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We just don’t know what the future holds for us. You know, I really want to believe that I still have a chance with him. Again, the only thing I wish right now is to be able to be truly friends with him. Just talking to him as a friend, nothing more. That would make me happy because I miss talking to him and I miss being with him. He was there when I needed him, I was the one that could have been better and be stronger and not constantly bothering him with my personal issues. I should have given him more attention, and I bet he’s so angry at me for that that he’s not going to talk to me. And at the same time, he may be missing me and thinking of me, but he has that internal battle inside him and that keeps him away from contacting me…
Once again, I do not need him. I’m independent. I’m intelligent, I’m good looking. I have a good home. I have a supportive family and the best and most beautiful dog in the world. I may be prone to some cardiac issues (I had heart attack signs the day he broke up with me and I ended up going to the hospital and staying there), but I am certainly healthier than many people who unfortunately are struggling to just survive… Things could be much worse. I have to be grateful.
He has no idea of what he threw away. He acted out of anger, of sadness, whatever, but I can guarantee you that I was there most of the times. I wiped his tears so many times, I held him close to me, gave him strength when he was down with his own problems. I remember that time I was with him before an exam. I was with his friends too, and while he was waiting for his turn, he was so nervous… I calmed him down, saying “Don’t worry, my love. Believe in yourself, like I believe in you. You’re smart, you studied everything there was to study. But if you go in there like that, you’re not going to think clearly. Chill out, baby.”
When he returned, the exam went pretty badly. The grade he got shocked him. He got so depressed he transmitted that depression towards me. At a time, I didn’t know what I could tell him. He gets pretty scary when he’s upset. But then we sat down, he pulled me to him and sat me on his lap as if I were a teddy bear. He was very close to crying. I kept kissing him and telling him to stand up and don’t give up. To be strong. Letting my heart out to him, saying what I admired on him. He smiled and when we got up he hugged me again and said “Thank you, my love. You make me so happy. I’m so proud of being your boyfriend.”This was just an example. I began having more problems during June-July, and in August he broke up with me. So it was something that escalated quickly, which makes me believe it was a rash and a complete nonsense idea of his.
One other thing. Thinking back to the time I was pleading, he kept saying the same thing. When I was reminding him of our moments, everything we’ve been through, he kept saying “I already made my decision, don’t make it harder.” This makes me think that I may have got him, but he didn’t want to seem inconsistent or crazy, and so he kept saying that. And all that “I don’t love you anymore” stuff may have been a lie just to protect himself and to not look crazy. Not contacting me is cementing that mask. Creating an Instagram account = craving for attention. Oops, someone’s got a void here! Someone’s struggling to keep the mask on. I wonder when will that mask wear out…
Best friends.. I miss our friendship too like seriously, I don’t have any real best friends beside him. But I’ve read a post that put tears to my eyes: http://elitedaily.com/dating/dont-want-to-be-friends/1203631/
It just won’t be the same anymore unless you two mutually want tp be just friends or else you’re just gonna hurt more.And aww you both are so sweet 🙁 It’s a shame he choose to forgot those all..and your ex remind me so much of my ex. He used to treat me as his ‘shelter’ for all his problems and always told me my hugs made him feel safe from everything . It just always felt like ‘Us Against the World ‘. But now we’re just ‘Strangers with memories ‘ ?
He obviously still love you very much when he broke things of with you. All those things are yes, just a tool for him to feel less pain when he end things. Actually my ex didnt even told me we shouls break up, he just told me we should ‘let go for now’ but I bet it’s the same . They created this emotional barrier protection to make it easier for them. :/ My ex did the same, he was posting tonnes of stuffs in FB. To me it feel he was just ‘acting’ to be happy and he too like your ex did. I expect he’ll be posting a lot of stuffs on how awesome his life is jow but he didn’t. And the ‘excessive postings’ stopped. If you really still love him deeply, don’t hesitate to make the first contact . Because it takes time for reconciliation. For now you just to build positive interaction with him and eventually make him feel ‘safe’ to talk to you. Or you can continue NC and observe and grow more. Stay strong girl. We can get through this 🙂
You bet we were sweet. We were very close, very intimate. We even had our own “language”. We were like that until the very moment he said “It’s over for me.”
His mom would often say “What a cute couple you two make! Just look at you!” In just a second, everything fell down. If he could come to his senses, we could work things out, I’m sure of it. I mean, what the hell?
