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Been there; deactivated my Instagram. You can’t read too much into that bc for the most part when people reach out to exes after a (real) relationship ends it’s a flimsy attempt at an ego boost.
I don’t really understand him being afraid to commit after 18 months (plus your history) … That sounds like a commitment to me. Unless you’re pushing for a ring but it doesn’t sound like threat is the case. I get why you feel confused! That said, I don’t think he will give you any sort of answer that will make you feel better so keep moving forward and take his words at face value.
For me, we had a lot of external factors that led to fighting and insecurity on my part. By the time I got over it and was ready to work on things he was way too far gone. No matter how differently I approached situations, he was on edge–the space was definitely necessary. I just feel a little like I walked away with all the blame so while I can fix the things I contributed; I’m not sure he’ll heal in a way that will help us work things out (even though he has fully admitted that he didn’t treat me as well as he should have)
Yeah 🙁 I don’t know what it is, I wasn’t clingy, he admitted he took advantage of how nice I was, he didn’t put any effort….and he said he was really happy before breaking up! But needed to grow up and part of that was being with other people 🙁 but the hard part is that he wants NC for longer than 3 months-worried that will effect is getting back together 🙁
I reckon NC will be good for you guys! He needs to realise what life is like without you-think he’s taken advantage of you!
Yeah. Honestly, I am pretty uncertain whether I want him back or what I wanted him to be and never got.
You seem fairly resolute… Do you plan on dating other people during that 3-5 months? I like that your ex is creating a clear space between you instead of trying to keep in touch, but I don’t like that it sounds a little like he is banking on you waiting patiently on the other side of this- I hope I am wrong. May I ask how old you are? Or more to the point, how old is your ex?
We are 23 and 22- I’m soon to be 24, he is soon to be 23 (he was a late baby!) that’s what I’m worried about 🙁 I don’t know. I love him so much and I would do anything to be back with him, but he would have to change :/ guess I’m not sure what to think or expect from him at all. I was a very loving girlfriend who gave him tonnes of space and never restricted him from doing anything-I just hope he regrets it and comes running back 🙁
And yes I’m going to date other people-it recommended to in this and I didn’t last time because I was scared of what he would think, but think it would be good for me in the long run. Are you?
If you all are there i need your help!.ever since I found out the move iv been texting him ALOT .. like sometimes twice before he even responds..i have even asked him when he wants to meet still and he keeps telling me he doesnt know because hes busy..and im getting sooo frustrated and hurt at the same time! I need to stop before i ruin anything but he leaves in literally 30 days and im freaking out because im worried that once he leaves thats it…i mean he wont even see me while hes here so i know once he leaves it will be over…
I think that hope is norma. and to some extent can make it feel easier to move on because starting no contact feels less permanent; but I think dating is good because it makes you realize it IS over and it’s going to be OK. Even when I don’t have a connection with someone, it’s nice to be reminded of my value. So yes, I have been dating; and I think he will think that that sucks, but that’s the consequence of breaking up with someone.
Kiya. Back away from your phone. Seriously. Give it at least three days (unless he initiates); I worry you’re pressuring him into giving you an answer that will be a “no” I know it’s difficult to believe this with a move coming up but situations are fluid and feelings are fluid and his feelings may change from anywhere in the country–but not if your pressure him (and you seem to know this). Just keep telling yourself that you are more likely to get a positive response if you create more space for him to come to you and stop waiting by your phone. Give his number to a close girlfriend and delete it so you can’t text him. Whatever it takes.
Kiya92 don’t text anymore!! If you pressure him he will say no (from experience here!) stop texting and leave it now-you’ve said your part, and you want him to look forward to seeing you, not dreading it because he is being forced to.
I had a little cry last night 🙁 got a bit drunk and went on his Facebook (which I hadn’t done since we had broken up!) he changed his picture from one of him from our holiday in Prague, and to one of him and his dad 🙁 which made me a bit upset (not sure why!). I’m just missing him terribly. Was tempted to message saying about him going travelling Ans to have a good time…thoughts?
I’m finding this whole NC way harder the second time round! I guess it’s because I’m more scared that it’s properly over this time and that he’ll never want to get back with me :'(
Girls… Do you think I should message asking for a chat, and mention about how last time he told me a different reason as to why we were breaking up and is that the same thing that’s happened this time? :'(
Kiya, I agree with Amy and Palmtrees. You don’t want to come off clingy to him right now. Just try to not text him for a couple of days. Just make sure you are in control.
Amy, I think you should avoid telling your ex to have a good time. Stick with the NC no matter how hard it is. Your ex should be thinking about you. You guys were together for a while so he can’t just forget about you over night. I don’t know what it feels like to be the person that did the breaking up, but I know for a fact you cannot erase memories!!
We all have to look at the positives so we don’t lose all of our hope. We all have so many memories with our exes and they can’t forget all about them. Yes they can do stuff to keep us off their minds, but every once in a while something will remind them of us.
Im so sorry palmtrees22 welcome to the group:).i know im super late but for some reason i wasnt getting any of the notifications so im soo behind With everything..
And amy no hun!..its like the advice you all gave me dont send that only because i dont want your first convo to be about the past or about how the relationship ended make it so that the next time he speaks to you its happy and positive
Catherine what you said was perfect! Literally i couldn’t have said it better…amy if you want to text him ..write us! If you feel that urge. Also i dont think you should only because it shows him that you are paying attention to what he is doing so i say no to asking him and keep the NC ..i think i have to startstart nc again because im hurting to much and you all gave great advice im being to emotional and clingy i just love him tons 8+ yrs is a long time and i just dont understand how he can be ao happy without me .it makes no sense and its killing me not to cry ugh!
Kiya92/catherine8 that’s very true!! I think at the back of my mind it’s just that “what if…” Like, what if he didn’t tell me the whole truth about why he was breaking things off with me? What if it was the same reason as last time? I think because he said almost the exact same thing as last time and the main reason (which I found out when we got back together) was because he thought I was checking his phone and therefore didn’t think I trusted him 🙁 I’m worried that he’s done exactly the same for the same reason this time too 🙁
And kiya92 I don’t think he is as happy as you think, otherwise he wouldn’t see meeting up with you as a big issue 😉
Amy during this last go round if you dont mind me asking what makes you think its the same reason?..like has trust been a issue for you both?
And as for my ex i just wish he would get it together i hate to text him so much (btw i havent since yall said to back up) its just you would think that he would take that time out..its strange though his mom always wants to talk (strange) but hot him, i just dont get it
Yeh, well last time we broke up he said it was because of commitment issues etc, but also part of it was because he thought j didn’t trust him and thT I was looking at his phone, and a couple of months ago (April) he thought I was doing it again, and I had to firmly tell him I wouldn’t do that. I guess I just worried that that is the same issue this time and he just hasn’t told me? Which is why I’m so worried/making me really want to talk to him now! :'(
And I think you need to remember boys have massive egos- they don’t want them to be damaged, and speaking to you again might admit to himself he was wrong to break up-you never know :/
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