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It does help when one is able to get themselves into a little stronger place. That’s why it’s important to focus on yourself during no contact, to be better prepared for things to come. I’m glad to hear that he reached out and u had a good interaction pAlmtree. And that u are trying to stay level about it ….. It’s hard not to get ahead of yourself. Did it sound like more interaction to come?
Amy, I think your lucky your ex is gone for an extended trip. It will allow u the time to move forward and ease your mind as there will be little to no information u can get about your ex. As long as you have blocked him on social media of course (I hope u have, best thing I did). I think that will be huge for u, as your still seeking out any tid bit of information u can get. Which is normal, we all have done it at some point. It just makes it harder to move forward and not drive yourself crazy with negative thoughts unfortunately.
He has actually been contacting me non stop. It’s a little strange,
I’m not sure what to make of it after all we’ve been through. I’m just going to let him take the lead. I don’t think I’ll be happy if I’m the one rushing things; plus, I’m a little scared. I realize there’s a “friend zone” possibility here too, I don’t really want to end up there, that will hurt more than silence.How are things going for you Soupy? Any updates?
Well that’s good to hear. And I can totally understand your fears. Just keep following his lead, and maybe don’t be too easy or quick to reciprocate at times. It’s a tricky dance we play sometimes.
As for me, I don’t have any real updates. I wished her daughter a happy birthday on her aunts picture. Which I’m happy I did, made me feel good. I didn’t get a response, but I didn’t expect one either. But I know her daughter and my ex will appreciate it. My ex posted a happy birthday/goodbye post to her daughter and how much she was going to miss her. Which I found it weird as her daughter doesn’t have Facebook(she tagged her sister in it so I seen it). But It really hit my heart strings, as I could tell how hard it is for her. And just made me want to be there for her …… But that’s not my place so I’m trying to continue my path until she asks. It’s been difficult in that sense though, and I do wonder if I should reach out before she leaves (ten days) with a little msg, possibly when she comes home (3 weeks) or just let it be and see if she will at some point. That’s where I’m at with everything. Thanks for asking.
Palmtrees thats great – well done! I agree, dont rush into things and take your time with it all. Allow him to do the chasing, as in the long run it will be extremely beneficial for you.
And soupy, I think nearer the day yhou should worry about reaching out for her. To be honest, I probably wouldnt….but it is up to you entirely. I think longer than 30 days is actually better in my experience – 30 days int he grand scheme of ‘life’ as such isnt very long, and I don’t believe it takes that long to properly feel the effects of missing someone. But thats just my opinion.
Also i just wanted to say, thank you so much everyone. I realise the past few days I have found it super hard, and have vented on here a lot and everybody has been so supportive and helpful, and tbh I never thought I would use one of these forums (its my secret support that no-one knows about!) but you are all soo helpful I literally cannot thank you all enough! (and send virtual luck towards you all every day!)
That’s really got to be your call. Youre the only one who knows if she will find that an annoyance or not. She did ask you to stay away, which is where my concern comes from. She knows you’re there, the indirect contact through the aunt indicates that; I don’t think you need to reach out to her directly to let her know you care.
Your right palmtree and I know I don’t need to reach out to let her know I’m here for her, she knows already. I don’t want to see her hurt, so It creates the consistant thought running through my mind about doing something to try and help, that’s all. Even though I know it’s best not to, still hard to not think about it. But with each passing day it has gotten better, thankfully.
She never did say to let her be or leave her alone. Probably would be easier if she had, to be honest. I decided that it may be best considering the confusion her actuons possibly suggested. And with the situation of her daughter leaving. I didn’t want to add anymore possible stress. She has enough to worry about. To which I think is the best course of action. Just hard not to secound guess yourself sometimes….. Most times. LolThanks Amy, also some good advice. And don’t hesitate to vent, u remind me a lot of myself right after my break up. And the best medicine was to let it out and get opinions from others.
Kiya – any more contact or updates?
Catherine and Lin – how are u two doing?
Yes, that’s good advice. She knows where you are if she needs you Soupy!
