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We broke up two months ago. After wards I sent her a text thanking her and that I love her (probably all the wrong things to do). We then didn’t sppeak for two weeks, she contacted me twice asking how I am and also asking about my new job I had. We then stopped talking again.because she read my last message and didn’t reply. Earlier on I asked if we could sort things out and try again. She said to me at the moment it’s best that we don’t. So I respected that and left er in peace. We then didn’t speak for a month until one day she put up a Facebook post saying she’d had a bad day. I sent her a quick message just to see if she was ok. She replied quickly and we messaged a few times back and forth and the next day.it was just kind and polite. At this time I told her I was sorry for what happened (even though she stopped wanting to see me, said she was unhappy. We had a few bickers about things etc) and that if I had another chance to do things different I would. I told her I miss the good times. She replied with ‘thankyou’ and ‘I don’t know if we can’
I replied to this saying I understand and I’ll leave her in peace.
She replied again saying ‘I just don’t know’
I then replied saying that’s ok. I told her it could has to feel right for her and it would be wrong of me to pressure her. Told her we would have to take things slow. And that I’ve reflected on things.
She rpeeid a day later with ‘ I can’t give you an answer right now’
I then messaged her back the next day just saying I understand and I respect that.
She hasn’t even opened it to read and has deliberately ignored it.
This was over two weeks ago now. She continues to post happily on Facebook.
Should I assume she has zero interest?
I love her badly and would love tot try again but I don’t want to keep pestering her with messages. Especially when she has ignored my last one.
Is it clear she doesn’t want anything to do with me?It sounds like you are in the just friends zone. That is not a good thing. It means she is keeping you on a hook just in case she has no other options and she can slowly ween herself off you and move on while you have no idea she is doing that. If you want her back, stop being her friend and go no contact and stay no contact until she reaches out to you. Going no contact makes you look confident and secure be ause you are giving the message that you are just fine without her. That is going to make her feel attraction to you again.
You did not specify how long you were together before the breakup. That can matter. If it was a decent length of time, my impression is that she is struggling to stick with the breakup. That is why she wants to keep you on the hook while she tries other options and then stops responding because she doesnt want to give you too much or false hope. Going full no contact and letting her come to you is what is going to make you look good. It could be weeks or months, but you should take care of yourself and do what you enjoy, so when she contacts you, you will appear happy and confident.This reply has been reported for inappropriate content.
She has low interest in you and isn’t interested in trying to repair the relationship.
You’ve pestered (messaged) her too many times.
Continue no contact and stop stalking her social media.
Thanks for the replies. We were together for three years. A long time. We had really good times together. I haven’t text her since she has ignored my last message. Since breaking up I have contacted three times. She has contacted me also twice.
She has liked a couple of my social media posts. And I have liked a couple of hers.
She has an important event coming up soon, which I was going to be involved in but now obviously not. I was going to wish her luck with it. Not message her but through a status on social media. Should I?
I have been keeping quiet on social media and posting the odd picture of places I’ve been and what I’m up to.Do you think by telling her I care for her and I would like to try again has blown my chances? If their ever was any. Maybe she is keeping me on the hook. I won’t be taken for a mug though, I genuinely love this girl but if she is doing that then she’s not the person I thought she was.
No you have not blown any chances. If only a few messages have gone between you since the breakup, it sounds like you are in better shape than most. Let’s keep it that way.
First, no you should not wish her luck in any way. Go no contact now. I have a feeling she is going to reach out to you soon. Again, when she does keep the conversation casual.
Telling her you care for her and would like to try again one time was fine. You got that off your chest and she knows now. So it’s all good. You are not pressuring her with it or reminding her. So again you are in good shape.
Now it’s time to show her that even though you would had liked to try again, you are perfectly fine without her. You are not needy, you know your value and you know you have other options. You project that message by staying no contact.
This does not mean block her on social media. In fact, I believe you should NOT do that. That would be petty. Maybe unfriend her in a couple weeks, otherwise leave it as it is. This shows security and confidence. You aren’t making a point, you have nothing to prove, you are just living your life normally. She on the other hand might block you. If she does, don’t take it negatively. It likely she is doing it just to remove temptations because she is struggling with the breakup too.Also, post things that show you are living your life and happy, but don’t over do it and don’t fake it, and especially don’t post things obviously intended to make her jealous. That would only make you look pathetic. She on the other hand may do just that to make you jealous. Recognize it for what it is, an attempt to get your attention because she is struggling with the breakup. But stay no contact until she comes to you. Show restraint and maturity. That plus your confidence is going to look very good.