I’m aware that I’ll have endless opportunities to find love, but as long as I remember that someone who was crazy for me left me all of a sudden, I’ll always look at love as a demon. This was traumatic for me. My organism would probably hold me back from giving my all into a new relationship just so I don’t get hurt again. Either way, I’m not interested in a new relationship now. I just miss him. That’s all…
Aww 🙁 So were me and him.. everything you said is on point! Very close, intimate and had our own ‘language’ . I understand your struggling here.. it doesn’t make sense right? When everything just feel so right not just between us but with their family too. When you both just fit so perfectly then suddenly *poof*.. everything vanished out of thin air.
I mean I feel it’s really doesn’t make sense to suddenly broke things off with you like that. He may be just missing his ‘freedom’. One thing I notice my ex start to develop as he started mixing a bunch of single friends. Not to say freedom to date around or things like that but, freedom in general. I think we girls think differently compared to boys on this. To me, my ex really appreciate me and our relationship, because his actions proved it. But at the same time, they don’t want to settle down once and for all. They want to experience life on its own. They are questioning if we are really ‘the one’. And if this is really the case, there’s nothing we can do now except to accept that at this moment, we aren’t getting back together and move on. They’re struggling hard with this dilemma. Maybe time would tell.
I agree. I’ll never ever love this much again. This empty void is killing me. I will not ever love someone so deeply anymore. And I will actually compare everyone I meet to him. How their hairstyle look alike and the way that new person talk.. I know I just can’t help it. But don’t give up here just yet Platinum! If you really think it’s worth another shot then fight for it! Give it at least one last shot. This process is not gonna be easy at all there maybe one sunny day continued by days of hurricanes and tornados. For me I’m willing to fight for us, I don’t know how but I have faith. Do you plan to text him soon?
Maybe… But I’m scared of being rejected. He didn’t contact me at all, so what’s gonna make him have any interest in me? Actually I’m scared of him as a whole. And that’s what’s pulling me back.
I kind of know what to send him for a first contact text, but the odds aren’t really stacked in my favor. Of course, he may want me to talk to him more than anything, but the thing is if he really wanted, he would’ve reached out to me. No matter what battles he may be having inside him.You see, most of the guides on how to get an ex back only cover the specific case where the ex contacts us during NC and then go from there. That’s not what always happens. When someone starts doing NC and then they don’t hear from their exes they become clueless on what’s going on. That’s what’s happening to me. And my case is even more complicated. NC would work extremely well if I was the one who broke up with him and if he was the one that was abandoned. It’s the exact opposite. If this guy misses me, he’s clearly doing a great job to cover that up. He’s keeping loyal to his words, and he’ll fake it until he becomes it. Or maybe he’s not faking it at all.
“You have a good chance that your ex will contact you”, blah blah blah. Well, no, not really, not at all… I didn’t cheat on him, he didn’t cheat on me (not that I know), I seem to be in a pretty common and easy-to-recover-from situation, but it’s not that easy at all. “If he doesn’t contact you, you have to make the first step, and if he takes a while to respond, you might consider moving on.” Oh, you don’t say? It’s not that bulletproof, is it? But in my situation, it’s crazy to want to move on. I had everything with this guy and all of a sudden that everything is ripped away from me.
Slowly the feelings I have are turning into rage and frustration, because I can’t understand. I don’t understand why he chose to break up with me. I don’t believe he stopped loving me from one day to another. I understand there were some things I needed to change, but he had his share of mistakes too. But I would talk to him and I would try to solve things. He made me feel like I was an idiot who wasted 19 months with him. But I love him, and at the same time I wish I didn’t because it would be easier for me and I wouldn’t have to feel all this pain. I wish I didn’t put so much effort into us.
Actually, it’s complicated to express what I feel because I don’t know exactly what I feel…
Everybody processes a breakup differently. And I bet everyone here is in a different or similar stage in this process. Sometimes the relationship before the breakup plays an important role on which step to take after you done NC. Are you the ‘giver’ the one who gives more attention, more caring and more effort. Or is it your boyfriend? If you’re the ‘giver’ and he breaks things off, you’ll have to take a little different part as when compared to when he broke up with you but you’re more of an ‘accepter’ .
You see.. getting an ex back is more complicated than a super tough calculus question. It’s an active process that requires lots of strategies . Not those that require you to just play mind games with him because I don’t think that will work at all in long term. But a little more understanding on male psychology may help on understanding your ex better. And what I’ve learnt so far is really.. we need to adapt a new mindset. I used to be feeling like you, I’m just so afraid of rejection again. I wanted to talk to him so bad. But I’m not sure what to say so I just remain silent and just ASSUME everything. Like I really did know him, the fact is, the person we once knew before the breakup and after, have a lot of differences.
