to experience that. But, already you are a nervous wreck and you don’t know what to do next. My advice was for you to remain no-contact and let her come to you, so you would be on stable ground. You decided to ignore that and let your emotions lead the way. So, I am not sure I should bother giving more advice. I will say, go slow and keep it casual. I hope it works out.
All the best Lee I hope your meeting goes well.
As for me, well nothing! Still no contact she has posted a couple of pics showing gifts I bought her, like a top and she’s wearing it but I bought it her years and know that doesn’t really mean much, just nice she still wears it!
Feeling better in myself, still get the horrible missing feeling but that is just the way it is for now. Trying to start a new hobby too!
@dreambig, You sound like you are getting stronger and making healthy choices. I still feel very confident that your ex will be contacting you before long.
@Lee Brads becareful to not fall into the just friends trap. Review my earlier comments to read why that is bad.
Unfortunately Seth it’s my only way back in. I need to create that spark again and can only do that in person. She needs space I think she’s very conflicted she’s really done a lot to keep her busy to help take her mind off me so for her to agree to meet is a good sign mate but I do get your point
I do appreciate all your advice Seth I really do mate so don’t stop giving it to me. I’m not contacting her at all till we meet up next Saturday. I think she may cancel anyway as it depends on if her son goes his dads
I hope you are right and I really do want it to go well.
Keep working on improving yourself and taking care of yourself. Not for her, but for yourself.I agree that you should keep the communications limited and go slow, but at the same time, be careful to not become just friends. It is very possible that is the whole reason she agreed to this. She is lonely and needs a friend who listens to her while she finds her way to the next relationship. This allows her to avoid the consequences of the breakup while not actually committing to you. You will be very severely hurt if that happens. So if you get the impression this is heading to just friends, put a stop to it.
Now I will give you a piece of dating advice. Don’t wait for her to decide the place. She will like it when you take charge in that situation and pick the place. Just send her a text and say “How about we just go to Starbucks on Incognito street. It’s quieter there.” or something like that.
Noticed yesterday while scrolling through my Facebook, her friend (who became my friend ) mentioned about someting they did on the weekend and my ex commented and mentioned it was similar to the time we all went away on holiday together. Didn’t mention me obviously but shows she can talk about the past with me in it. We had a great time on that holiday lol.
Thanks Seth I’ll do that, she has made lots of new friends since the split to honest and seems really happy
Wow. This isn’t definitely an emotion rollercoaster. I was doing ok and now BOOM i feel worse than ever 🙁 Can’t keep feeling like this 🙁
Yes it really is an emotional roller coaster. The stages of grief do not come in order and they fluctuate back and forth to where you will be repeating stages again. It does get easier with time. I promise. I know it feels like it, but it still hasn’t been that long for you.
A thought, memory or event can trigger our emotions greatly. Emotions typically last only 90 seconds, but we tend to feed them and that sustains them into lasting much longer, but even then, they usually pass with a little time. I always say to myself when I am upset about anything, “This will pass by tomorrow”. Tomorrow you will probably feel better and whatever triggered you might not feel like such a big deal anymore.
It might help to explain what triggered you, if anything, when your emotions go off the charts. Getting it off our chests can be therapeutic.
It was a social media thing that triggered it. See when we broke up I removed my relationship status to nothing. But I also had a life event where me and my ex are shown as in a relationship. I put it to hide but kept it because it was too painful to delete at the time. She was tagged in it and only me and her could see it after I changed the settings. Months have gone by and to be honest I’d forgotten all about it, i maybe looked into my profile about a month ago. It was still there. I checked again yesterday and it has disappeared. From what I can gather it has gone because she has untagged herself from it. I totally understand why she has and I should of deleted it ages but that triggered another sense of loss and made me feel really bad. I know it’s return minor stuff but when you’re feeling like I am little things like this can get you down!
I understand. That would be painful to me too. It really doesn’t always mean what we think it means. It could mean she is still struggling and trying to remove the temptation. But, keep in mind, this is why you might be best served to unfriend her, before she unfriends you.
See you are no contact, she is posting lots of pictures trying to trigger you into breaking no contact to get back on her hook. You are not responding to that, so she will try something else, such as untagging herself from the life event with hopes that you will respond to that, because she desperately wants her safety net back while she tries other options. When you don’t react to that either, the next effort might be to unfriend or block you and that is going to hurt even more and you will have lost your power over the situation.
If you unfriend her first, it can be very empowering for you and kick up the anxiety level in her that you are moving on. If you don’t unfriend her and she unfriends you, you are going to be crushed and you might start chasing and make things worse. You just said here that you wish you had turned the life event off ages ago. Apply that to unfriending her. If she unfriends you first, you are going to say you wish you had unfriended her ages ago.
I highly recommend that you take your power back before she takes more from you by unfriending her first. This would be therapeutic for you in many way and will make you look good to her as opposed to needy and clingy that you would want keep her on your friend list.
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