Boards › No Contact Rule › 17 days NC
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September 21, 2016 at 1:20 pm #67657
sorchaL46
Thanks, but I really wasn’t/am expecting her to reply, it’s alright, the note itself doesn’t require an answer. I don’t know what miracle should happen for her to contact me, probably only breaking up with this new guy who maybe he’s not even a rebound anymore.
I will just go on with my life with the consciousness that she won’t come back any time soon. If our relationship is really meant to be, planets will align again one day and there will be a sign.September 21, 2016 at 2:20 pm #67659Hey PAlmtree, i know it is a struggle when there is a history of coming back. I too have this looming over me also. But it sounds like u are doing well in taking control of your situation and being more level headed. How have your interactions gone in the past few weeks? Is he still making excuses to talk to u? Are your interactions pleasant or make u edgy?
If u could take a moment to read my post about contact with my ex and give me your comments that would be great. If it’s too hard to find, let me know and I’ll post it again. A lot of new people and comments. I’m Finding it hard to keep up myself.
Thanks
September 21, 2016 at 7:07 pm #67666Soupy, is it on this thread? I just have missed it.
September 21, 2016 at 7:17 pm #67668Hi pAlmtree, it was in this thread. But it was a week ago and there has been a lot of msg since. I’ll just repost it for u. Will probably be easier.
September 21, 2016 at 7:21 pm #67669Ok never mind I just read it. I think you need to go the “friends” route for a bit if you have the emotional capacity for it. Keep things light and friendly because she seems to WANT to hear from you, so long as you don’t talk about the relationship and it is difficult to figure out why that is at this juncture and the only way to find out is to get her more comfortable with the idea of talking to you regularly. If in a few weeks you feel like you are making no progress, you can decide what to do from there.
That was basically what I did. Our interactions were pleasant but I was all too aware of the fact that I can not get over my ex as long as we are talking so I had to draw the line (again). I was very clear this time that he was to only talk to me if he wants things to move forward and he texted me not even 12 hours later about a restaurant… Lame. Once I responded that his next text better be fore a date, he did not respond. Even though I didn’t get the answer I wanted I was glad I did things my way bc I left things friendly and felt like I regained some dignity by refusing to be relegated to friendship. It makes me sad thinking this is it, which is why I’m partially holding out hope. But I know in my heart that it’s probably the real end for us.
September 21, 2016 at 7:23 pm #67670It won’t let me copy and paste it again. It was written in sept. 10 in column/page 46. Thanks pAlmtree, I look forward to your opinion.
September 21, 2016 at 7:24 pm #67671In my advice I probably did not highlight the importance of the fact that he and I had gotten a to a place where we were very open and honest in our communication; it was comfortable on both ends
September 21, 2016 at 7:29 pm #67672It sounds like he needs to figure his stuff out. Im sorry it’s not the answer u were looking for at the time. But in the end pAlmtree I think it is best for u. Gives u strength making that decision and puts it out there for no grey area. Unfortunetly I don’t think we ever lose all hope when u love someone. But he might surprise u after a bit ….. And if so u have set the foundation for a better relationship because of it. I hope your holding up ok, I know those decisions are hard not to secound guess.
September 21, 2016 at 7:46 pm #67673My ex is at a cross roads with life right now. I could see moments where she wanted to fully open up to me, and even began to. But then once it got too real she instantly pulled back. I seen this Repeatedly through our conversation. She opened up about a lot of major things (surprised me), listened in return, but got nervous and never fully let each conversation Cary out. I haven’t spoken to here in a week and a half, I almost feel like with everything going on she is confused and has her wall up and I’m not sure if me being friendly and just letting her know I’m around helps her at the moment. But I have decided anyways, that I am going to reach out a few times, about certain non challent things. Keep in touch, I know me doing little supportive things (telling her about a business opportunity etc) has in the past, really got her mind turning. And Not bring up her situation unless she does. And just show her that when someone cares, they are there for u. No matter how the past has been. I don’t think anyone has done that for her before. And that may be a bit why she is so gun shy with me now.
September 22, 2016 at 7:20 am #67693I think you are doing to exact right thing (as long as it isn’t too agonizing for YOU). Being consistently friendly and someone she can talk to without pushing will take you really far. You can probably reach out a bit more than you are to better establish consistently.
And you are totally right about this being the best thing for me; it’s easy to lose sight of that because it was so comfortable having him still text me every day. Barring him dating someone else seriously (honestly unlikely, I was the first girl he dated for more than a few weeks in years) I’m sure he’ll come around, but I’m not sure I want him to. I’m starting to think this flip flop behavior has a lot less to do with me and more to do with him– I could be perfect (ok, no I can’t but bear with me) and this could happen again
September 22, 2016 at 6:16 pm #67747Today I sent my goodbye letter to my ex.
