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What have you been texting about? Are you generally having positive conversations or arguing? Does he usually initiate the conversation or is it you?
How long ago was it that you broke up the first time and got back together? Did he make any improvements with talking about his feelings during that time? Or do you think he is very much still the same now as he was way back then?
It’s hard for me to say, and no-one can really make that decision except you. I think you have to consider how all this is affecting you right now. If you are feeling like you’re in a better place now and you’ve done NC for a while, then there’s no hard in seeing how things go, especially if you’re talking and are on good terms. However, if he’s being resentful and mean to you a lot, or if he is just using you as a way to big up his ego, then I think you should try and move on.
Sometimes relationships are just not going to work, because one person simply refuses to change or accept that relationships need compromise. I think you’re doing really great with showing him how you are different, but you have to ask yourself, and answer honestly: has he changed? More importantly, would you be able to realistically have a good and healthy relationship if he hadn’t?
I agree with both of you, I knew you guys would say that it was immature of him to do that because that is exactly what I thought. I know it was meant for me to see becauee it would make no sense for it to be for everyone. We both have private accounts so there is no way he can see my stuff vice versa.
Palmtrees, I agree with Lin. It really is all up to you. If you feel better without him then just tell him you think you both should move on. But if you still feel a connection then just continue to play it slow.
It’s oddly normal. We talk about the things we would have talked about before and he isn’t mean at all, apologetic to start to be honest.
I haven’t asked to see him- it has only been a few days so I think I’ll continue to hold out another week or so. If he doesn’t want to see me I think that will answer my question for me. I’ve been a little unfair in the past for the sake of “guarding” myself from being hurt, only to end up pushing him away. So maybe I’m better off giving the benefit of the doubt this time around.
Thanks all for being a sounding board! Keeps me sane.
Palmtrees I think you should wait it out. Take it slow and if he wants to see you he can do the mature thing and contact. It’s good that he’s initiating contact etc though.
Catherine I would ignore it completely. I must admit, I know that my ex looks at the pictures I like AND posts I’ve put on face book. So I put up pics of me doing things, and must admit I’ve liked some cheesy quotes saying stuff like “if we wait now, we’ll be waiting our entire lives” and “flowers say I’m sorry, Chanel says I’ve learnt my lesson” Haha!! I don’t do that anymore but it was fun at the start :p
But social media is just a mind game, hate to say it but it’s true! So I would ignore him 😉
I’m on holiday tomorrow and am super excited. I am trying to not get too upset whilst I am there as am going with a friend, so fingers crossed will all work out okay.
I was going to ask-whathave people thought of contacting an ex on their birthday? My exa birthday is in a few weeks…
To be honest Palmtrees, you’re entitled to be a big stand-offish! If that pushes him away then he’s not worth your time. He should know you’re protecting yourself and he should accept that. If not then you can find someone awesome who will be better!
Have an amazing time Amy! I’m sure it’ll be the perfect distraction 🙂
In your case, I’m going to say not to contact him. There are some instances of tangential contact between the two of you that have kind of eroded the mystery to what you’re up to. I think you take this opportunity to surprise him. The guy knows you care about him, he expects you to text him–it’ll get him thinking about you when you don’t.
Don’t fool yourself into thinking it’s rude to keep to yourself on his bday, it’s not rude, it’s normal.
In the mean time, have a FANTASTIC vacation!! Being distracted will be a very good thing for you, the time will pass more quickly.
So the day is almost over and I have received no message from my ex wishing me a happy birthday. I’m pretty sure he has saw throughout the day all of the posts from friends to me wishing me a happy birthday. I have only thought about this twice though… today is 2 months without him. I don’t know how I feel about that. I miss him but it really hasn’t been on my mind at all today.
Happy birthday, Catherine! I’m so proud of you for not overthinking things today and not surprised about your ex given his Instagram post. Sounds a little like he’s expecting you to be the one to make the first move and like he feels he is owed an apology, it’s a little immature and you can certainly do better.
Thanks! With school starting up again I’m expecting for everything g to start getting better since I will finally be busy with somethinf 5 days a week.
I apologized to my ex when he broke up with me (it was kind of the desperate sorry) but I don’t really see why I need to apologize, he lied to me about the real reason he left, and I had to find out from his friend.
Yes it hurts knowing we may never have anything together again, but who knows maybe I I’ll meet someone. Time will tell.
Palmtrees, it is your birthday today too right?
Happy birthday catherine! I hope you had an awesome day 🙂
Honestly, it is his loss. I really believe that. You never know what will happen in the future, but I get the sense from you that you’re starting to come around to the idea that you deserve better. It still hurts, sure, but I get the impression that you’re starting to see that he is not the be all and end all of your happiness, and you will find someone who makes you 1000000x happier someday. That might be him when he grows up, who knows! But I’m happy that you’re feeling better about things 🙂Yes it was my birthday yesterday. I heard from him but it was the least I’d heard this all week… Probably because it’s kind of awkward when normally you would’ve celebrated together. Anyways, I went out with family and friends and we had a really great time. I feel similarly, a little lonely but pretty sure this isn’t going to work out so I might as well prepare myself for what’s next.
You’ll definitely find someone else and take what you learned from this into that relationship. If you’re in school than I assume you’re relatively young, which means the guys you are dating probably also have a lot of growing up to do. Do NOT worry about finding someone and enjoy school!
Happy birthday guys!! Glad you have had lovely days, I understand it’s super hard on big days but it will get better! 🙂
Catherine8 in school your mind will be super preoccupied. You’re young and sound lovely, and I’m sure if he doesn’t come back you will meet someone lovely!I must admit, I’m finding holiday really hard 🙁 don’t get me wrong it’s lovely here, but every holiday I’ve been on for the last 4 years has been with him 🙁 and I feel very sad and lonely even though I am with a friend.
I also forgot that I wasn’t going to post anything on social media about my holiday ? I uploaded a “snapchat story” and put a pic on insgbrM because it’s so beautiful here (I wasn’t tho king of him at all when I put it up)-and then this morning I saw that he had seen my snapchat stories, and had put a photo of his holiday on Instagram and Facebook! Even though he had been there for the past week already and there hS been nothing since 🙁
Why do you think he is doing this? Communication in some awkward way? Competition? I just don’t know. But I’m not going to post Anhmore up for the rest of the week now. Get him wondering 🙂
That sounds hard! But try to ignore the bad feelings. Try and focus on all the fun things you and your friend are doing that you and your ex probably wouldn’t have done. I imagine you’re doing some different activities to what you and your ex wold have done, so focus on how much fun you’re having and how free you are! You have nobody to answer to – own it. 🙂
To be honest the answer is probably none of the above. It’s so easy to get sucked into social media, but if I’m honest he probably just uploaded a picture because.. well.. he wanted to upload a picture. I doubt it’s for your benefit. And obsessing over it is going to make you feel crappy. Unfollow him on insta and on Facebook. You can stay friends but his posts won’t pop up unexpectedly anymore. It helps, trust me! And you can always reverse it.
There’s nothing wrong with posting pictures, especially if you’ve done something really cool. But maybe stick to Instagram and keep them really vague? Pictures of scenes with non-descriptive captions, like just an emoji, and maybe pictures of drinks or animals or whatever. Try not to post any of yourself. This will probably make him wonder what you’re up to. 🙂
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