Am I doing the right thing?

[ceecee123]

I’m confused on what to do with my ex at this point… this is our third break up (all due to me though:(). I’ve given him by most 8 days of NC then I usually break… we were together from 8th grade up until our senior year. I’ve used this website for our last break up and it did work which is why I’m wondering if this time it won’t :(. Whenever I text him he will tell me something similar to “I don’t want to talk”. Like two weeks ago we were having a convo for a while and then he said “Please let’s stop talking.” So I gave it a week and tried texting again.. this time he said “I have nothing against you or anything bad to say about you. I just don’t want to talk” and yesterday he asked why I want to talk to him, I asked him why he doesn’t want to talk to me but all he said was “Because”. We’ve been broken up now for almost a month… We were each other’s first, but when we broke up last time I was with other people while I found out he wasnt… this time around, a week after we broke up he slept with a younger girl that’s not only been with a large amount of people but a girl that tried to ruin our relationship… I asked about her but he said “I’m not tryna date her? I don’t want the bitch” but yet on his social media they’re always liking each other’s stuff… I don’t know what to do please help 🙁

[ceecee123]

Oh and last time we broke up he blocked me on everything but we were in the same after school program so eventually we became friends and then back together. This time, he didn’t block me on anything, we still have each other’s location (an app you can do on iPhones) So I’m not sure what to do…

[patricia12]

Hi ceecee, I’m sorry for your situation, confusion, and sadness. I’ve read your other posts and I’m glad you realize that your behaviors were toxic to the relationship. Your anger, jealousy, starting arguments, and neediness contributed and these are all deadly to any relationship. Being upset because a guy takes a while to answer a text shows neediness and desperation. Trying to be more understanding that he has other things to do in his life would be more appropriate. And texting too often or too many hours in a day only aggravates a guy who is busy! You’ve been too smothering in this regard. Starting arguments is upsetting for anyone on the receiving end and disagreements should be discussed in a calm respectful way and they should be few and far between. Men want to be with a girl who is mostly happy because it makes them happy. And guys who aren’t happy in a relationship will leave! He doesn’t want to talk and you’ve never respected his request for peace and quiet. You continue to hound and agitate him. He needs time to calm down from all your negative behaviors. Every time you text him, it doesn’t make him want you, it only serves to push him away more and more. It also gives him confirmation that he did the right thing by breaking up and that he would be better off without you. If you continue to nag him, eventually he will block you again from social media. You said you’re not sure what to do, but I think you know that it would be best to honor his request about not talking. So don’t text for at least a month or more. Give him space to remember better times because now when he hears from you it just reinforces his negative thoughts of you. Be strong and good luck..

[ceecee123]

I appreciate every single word you said as it was extremely helpful. Thank you for it and I will definitely follow through with what you said. He texted me now and said “I do care. But we aren’t good and aren’t going to be I realized that things just changed for me. I’m not with (her name) idk who told you that and I really don’t care who did either. Aren’t you happier without me?” What do I say to that..?

[ceecee123]

I asked him “are you” and he said yes. my heart honestly hurts a lot right now.

[patricia12]

He texted you now? Did you initiate a text and that was his response? It sounds like you already said something to his text “are you?” to which he replied “yes”. He told you the truth. He’s happier without you because of the stress and unhappiness you put on him during the relationship by your behaviors. Don’t ever question him about rumors you’ve heard! You’ve done so much damage that he thinks (rightly so) you weren’t good together and even thinks you never will be!

You might get another chance, but ONLY if you stop acting the way you were acting! Now you absolutely must respect his request for no talking!! Don’t contact him and if he sends a text, don’t answer. You need to disappear so he can think more clearly without your interference!

[ceecee123]

I wished I could send you screenshots but I’ll type it.

I asked him “Are you and (the girl) together now?”
He said : I did care. But we aren’t good and aren’t going to be I realized that things just changed for me. I’m not with (the girl) idk who told you that and I really don’t care who did either. Aren’t you happier without me?”
I said : “Are you?”
He said: “Yes”
I said: “Do you mean that”
he said: “Yes I am happier not in that relationship anymore”
I said: “No I’m not happier without you. I realized my faults and have been improving on myself for the past couple of weeks. We could be good together after permanent changes are applied, a lot of my actions were slowly becoming toxic and if removed we would have been happy for all these years and years on. I think we were extremely good together. Yes we had problems but nothing that couldn’t be fixed.. I’m not asking to get back together, I’m asking for us to be friends. You were honestly my best friend, it’s hard to talk to somebody everyday for soooo long to nothing. You meant a lot to me and there’s a reason why you were in it for all those years. It doesn’t have to be anything personal, just friendly.”
he said: “Not now. Maybe we can be friends later but not now and I’m not telling you this to get your hopes up because I don’t know if we will. I’ll be friendly but I still don’t want to talk”
I said: “Why do you say not now?”