Think of your contacts with her as a tennis match. You hit the ball to her side of the net. Now it’s her turn to hit it back to you.
I hope you’re right in terms of she will get in touch. I had to tell her i care for her and wish we could try again. I won’t block her, couldn’t do that. She still has pic she of me on her profiles, as do I. She even posts pics still and gifts I bought her are in the background so it’s nice she hasn’t tossed them all away! When I asked to try again I told her I understand and told it’s no problem (that she doesn’t know) I’m not the type to message everyday begging. She hasn’t replied or even read my message for over two weeks now. I’m going to assume she has gone, carry on as best I can, after all she doesn’t know how I’m feeling deep down, the anxiety everyday of missing her, but she doesn’t need to know. In all honesty as much as I want her back and for us to re build what we had, if she is happy without me, then I am happy for her. I will always love her and I will prey one days she does get in touch.
It sounds like you are analyzing her page. I used to do that too. I would look in the background of pics to see if gifts i bought her were still there and if they were i was thrilled. That isnt healthy, but I understand.
Stay no contact and in about one weeks, change your profile picture to one that shows just you. Change any pictures of the two of you to be seen by only you. You want to do this before she does. Actually you might want to do it now if you had been no contact for a few days. This singles to her that you are accepting the breakup she wants and you are strong enough to move on. She is going tonotice this, but probably won’t say anything. In two weeks unfriend her.
This isnt about being mean or hurting her. Its about taking care of yourself and doing what is best for you. But it gas another benefit in displaying your strength and confidence to her. I think she will miss seeing herself on your page and will want that back. She will see that she can really lose you.
Thankyou. I do look at her page, but I’m trying not to read into things too much.
I just get a ‘gut feeling’ she has met someone else. I have no proof but I just feel it. Nothing I can obviously but I’d be gutted if she can move on after two months. I certainly need to find myself again.
My biggest ‘why?’ Is why she hasn’t read my last message. She has left it unopened for over two weeks. I know she in no way has to read it or open it, I just find it odd. And a little upsetting that I’ve almost been dismissed after everything we did together. I saw a future with this girl, but things got messy, communication was pooor and ulti think that is what caused our break up. When I tired to talk in person, she would tell to just ‘not to worry’.She can’t move on after just a couple months considering the length of your relationship. She might be in a rebound, but that can actually work in your favor. She will be comparing him to you, and he won’t measure up. So the more you stay no contact, the more she is going to miss your qualities that he doesn’t have.
When you change your pictures on social media, it is HER who is going to be asking “how can he move on so quickly” and she is going to get a little paranoid that she is losing you. And she will want to reach out to you. She will resist for awhile, but I think she will reach out before too long. However, if you wait too long and keep the pictures of her up as they are, you are projecting to her that you are NOT moving on and that she still has you on her hook. Then what is going to happen is she is eventually going to take down the pictures of you and unfriend you and you are going to be the one hurt.
I highly recommend that you take your power back by making those changes before she does. I think you will find it uplifting and empowering.
If she is ignoring your last message, it’s a sign that she is trying to stay strong in her decision and not give you false hope. Maybe she is afraid if she reads it she will get angry or hurt. So she is avoiding it. All the more reason to take your power back by making those changes before she does. Because that could be a sign that she is contemplating doing that very thing. I worry that you are going to be crushed if tomorrow you notice that your pictures on her page are gone or that you are blocked on Social Media.
When you make those changes first, I think she is going to reach out to you and ask why. You stay calm and say “You said you wanted to break up, so I am moving on.” From my experience she will likely respond in a way that indicates that she wasn’t sure she wanted to break up.
Thanks for your help Seth. I thought it is very quick to move on if she has, but I think she wanted out for a while just never told me..I don’t know…assuming. I have put my pic as just me. She appears to be just getting on, I honestly think she doesn’t really care. Maybe she can get on after two months. I certainly can’t but maybe I liked her more than she liked me at the end. When imasked tot ry again her saying she doesn’t know and can’t give an answer was a polite way of telling me to leave her alone…hence why she has ignored my message.
