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Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • #115342
    AvatarBouman
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2

    Hello all,

    How do you guys think about people who have ADHD and are somewhat high sensitive?
    Because they tend to hop from relation to relation because of their impulsivity and (my thoughts) the need to stay in the limerence period as well as they have a hard time to commit.
    My ex once admitted, that in her younger years (she’s 34 now) she most of the time had enough of a relation after about 3-4 months.

    My relation with her, was going really well! We shared many many interests, we spend almost every time of the day together and we really had that emotional connection.
    We even had plans to live together as she really felt this was something special she didn’t have before.
    Yet she broke up with me 2 weeks ago, after a 6+ month relationship.

    The problem was that she also had trust issues when I went out to/with my friends. (because of her past relationships)
    She also was very insecure about herself and many times she cried about it because she thought I would leave her for it in the end. And because of her past trauma we got in small quarrels and discussions overtime and she was really afraid this could come stand in between us! (which eventually it did)

    She found me attractive psysical and emotional, and she really wanted it to work from within her heart! Because she saw how good I was for her and everything I did for her.
    She told me she did not want to give in and tried not to run away from it. But I think somewhere deep down inside she still had that trust issue she could not let go off.

    Also in the beginning of our relationship I was a very secure and confident guy and she told me that she really liked that about me. But as time went by and due to her own insecurities and trust issues towards me,
    I got insecure myself and therefor needy and clingy, which made her lose more attraction for me and she eventually broke up.

    I tried to convince her to look at it with reason, went by her house to talk with her but she found it really hard to give a good explanation at that given time. But we did came to an agreement to have another thought about it. But later that day I got an text message saying she did not want to talk anymore and for her the book was closed. She told me she didn’t have the right feeling for me anymore and said she could not do, and did not want this anymore, and said I should try to let go of her.

    But I really find that hard to understand or believe! I have a feeling she just wants that limerence feeling again. Because she once spoke of that, and its a common practice for people who have ADHD. I even have the feeling she might be with someone else already to get that feeling again. I asked her about it but she said that wasn’t the case.

    Its my birthday today, and I did get a birthday card from her, but it feels strange and odd and don’t know what to think of it since its only 2 weeks ago. It was her choise to breakup but it wasn’t on bad terms.

    Do I still have a chance? Or is this something totally different?
    I am currently on day 6 of NC.

    Thank you very much,

    Siete Bouman

    #115354
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2717

    @Bouman Infatuation is usually prevalent in the early stages of a relationship. But over time, thoughts and actions become more reasonable and stable. ADHD can be controlled with proper medication prescribed by a doctor. Has she seen a doctor or been taking medications for her condition?

    How did she display insecurity and then how did you start to display it? IE: What words +/or actions?

    I hope you thanked her for the birthday card! Even though you are in no contact, it would be the proper/considerate/polite thing to do!

    If you spent more time with your friends than with her, I could understand she would be upset. Curious as to your ages..

    PS: Happy Birthday!

    #115368
    AvatarBouman
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2

    Hello Patricia,

    Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it!
    My age is 35 now. She’s 34.

    I understand that after some time infatuation wears off and the “butterfly feelings” dissapear.
    But I just have a feeling that if those feelings dissapear on her, she desires that feeling again.
    Hence she didn’t often have a relationship over 4+ months. (as she told me)

    When I met her she just started to use meds for a some time. She said she had much more control over her feelings and how to act in certain ways or how to control her thinking and act rationally.
    Later in our relationship she said she had the feelings the meds wore off.
    And she began to have these splurge’s towards me and was much more tempered. (ADHD Symptome)

    We both wanted it to work so badly, but because of the discussions we had about things from her past (she clearly wasn’t over yet) we got those negative aura around us all the time, and we both got in a downwards spiral. And because of her HSP she has a much harder and longer time to process it and get over it.

    Her insecurity started almost from the start, while I was really secure at that time.
    She asked things like: Constantly asking if I still liked her physically, or if I would not be better off with another girl, or ask if I still liked to be around her, or if her insecurity would make me leave. I constantly had to comfort her and say that I would never leave her for anything she was afraid off.

    My insecurity started off when I got the feeling she backed away. I felt less affection from her than I did before and asked her if there was something wrong. She told me not to worry, but it didn’t fel right. So I became a bit needy aswell. There was this constant tension going on towards eachother because we both wanted our relation to work and have a good time together. We really cared about eachother!

    Its not about being to MUCH with my friends, its about the things my friends do. (which I don’t)
    And to prove her, I didn’t go often to my friends anymore because I was afraid that she would think badly about me. But I can’t completely ban them out of my life at once.

    Yes, I did thank her for my birthdaycard. It was short and brief. Haven’t spoken to her in person since 18 july, and the last message I send was to thank her on my birthday (24 july).

    I still hope she will contact me!

    #115369
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2717

    @Bouman If she has the feeling that the medication doesn’t seem to be working very well, she could let her doctor know. Maybe she needs an adjustment in dosage or a different one.

    The type of questions she asked indicate low self-esteem, so therapy might help her.

    I’m assuming your friends take drugs and if so, maybe she was afraid you would too.

    What is HSP?

    Continue no contact..

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