I have received a bad news from my sister regarding her health, just caught in time before it could become life threatening but still very concerning. I will probably fly next month or in November to visit her, in the meanwhile I will support her from distance as much as I can. I know everything is going to be alright for her.
So it might sound strange after a negative news, but this made me feel more determined to send that letter to my ex, not because I see everything in black, rather it’s the opposite. Letting this go is a new beginning. It could even be a new beginning for this relationship, she will come back to a different and improved man.
Guys, don’t be afraid of let it go if necessary. Let it go is not a “GOODBYE forever”, it’s starting to live your existence in the present and near future embracing new perspectives and a new spirit within yourself.September 24, 2016 at 1:12 am #67815fishingthesky, your words are very wise and it really lifts me up when reading, really apprecite it! but you are right, sometimes letting go is the right thing to do, as it may be the right thing for me to do now.
to update when i last messaged, i was to have dinner with my ex on the weekend, but we never ended up going. She was occupied with helping her family, as to me i dont see an issue. Last weekend tho we were suppose to go , and she thought it was this weekend (the one that just passed) so twice? or once , whatever but we didnt end up going. I messaged her back saying, “it’s ok, maybe another time”. I dont want to keep trying as maybe i should try and let her reach out to me for a meet up? or should i try again in 2 weeks? This week tho, she seems to be texting me very short. Not her usual self. I dont know why she may be mad at me or something, but i reached out and asked her if there was anything bother her and she replied saying “no everything is good” but that was it. I think i will just give her space from here on. It’s kinda hard as i want to try to work things out but not sure if its just a coincidence or an excuse, but it doesnt bother me as i didnt have high hopes, kinda saw something like this coming. Thus concluding to why i feel like letting go. She still wears the ring i got her, and i talked to her the other week in person, and noticed in her room that the photo of us was still on her wall (was a scenery photo of us running at the beach , kinda like the ones you see in weddings lol) but i was glad to see it. I dont want to give up on her, but i feel like letting go for some reason, if that makes any sense…
Palmtree, my ex is kinda doing what your ex is doing. She wants to be friends, and she texts me but it’s hard on me, like i dont know if she just wants to have me around or whats going on. I want to try to work it out and meet up but either shes busy, or she has to cancel on me. So i feel like shes not ready, but sometimes i dont want to contact her at all as i too feel lead on.
September 24, 2016 at 11:02 am #67825So I think I figured out why she wasn’t acting herself lately.. She texted me this morning saying not to call her, she’s seeing someone. If this was earlier I would be devastated but I am stronger now and it definitely does hurt hearing this but I’ll stand my ground. I just replied” ok I understand” and that’s it. We were together for 7 years and she’s seeing someone after only 1 month and a half of break up. Has to be s rebound to get her mind off me? Or who knows maybe this is her true man. But either way now I’m definitely letting go. I myself don’t plan to date as I’m not ready and I don’t want to just date in spite as I am a much better man than that.
September 24, 2016 at 12:23 pm #67829Hey Pingpong,
Darn I am sorry to hear about this! I was hoping that you would give us good news about the date.
We are in the same situation, my ex has been seeing some for almost two months (at least I suppose she is still seeing the guy, I have no clue) after 5 years we have been together. But my ex is used to do this whenever she dumps me, she hooks up or she keeps some guy in line to get her mind off me, pretty immature but I guess the young age does matter. When women start acting weird, being cold, not responding calls and texts, they are definitely seeing someone else. We don’t know if it’s a rebound or not, it’s early to say but we can’t really do anything and let them have their experiences. I am glad you feel stronger now enough to let it go for now, I am on the same wavelength and I am thinking more positively a possible rekindle of my relationship in the future. For now I just put myself aside, I ain’t gonna date for a while either, we need time to adjust and find ourselves again as men after many years. Everything is going to be ok!September 24, 2016 at 12:26 pm #67830The thing about rebounds is you never know where they will go, so it’s better to try not to read into it. Honestly ping pong, I’m glad I cut contact and stopped doing the friends thing. I miss him a lot but I don’t feel trapped or as hopeful (which was the death it my moving on process). It sounds like you’re doing a bit better and it’ll only get better with time. I have noticed that with each relationship the next one gets better and healthier so I try to look forward and feel happy about that. And not dwell on the fact that I’m getting older ?? haha
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