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Yes. That pattern is very familiar. She is trying hard to get your attention and make you break no contact to show her you e still on her hook. When you changed your profile picture she paniced. It looked like you are moving on and she doesn’t want that. She wants her safety net while she tries other options. Now that she sees that safety net slipping away all she can think about is getting it back. Imagine the panic if you unfriend her. Eventually she is going to contact you. Its sounding like it might be sooner than later.
Try posting some pictures of you having fun.
Well I think she is seeing someone. I can’t believe it and I’m so upset I’ll be honest. I’m absolutely heartbroken 😠imagining them together is just horrible. I don’t know what to do!
Anxiety is through the roof right now. I’ve been walking for hours and it’s not helping.What are you basing that on? That is not a reason to contact her if its true. So don’t. If she is indeed in a rebound she is only comparing him to you and he isn’t measuring up. Your no contact makes you look better than him and he will become annoying to her because its you she wants to hear from. Every day she doesn’t get a text from you, but gets one from him instead only increases her curiosity about what is happening with you and her anxiety that YOU are with someone else. Every text she gets from him is a disappointment, because it is not from you. She will associate her rebound with disappointment.
People get into rebound relationships to try to avoid the feelings for their ex. But it doesnt work that way. The rebound will crash and they will come back to you before too long. That is if you stay no contact. However, if you break no contact you will come off as needy and desperate and unattractive, therefore making him look good. You will only push her further into his arms. Stay no contact. Keep the power on your side. Soon the tension will be high in her rebound and HE will bE the one acting needy and insecure and push her back to you.
When I found out that my ex was in a rebound I was upset too and it took a lot to not contact her. But I started telling myself that he is just competition and I am going to win. Because I know her. I won. She came back to me and he ended up looking really pathetic in his attempts to keep her.
Now all that said, how do you know she is seeing someone? Did you see a picture? Have you stopped to think maybe she is just trying to make you jealous so you will contact her and show her that all this matters to you? Remember this is a power struggle. Your no contact and changing your profile picture made her realize she isn’t in control anymore. You are moving on and she is panicking. She will do just about anything to regain control and get you back on the hook. That’s why you need to unfriend her, remove any pics of her and focus on yourself. You will win if you do that. It will be really hard, but that is why you are going to look so strong and mature.
I haven’t contacted her. It’s her social media activity that makes me think she is seeing someone. And a gut feeling. I haven’t seen a picture. I hope she is comparing him, i remember when we used to talk to the early hours every morning when we started seeing eachtiher. It was constant. I don’t see that from her now. I’m not going to contact, I don’t see the point now. It nearly four weeks since she last ignored my message. Usually previous times she at least reads it. This one not even done that.
I am in my 40s. I have been in a few long term relationships and breakups. I have made all the mistakes and learned from them. I have done countless hours of research on human nature, relationships and personality disorders. Then I applied what I learned to my own future relationships and helped others with much success.
Everything you are describing I have seen before in my own relationships and with people I helped. I am very confident that your ex is doing exactly what I said for the reasons I said. And, it sounds like you are playing right into it and not considering the full picture. The reason her social media activity is up so much in a way that is pulling on your heart strings is because SHE is feeling as anxious as you are about losing you. You changing your profile puc and staying no contact triggered that. This is exactly what we want.
She is beginning to feek the consequences of the breakup and the fear of lossing you. She is trying to regain control and get you chasing her again with this activity. She knows well that you are watching her profile and EVERYTHING she does on it is for you to see. If you are goung to keep looking,you have to get in the right frame of mind. When you see something, you have to smile and think to yourself; “Honey, I know what you are trying to do, but it’s not going to work. If you want to talk to me, you know where to find me.” While you are at it, post things on your page that shows you are just fine without her. I am serious. This will work. And, I am not convinced there is another guy and even if there is, so what. He is nobody. You are the real thing. He is a temporary bandaid.
This is my advice to you and I know exactly what I am talking about. Your emotional roller coaster is on a nose dive at the moment. Tomorrow it might start climbing again. Remember that your ex is thinking about you or she wouldn’t be posting the way she is. People do not just walk away from three year long relationships and forget about the other person.
Thanks Seth and I appreciate all your help. She definitely knows where to find me. I’m going to post things, I have a business page which she sees and she can see I have grown that. I still think maybe is another guy but I don’t have any proof so I can’t say she is. I guess sometimes you just get a feeling. Of course I understand my feelings are all over the place right now. I’m just going to continue doing what I’m doing. She knows how I feel/ felt and she has to come to me, I’m content with not speaking to her again now. I agree people can’t just walk away. Three years is a long time and we shared lots of memeories together.
I understand now from doing a lot of reading up and videos etc that usually what you think is right ( trying to talk to them, tell them you’ve changed etc) just falls on deaf ears. You do the opposite which has been your advice from the start so thanks.You are welcome. This is what I do. You are doing well. Keep it up. It will get easier soon.
Cheers Seth.
I’m feeling a bit better the last couple of days, not as much intense anxiety etc. I still miss her obviously but I can see things a bit clearer.
I still don’t know whether she is now trying to get my attention/ copy me from a far. I tend to overthink so it may well just be me.