Then I really work on being more mature mentally. I learn to let go. I just stopped trying so hard. The weird thing is I feel our emotions with a closed one is somehow connected in the universe. When I was still anxious, afraid of denial, and just completely have no idea of what to do.. I could feel that he actually didn’t miss me and was just enjoying his life with his friends. Then when I learned to calm down my thought and pray hard everyday I eventually feel better in within . I start connecting with him again. I mean I actually feel that I could feel his emotions, and that he misses me too but he is just as clueless and afraid as I am. And you must know when you just started talking you just want him to feel comfortable talking with you now. And that you genuinely cared. It’s not gonna be easy at all. In fact he may even ignore your first text or some other. Just like what I’ve experienced. MY ex used to be more resistant when we first started talking, because he’s afraid of going back to those negative emotions. Guys suck more than us when dealing with emotions. But I didnt give up there. I stayed positive. I posted pictures of me just being happy with my friends on the same time I miss him deeply of course. I think positively and my actions are just a bonus to it. Then when I approached him again, things started to be better , then became worse again, then better, then worse, again. Sucks I know. But that’s just how it is. Sometimes, it’s really okay to make the first move.
I know feelings are hard to describe.. it’s okay we’re all in this pain together 🙁 I’m not sure how to give the best advice so I’ll just share what I’ve been through. Hope you’ll get some insight from my story. (Ps: I don’t just suddenly went into ‘talking terms’ stage with my ex right after NC, it fact it takes more tears, more disappointments and realisation before reaching the next step)
Thanks for your courage moonbunny. Really, thank you. I will try to contact him soon. I hope he didn’t delete my number or blocked it or whatever. Seeing my text would already be good, since I don’t know if he still has my number or if he blocked it. I guess the only way of knowing this is by trying… Since he said we could still be friends, I guess he wouldn’t do such a thing, but I don’t know…
He deleted our anniversary pics 6 days after he broke up with me. I should have done the same with his pics and the stuff he gave me, but I can’t bring myself to do it because deep down I have this voice saying “Don’t pack his gifts, there’s still a chance that you guys will end up together again. Have hope.” And also they have quite a value to me, so you can see my struggle here.
You’re welcome Platinum 🙂 It’s really a freaking roller coaster ride.. but it made me grew up alot mentally and think things more clearly too. I promise you that you too, will be able to see things in a better light soon.
My ex did the same.. he deleted all his profile pictures of us together and our pics in instagram but still left the comments and some pics there. It hurts at first. But then I realised.. it’s okay because our old relationship is dead after all. I will miss those times but if we ever get back together everything will be much more different and better. And so I did the same.. while crying my eyes out though :/ I saw some statistics online that the dumper will only start to process the break up after 4-8 weeks. And an healthy reconciliation will take 6 months – 2 years to occur. So don’t lost hope here just yet dear! As your thinking became more mature things will surely get easier. As you will learn to be emotionally happy with yourself. Hold on tight for yourself <3
I have finally packed his gifts and hid them away from me. My room seems a little bit empty. I had a feeling of numbness and some neutrality while I packed them up. I guess that was a blast of strength from within me.
Not a sign of him contacting me yet. Tomorrow’s my birthday… I wonder if he’ll wish me a happy birthday. Not only I would be happy that he reminded me but I also would try to make a small and friendly conversation with him. I don’t hold anything against him. I mean, I love him, of course I wouldn’t hold any grudge, although yesterday I had deep feelings of anger and hatred, but, like I said before, I have highs and lows and while I’m more stable than before I still have those moments. I guess that’s because I’m still deeply in love with him and I miss him like crazy and he doesn’t seem to be feeling what I feel.
How do you make first contact with your ex after NC, moonbunny? Did he reply to the first contact? What were his reactions?
Yup, like I said, he didn’t wish me a happy birthday. I’m really angry. I’m beginning to think that this guy deserves a cold revenge. I’m beginning to feel I don’t want him in my life, not even as a friend. This guy really is a child. My parents were right. Who the f*ck does he think he is?
I wasted my precious time with him. He’s not even my friend. He’s a stranger. I made him feel really good on his birthday, got him gifts, and this is how he thanks me.
I’m going to make him regret this. I promise. I’m gonna make him want me so badly and then turn his life into a living hell, like he did with me. He’s going to feel the pain I feel. I don’t deserve this.
I know we’re broken up, but NOTHING justifies not wishing me a happy birthday. He said we could friends. Friends don’t do this. I’m badly hurt and disappointed. This guy really needs to grow some balls and learn how to be a real man, not a teddy bear who constantly wants to have all the love. “Of course I care about you!” Bullcrap!
I really don’t know him anymore. I know, I know, it might be too soon to give up. But this attitude of his hurt me. This was not like him. I miss the old him, not this asshole. This stupid idiot of him. I have loads of anger right now inside me. I only see revenge in the form of regretting the breakup as an objective. He made me walk through hell. I thank him for that. I got out of there stronger and more independent. I’m a different person. I don’t need this asshole.