Yes she was thinking about it for awhile before actually breaking up. Nobody just wakes up one day and decides to breakup. She had to work up to it first and that took awhile. The point is its human nature to long for what we are used to and comfortable with. We dont like starting over. She needs sometime to feel what life is like without you and its very likely she isnt going to like it as much as she thought. She will be doubting her decision. I can almost promise you that. And the more space you give her and the signs that you are moving on are going to trigger feelings in her. Again she will resist for as long as she can, but her doubts will over power her stubborness eventually.
I feel that her response “i don’t know” confirms my point. She isnt sure and doesnt want to say one way or another. She needs time without you to figure that out. I think you are in very good shape compard to most i read about.Thanks. I hope she does think about me from time to time, but who knows.
We had a great relationship ..it just fell away at the end. I tired to fix it but she didn’t seem keen. As usual after the break up you start to reflect on how you behaved. I definitely last year lost a bit of my confidence. I stopped being the ‘man’ I used to be. And when she started pulling away, I started to chase. All wrong things to do I realise now. Funny how emotions get hold of you, when you fear of losing something….I lost her anyway. Each day I feel better and better. I’m still not fully right and don’t think I will be for a while, but I’m getting out, concentrating on work and trying to keep myself occupied. I hope one day she will reach out. And I hope she starts to miss me. We planed a holiday this year and I even bought tickets for a weekend away. All of which I did in an attempt to get us going again.I have no doubt that she is thinking about you all the time and that she is watching your profile, probably more than you are watching hers. Because you had a great relationship and it’s only been a couple months, she is not over you. She is just trying to stick with her decision.
She will probably post some new pictures of her looking happy and enjoying life, but remember that is just an act. Two things are going on there; 1. she is trying to convince herself that she is happy. 2. She knows you are watching her page and wants you to think she is happy. Remember it’s always and act. If you are in habit of watching closely, you might even notice a pattern to when she posts something new. But still it’s not healthy and can trigger negative emotions and doubts in you. So it’s safer to avoid looking. Plus I am a firm believer in a watched pot will never boil. She will come back when you are not looking.
We all been through that. We sense something is off and our insecurities take over and we chase. But most of us don’t come to our senses and change course, and start educating our selves on a better way to proceed.
While you are staying no contact you will start to feel like yourself again. You are taking control of your emotions and your life again. These are the qualities she and other women will find attractive. Stick with that not just to get her back, but for yourself.
That’s comforting to think she at least might be thinking of me.
It’s funny you should say about posting pictures, she yesterday posted a lot up on her profile about what she has been doing this week/ places she’s been too.
I think I am that emotionally tired now nothing phases me. I still miss her and get anxiety of wanting her back quite a lot. But I’m used to it now.If I knew what I have learnt since we have broken up I definitely would of gone about things differently, but that’s life I guess.
One thing I have noticed and I could all be coincidence of course, is that when I come ‘online’ a lot of the time she goes ‘offline’ I’m not sure why this would be probably nothing at all just something I have noticed.
I also fear that the longer this goes on the les likely she is to reach out? Like she would be embarrassed too or feel awkward after so much time has gone.
Not quite. The reason she most likely isn’t reaching out sooner is because she would look silly crawling back this soon. She is likely resisting doing that, but she wants to. Give it time. I promise that patience will be favorable to you.
She knows you are watching her page and I can almost guarantee that all the pictures are to get your attention. When you chase, it gives her a self-esteem boost and reassures her that you are available for her anytime she wants to come back. That is not the message we want to give her.
I bet you will notice more posts by her when she isn’t hearing from you than when she was hearing from you. And, I will bet most of the new pictures from yesterday that you mentioned went up after you changed your profile picture. Imagine how much she will freakout when you unfriend her. She will realze that she is losing you and she isn’t going to like that.
Breaking up is unfortunately a power struggle. She broke up with you, she has all the power in regards to what happens between you two. Now you are taking your power back and flipping the script on her. She is going to feel that lose of power and that is going to cause anxiety as she struggles to get control of the situation by trying to make you jealous or insecure. One way for her to regain control is to unfriend or block you. That is why you might want to unfriend her first, so you can project more security and confidence before she robs you of that opportunity.
After sometime of waiting for you to chase again, she is going to realize it’s not going to happen and you are moving on, and maybe even seeing someone. She won’t beable to control her jealousy, curiosity and fear of losing you. She will very likely contact you.
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