I did decide I will definitely give him his space, I’m just confused a bit on all of this. I know I messed up in the relationship but I also did have my good moments too. I wasn’t always negative. I showed a lot of love and was true to him always. But thank you for replying, I appreciate all the advice I can get truly. He’s an amazing guy… It wasn’t a rumor I heard! He’s having sex with the girl so I was just asking if they’re together now..

[patricia12]

Your text sounded desperate, but very sweet and sincere. The last thing he said was; “Not now. Maybe we can be friends later but not now and I’m not telling you this to get your hopes up because I don’t know if we will. I’ll be friendly but I still don’t want to talk”. He told you he doesn’t want to talk, but then you kept nagging him on by saying; “Why do you say not now?”. My gosh, it’s very clear to me what he meant and you must have understood it too. He doesn’t want to be friends NOW and he doesn’t want to talk NOW.

If you want to be friends or have another chance, you have to stop contacting him NOW. It isn’t any of your business if he was with someone else or not. If he wanted you to know, he would have told you. Please do yourself and him a big favor. Stop contact and work on your issues. I’m sure you had good moments and tried to show your love, but guys don’t like even a little bit of unhappiness. So apparently you showed him enough bad behaviors that he just got tired of it and dumped you. I know your heart is broken, but you will be making things much worse by contacting him again! Please find the strength within yourself to cut contact for NOW. Perhaps in a month or two write a very brief happy text to ask how he’s doing, but don’t drag it out and don’t ask about his feelings etc..

Tomorrow will be day 1 right? If you’re having a weak moment and tempted to contact him, talk to a friend, family, or come here for encouragement not to give in or break the no contact. I’m wishing you the best and pray things work out for you both in the long run.. Stay positive! You can do this:)

[ceecee123]

You’re right. I just don’t understand all of this. I’ve never not wanted to
talk to
him so it literally doesn’t make sense for me. I was just asking in the way what the reasoning is considering
he’s talking to a girl that he talked badly about? But I
should just accept that he doesn’t want to talk for now. It just sucks it’s our senior year and were not together since we were since 8th grade. But I can do
this. Thank you so so much for replying and the advice! I will for sure apply them to myself.

[patricia12]

Day 1 ~ Stay strong with no contact.

[ceecee123]

I finished no contact a while ago but it didn’t go well…. do I keep restarting?

[patricia12]

@ceecee123 – What do you mean by “it didn’t go well” ?

[ceecee123]

Well, a lot happened. I said happy thanksgiving, he did back, then I continued on a conversation and he asked why I’m still talking to him, I gave it a couple days and then we talked slightly but not much, got in an argument about the girl he told me he doesn’t care at all about her and doesn’t trust “us women” anyways. Told me he doesn’t know anything I’m doing so as far as he knows I could be a ho?? I got defensive and we argued from there. Then he told me to stop texting him before shit happens (implying he will block me) so I haven’t texted him in about three weeks….

[ceecee123]

So his friends talked to me yesterday that his drug use is getting worse…. when we were together he would stay clean or stick with only smoking marijuana. But when we break up he always experiments. So freshman year he didn’t do anything, when we broke up he started smoking weed, sophomore year we got back together and he stayed clean, then we broke up and he was dropping acid and eating shrooms along with smoking weed. then the end of junior year we got back together and he only smoked weed, we broke up in September and now he’s doing Coke and trying to get harder stuff. His friends contacted me about how he’s addicted and it’s getting bad. I know when we dated I pointed out his problem but he would get livid so I know I shouldn’t say anything..

[patricia12]

@ceecee123 – This guy is bad news! The Thanksgiving conversations didn’t go well at all. Talking about the other girl wasn’t a good idea and his suggesting you might be a ho, was so bad and disrespectful. There’s been too many break ups, whether due to drugs or not, you deserve better! Please forget about this guy and try to find a decent person who will treat you right!! Until this guy gets serious help for his addictions, he will always be angry and lash out. Even if he gets therapy and gets clean, the great majority of drug users go back to doing drugs at some point. So do yourself a BIG favor and stop contacting him and get on with your life! He is dragging you down and you must want better for yourself, don’t you?

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