He will come crawling back with his tail between his legs. I’ll work for that. If life itself doesn’t make him grow up and match his age with his mind, and if he ever wants me back, I will make sure that happens. And then let’s see how he likes being rejected. Let’s see how he likes watching me get any guy I want and leave him behind. Let’s see how he likes losing the very best girlfriend he ever had.
I love him, but it’s times like these I wish nothing had happened between us. I wish I could just erase that part of my memory. I still want him back (hence all this rage), but I would like him to change as well. But he became an asshole. This is not the change I want. I want him to be more of a man. Only kids do this stuff. I thought he was mature, but turns out he isn’t at all. 19 months, and I couldn’t see he wasn’t as mature as he looked…
Aww @Platinum ! 🙁 First let me just give you an virtual *hug*
Sorry I didn’t saw your post yesterday. And really.. what an asshole he is! He was acting completely immature as you’ve mentioned. He don’t even have the balls to wish you?! Guys are chickens even my ex boyfriend told me before that he is indeed a chicken compared to me. For I choose to give him so much love which he ended up just telling me we should give up.
Screw him for you! D: He really doesn’t deserve you.. is a simple birthday wish that hard? :/ From now on I agree that you should move on in a sense that you won’t give so much fuck about him any more because hey! we don’t need a man to show us our value! They should fight for us instead, love is an equal thing. And guys are like that sometimes they’ll only start to realise once they realise they’d lose something forever. And the best freaking revenge is to start living your life to the fullest. And one day, both of us, we’ll find someone that deserves us! If they ever want to come back, they have to work for it. Because yeah, they freaking made me walk through hell!
Walking away from my ex.. was my last option ever. But he just did it in a text saying we should let go. That’s what he gave me in return for giving him so much love.. and even myself?? Screw this shyt. I ‘hope’ he’ll find someone that love him as much as I do, that’ll tolerate his immature attitude like I do and cared for him so much like I do. And I don’t think he ever will. So they thought their life would be better without us? LET THEM BE. I hope they’re happy too when they see us in someone else’s arms giving them the attention we used to give them! -.-
Stay strong girl! We don’t need a man! And we deserve someone who will do the same for us!
This guy is going to suffer. He’s going to cry me a river. I’ll make sure that happens. Yes, I don’t need a man. I only need myself to be happy. I had already realized that during NC. My parents warned me… Now I see they were right… I gave too much of myself to him, and although he really liked me and supported me, he didn’t give that much. If he did, he wouldn’t have done this to me. He would have never thought of leaving me.
His actions, during our relationship, were those of a man who was almost blinded by love. ALMOST. I was the one who was really blinded. I was the only who had to make the trip almost every week to his place. And our relationship isn’t that much of a LDR. It’s 45 minutes or 1 hour driving. We’re not that far. And we study near each other. My dad would often say “I don’t like you being the one going to his place. He’s the guy. He’s the one who should come here. You girls have to play it independent and let guys come to you.” Boy, he was right… My dad was right… And to think I would often get into arguments with my parents because of this… My ex always gave stupid excuses, like it’s easier for me to do the trip than for him…
Right now I don’t know if I should try to get him back. Like, I don’t know if I can trust him if he becomes mine again. But I still love him. I’m just kind of over him, not really over him. I wish he would become a better guy. I wish he could correct his faults too. He has potential, but right now he became an idiot…~
And thanks for your support, moonbunny. Really, thank you. 🙂
Gals…plz dnt hold grudge against anyone…not even your ex…you are guvung them importance by hating them..plz have a big heart to foegive them for whatever they did to you..i know its hard
..i know how you are feeling..i was also feeling the same ..a few days ago..i still feel bad that he is doing this to me..but i dont hate him now..m just little angry..you should be angry no doubt..but by hating someone you’ll end up hurting yourself…i know you are feeling bad but thinking of revenge is not good!!
Its ok if you want to move on…but to move on or to get them back you’ll have to let go these negative emotions!!I know, sri, I’m not holding anything against him, I’m just furious. I mean, if you read my case, you’ll know that this was completely nonsense. He broke up with me out of the blue, and seems to be doing great and has completely forgotten about me. I told him I was still his friend and he said he was there for him if I needed, but is this the act of someone who can be called a friend? Please be honest with yourself and put yourself on my shoes for a while.
I don’t want to move on… I want him back, but he’s becoming someone who’s pushing me away. Heck, he might be even doing it on purpose! It’s because I love him that I feel so furious… I really don’t know what to do…
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