Agreed, it’s so good to vent here 🙂
Not much to report my end. I’m in a similar boat to you Soupy in a weird way, because I know my ex is going through a lot. I want to be there for him but he has pushed me away. I just have to be there if and when he needs me. It’s sad because I’ve been there for him through so much 🙁
I’m going to reach out to him in a while, when the bad memories have faded a bit more. Amy is right, 30 days isn’t that long at all.
I found when it got to 30 days, it was almost like a mini competition for myself-like every day I didn’t I felt like I was winning a little bit! In the end, when it got to 3 months I felt really really good and felt so confident to make contact-he actually was worse off than me and said he didn’t know whether to reply or not!! So i tend to treat NC as a personal mini challenge that just feel so rewarding after day 30 it kind of gets carried away hehe.
Lin,
How long has it been? You’re totally right about the 30 day thing… Once you get going time stars flying by. Will you respond if he contacts you?
Sounds like you’re doing pretty well! I definitely have been using this as my outlet, which has stopped me from initiating contact
Hi guys, so I saw my ex comment on his friends picture on Instagram. Out of curiosity I decided to click on his name and I have been unblocked but his bio says “Never love somebody that treats you like you’re ordinary.” and I know that was directed at me because our relationship was one sided.
It kind of hurts me to see he put that on there and I just wish he would actually miss me or have texted me throughout all of these days.
Ah Catherine try not to worry about that. Loads of people use social media as a means to get their anger and resentment out. I’ve thought about doing it multiple times – I’m just mature enough not to! It doesn’t mean anything. He will change it soon enough.
He knows you’re looking and he obviously wants you to see it. That shows he cares for one reason or another. Hold onto that?
Palmtrees, I started NC at the beginning of June and I did just over 30 days. I sent him a message after that to which he responded twice. He only replies when he’s drunk so far though. He’s said a few weird things in the messages so I’m leaving it for a while.
I think I’m only going to respond if I get a sober message. The way he’s contacted me so far just tells me that he’s still angry about something, so it’s no good trying to talk to him yet.
I’m doing okay. Mostly I’m just used to not having him anymore and I’m trying to move on. I still love him but I know that there’s not much I can do to get him back, he has to work through things himself and reach out to me once he’s figured things out.
Catherine,
Lin is completely right. He’s trying to get to you and definitely cares in some fashion (albeit kind of an immature one). I can’t remember how old he is, but that would have turned me off because an adult man should not be acting like that. This says so much more about him than it does about you.
Lin,
You mentioned that the messages were weird before, and I’m not sure I fully understand what that means- but in any case, you are smart to not respond. It sounds like you are past the trying to win him back phase and I wish I could say the same for myself, good job! I think the hardest part of moving on is realizing it’s time to move on.
I just meant that they were sent in the very early hours of the morning and he was quite clearly drunk or on something. There were a lot of mixed messages in them, and I’m trying not to read too much into it because I don’t really want to give any value to them. He jumped around from being mean, to blaming me for not accepting him, to saying he was wrong for me, to then saying he was not right in the head… a load of stuff. He’s utterly confused at the minute and I wish him well. If he wants to lash out that’s fine but I won’t accept it forever.
I’m past the winning him back stage in the sense that I know I can’t. I’ve accepted that our old relationship is dead. If we were to ever get back together we would both have to act differently and it would have to be a totally new relationship. It’s not impossible, but it’s easier now to accept that it might not happen.
I get where you’re coming from and I think you’re smart. You seem to give good advice so I have to ask your opinion. My ex has been texting a lot. He also has kind of made a point of telling me about how he does certain things alone (I don’t even come close to asking because in scared to hear the response). As I’ve said, we’ve broken up at gotten back before. When we did, I got kind of freaked bc he hadnt clearly stated his feelings (not really his MO) and ended up ruining it bc I couldn’t handle not knowing where things stand. This time, I am doing a better job at playing it cool and calming myself down- trying to show him that I’ve changed… But I’m still very, very scared. Do you think I should keep it going and see where it goes or am I better off telling him it’s too much and trying to move on for good
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