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Posts
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No that’s true-I guess what’s scaring me is that knowing how easy he slips from my mind when I’m busy-I guess knowing he’ll be busy too makes me think he’ll have longer times where he doesn’t think of me either!
Did anyone else get scared when they started to not miss their ex as much? Or at least, stop holding on? I think I’ve reached that stage and it scares me a bit for some reason!
Yes, totally, it made me really sad. But the. The next question is: so what happens if you both get over each other? And the answer is: you go on to live a happy life and you’re not heart broken anymore. That said, I think I’ve said it before, but I think it takes a little longer for the breaker to feel any sadness because the first thing they feel is relief– THEN they go through the stages of grief… So you’re probably ahead of your ex on the recovery cycle, if that makes any sense…
That’s very true- I think I feel sad now, but not as sad-even though my love for him hasn’t disappeared if that makes sense!
I also feel like because I was the one doing most of the contacting/messaging to him and he was really bad at contact, not hearing from him isn’t too painful this time-maybe he will miss my contact to him?!! Who knows.
Oalmtrees, anymore news on your situ? Although you said tut stopped feeling sad about it, did that affect your thoughts on whether you want to gego back with your ex? And did he stop feeling sad as well? I’m really
Curious as to what happens at this stage-last time I got to this stage he still missed me, but this time it’s so soon for me (and I think it’s because I’ve lost hope that we will be together again)I think sadness and love are two different things. I think you can let go of sadness and stop missing somebody, but also still love them. I think in many cases the love only resurfaces when you get back in contact and see each other. It’s probably like a defence mechanism, where your brain stops making you suffer and helps you forget. Then when you see each other again, it all comes flooding back. I think our exes probably have this defence mechanism in overdrive right now. We obsess and overthink things, and try to remember the good things, where as they are trying extra hard to keep us out of their minds completely, and to stop missing us. It’s a completely different mindset. So they’re probably doing a lot better at avoiding thoughts about us and dwelling on the past. However, when you meet up again, I bet his defences will come way down and he won’t find it so easy.
Hey all,
I agree with you lin91, our exes are making an incredible afford to keep us out of their minds completely. If we are the ones to be dumped, they are the ones who wanted the break-up for peace and relief, it means they do not want us at the moment for any reason at all. They think about us and miss us I am sure, but they are focused on the negative aspects of the relationship, only with time they start to recall good memories.Amy,
I did stop feeling sad about it and kind of just accepted it… And that was right about the time I heard from him. As you know, getting back together is tough work though. The feelings are clearly still there on both ends but there’s distrust relating to the problems that existed in the previous relationship. For us, one problem was my overreaction to things. I feel in a much better space that enables me to express my concerns in a calmer manner. I’m taking a huge leap of faith and trying to lead by example. I think if I change it will help him bring his guard down a little but it’s going to take some time; meanwhile I’m trying to keep calm about the fact that he’s guarded. It’s a vicious cycle ?.
I’m going into such detail because I think it’s important for those of us who want to work things out to keep in mind that it’s WORK. Getting back isn’t like this big sigh of relief; it takes patience and vulnerability (neither of these are traits I come by naturally).
Such a good point Palmtrees! It’s a lot of work, and we can never forget that. That’s a hugely important part of no contact to, to work on yourself, and think about whether you actually want to put the work in to get your ex back.
Relationship is always a lot of work. We tend to take for granted that we are together with someone, the major concern is not to mess it up. It’s a constant challenge, you can’t really sit back and watch how it goes every day. Relationship is exactly like a plant, you need to take care of it if you want it to stay alive and healthy, and don’t forget that it evolves in time. Since it evolves, you have to keep the pace, you have to change aspects about yourself through it if it’s necessary.
That’s all so true, I completely agree with all of you!
I’ve reached the stage now where I’m starting to blame myself less, and think of the things he did. There’s still that burning worry that it was something I did or said, but at the same time I keep thinking well, if it was he should have mentioned it. It helps to think of the bad things he did and said to me-and I’m starting to realise that this break up maybe was for the best for the time being no matter how hard it is!
Yes I agree with Amy. Over time I don’t blame myself as much anymore. It’s never just one person’s fault. Whenever my ex comes across my mind it doesn’t make me want to start crying anymore. Yes I feel a little sad knowing we aren’t together but it is what it is.
The only time I feel that I really start to panic is when his name comes across on my social media and I get that urge to see what is going on, or I accidentally bump into him, which has not happened since the break up.
The other day I had another dream that we got back together and it just felt so real when I woke up, I’m happy I have forgotten about a good 98℅ of the dream but it hurts to have dreams like that.
I am getting over thoughts of him really quicker though. I don’t sit and dwell on how we aren’t together anymore like I used to. It is kind of scary when you start to not think of them anymore, like you guys were saying earlier. It just shows how much progress we have made though.
That’s really great Catherine, you’ve come so far. 🙂 You’ve accepted what’s happened and you need to give yourself credit for that! It may feel a little scary when he’s out of your mind, but that doesn’t mean he’s forgotten. If anything, it just brings you closer to being ready to reach out to him. Only when you are sure that you’ll be happy whatever he says to you should you contact him.
Social media is cruel, so don’t let how you react to it affect your impression of your progress, because everyone feels the stabbing pain or a stomach flip when their ex’s name comes up. It’s just your adrenaline kicking in, and the more times you decide not to click on his name and investigate, the easier it will become.
Ugh I have those kinda dreams as well, sometimes they’re good and sometimes they’re bad. They can really screw with your head!
I have a question for everyone about Facebook. (I know, hear me out!) Why hasn’t my ex deleted me? It seems like an obvious question but I don’t understand why he doesn’t just remove me or block me. I haven’t contacted him since the first contact, so the only reason I can think of is that he’s still working through things and he hasn’t totally given up on me. Is there any sense in that? Obviously, he could just not care, but he’s the kind of person that cuts people out of his life fairly ruthlessly, so if he did want to leave forever I think he would have cut his losses and ignore me. Would be great to get your opinions!
Lin92 I have the same with mine-he still has me on Facebook, snapchat etc, however think he has hidden me on Facebook chat as he is never online. I’m not sure why they keep us in there-I guess to check up on us/not completely get us out of their lives?
Also, songs that I love at the moment are “I’ll get over you” (can’t remember who it’s by!) and the new one by olly murrs 😛 does anyone else listen to music as a bit of an outlet?
I found that deleting my ex was really helpful. Even now that we are talking I have not re-added. I don’t want to know about his recently added friends or anything like that because I will immediately jump to some bad conclusions. He’s probably checking up on you, he also probably thinks it will come off like he’s hurt if he deletes you; but honestly, I think you’ll benefit from deleting him- who needs the anxiety
Yeah, I guess I just don’t want to come across petty? Or look like I’m doing it out of frustration or emotion, because that will make him think I’m unstable. I’ve unfollowed him so nothing pops up about him on my timeline. That’s not what I’m concerned about. I’m just wondering why he’d want me there at all. Probably the reasons you said!
I guess I prefer to remove myself of the temptation to even look, because I totally will. Unfortunately your ex probably hasn’t thought about it as much as you have, and I don’t think he’d think much about the defriending either. It’s pretty normal to remove someone off Facebook. Obviously at this point my ex knows I removed him. It didn’t deter him from trying to work things out and we haven’t talked about it. BUT if it’s a non-issue for you, keep him on, just try not to read too much into it if he keeps you OR removes you
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