Things like. Liking a pic of a dog that is exactly the same looking as mine. Mine went missing and this other dog went missing too and she like dot because it got found. I mentioned something to do with colors. Her next two posts she mentioned colors. Not the same but still. I advertised something on Facebook that I had avavilbe. A few hours after she did the same. More pics with my gifts in them. She must know surely I got them her or maybe she just doesn’t now give it a second thought like me. Either way I’m glad she feels ok to still show them!
Any way not much, I’m trying my best not to overthink!It’s good to hear from you.
What you described may or may not mean anything on a conscious level, but I think there is a good chance that subconsciously she liked and posted these particular things because they reminded her of you. I am almost positive that at this point she is starting to wonder about you and miss you (consciously).
What I know for sure is that over time little reminders of you are going to keep popping up and she is going to wish you were there to share them with. Maybe that picture of the dog was one of them? For example, if your favorite band comes on the radio, that is going to cause an instant flashback to you and will probably be followed by a moment of sadness that you are not there to listen to it with her. These little things are the kind of things that eventually inspire her to reach out just to say hello and see how you are doing.
That is another beautiful thing about no contact. Our ex’s defenses start to come down and little reminders are able to get into their heads. Eventually the defenses will be completely lowered and reminders will be everywhere. The urge to reach out to you will become as overwhelming for her as it is for you now.
I hope she does start to miss me. It’s obviously not enough to contact me yet. My message is still unread and ignored. It’s been over 4 weeks now. I wonder about her everyday, I can feel her drifting away now, and my feelings lessening but I can still hope one day she will get in touch. I may eventually myself send her a message but when I feel I have nothing to lose and know my feelings won’t get hurt. And if I also know she isn’t seeing someone else. It’s coming up to three months since we broke now.
The dog picture may well be a reminder for her. It’s funny how it was kinky that one and the dog is the spitting image of mine.
I’m not angry at her for this but I do feel a little bit disrespected that she has blatantly ignored me a month. I know o certainly wouldn’t do that for her. I think she lost all respect and feelings for me in the end.She has not lost all respect or feelings for you. The attraction to you has been lowered, but not completely lost. That is human nature. No contact helps to rebuild respect, feelings and attraction, because it displays your maturity and confidence that wouldn’t be displayed if you were chasing her.
I think it is very likely that she is simply holding out to see if you will start to chase. I also feel very confident that her anxiety levels are raised a little more every day that you don’t contact her. Again, human nature. We just simply do not disengage emotionally with someone we had been in a years long relationship with that easily. What we do instead is dig in and try to convince ourselves that we are over that person, but eventually our emotions overpower our stubbornness.
Why hasn’t she opened your message? It could be a lot of reasons and many of them not what you think. If it was a text message or a Facebook message, the message alert can pop up on her phone immediately after you sent it. She could read it right there without actually opening it in the app. I do that all the time. Or, maybe she is just avoiding it because she is afraid it will trigger her and she will reply before she is ready to.
My ex used to ignore my messages, because she knew I had a way of sucking her back into a conversation when she wanted to be done with it. She just couldn’t read my words and not respond, so she had to just not open it. And that is the ex who eventually just showed up at my house when she didn’t hear from me for a couple months to ask if we could talk. If I didn’t stay no contact, she would not had done that. She specifically said that she got scared that she was going to lose me. I really believe your ex will go through something similar.
The dynamic you described is not that different from what I experienced myself and heard from others many times. There really is a noticeable pattern in all this. Sadly though, we still can’t give a timeline as to when things will unfold as every person is different and the circumstances of every breakup are different. However, my experience has shown that the ex usually reaches out in 2 to 4 months, but then I have seen some cases where it was over a year later.
It is okay to feel the pain and even obsess over it a little. That is normal human behavior. But, at the same time, we should try to ween ourselves of the obsession and try to focus on ourselves and do things we enjoy so that we can become strong and more confident again. We should not think of this as waiting for our ex to come back, but as improving ourselves so we look attractive to any person we might be interested in, which includes our ex.
I know she is very reserved with her feelings. Which makes me think that even if she did want to contact me she would put it off. I can imagine her feeling very awkward messaging me now after she has ignored me. She did put up another video yesterday and sounding very cheery and happy.
I guess time will tell like you say. I’m trying my best to ween myself off her. It’s difficult and still get time skf anxiety but I can feel in myself a little better.Also, if you say she may be waiting for me to chase…should I? What if we are both waiting for each other to get in touch first. I suppose because I was the last to message and she has ignored that she needs to be the one to initiate?
Seth’s right mate I’ve been in agony for weeks since my ex split with me and unfortunately my ex has bad anxiety and depression so you can’t deal with them the same and what they say and what they mean can be totally different to what we think. He said to just leave her to it and get on with my own life and it’s been 9 days and every day gets easier. I’m trying to keep the mindset that if she really thinks we aren’t worth another chance then it’s her loss as I’m a really good, honest and genuine bloke and on the plus side I don’t have to worry about her anxiety and depression anymore
No you should not chase. Stay no contact. What I mean is she is waiting to see if you will contact her to assure her that you are indeed still on her hook and not moving on. This would erase the anxiety that she is losing you and she will feel that she can come back to you anytime she wants because you are just going to keep chasing her. That is not the message you want to give her.
She needs to feel your absence and the sense of loss of the relationship before she can begin to miss you. If you are reminding her that you are there, she will never feel that.
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