17 days NC

It’s great to see such a supporting thread. Considering everyone is here for the same reasons. I seem to relate to each of u a bit, A few comments if I may….

Amy111, I too have stewed over reasoning for my break up and wondered. I don’t think u will get anymore of a straight answer now as u did then. I was able to question my ex, and well she seemed as confused 2 months later as she did when we broke up (long back storey) ….. And unfortunately just fed me a lot more weak excuses to dwell on that had no real plausible reasoning in the end. So it didn’t help me or our situation to question her about it, and put her on the spot. I should have just let it be, since it just created more questions. But it is hard not to dwell on reasons that just don’t add up, I know.

Kiya, I can tell u he is not happy. Sure he seems like it at times, but u guys spent too much time together to just forget and move on to instant happiness. My ex has a pattern of apparently having to see me when she thinks she is happy and over everything(about a month of NC). She comes and is all happy go lucky and we visit, she is inquisitive and very talkative and it’s like we’re good friends as she leaves. I act the same as I always do. And then she changes after and avoids me, starts acting weird and closed of once again (I don’t push or initate much contact after, so I’m not pushing her). I believe my ex gets to a point where she convinced herself she is happy, has moved on and then seeing and talking to me just blows that notion up. So in your case I am a firm believer if he is avoiding seeing u, it’s not because he has moved on and is happy. It wouldn’t be an issue for any one if they have moved on and didn’t care anymore. But rather the opposite. I think u going n/c would be beneficial to both of u.

Just a few thoughts.

Soupy – thanks, that is very true! If you don’t mind me asking, from a boys point of view, my ex told me he needed to grow up and the only way to do that was without me ad to experience other people – he is also going travelling for 8 weeks, and doesn’t want to speak to me for at least 3 months – i was going t wait 4 and a half months, but do you think in that time plus him travelling, he would still remember me? its my biggest fear that he will be able to move on really easily – apparently he spoke to a friend the day after he broke up with me and said how “its a shame, but its better for us in the long run, I’m going to let it cool off for a while and then hopefully we can be good friends” – the good friends part got me really worried! :'(

Hi soupy and welcome 🙂 Thanks for your insight, that’s really interesting to hear from a guy’s point of view.

Great idea about the goals. Not sure what mine could be… I wanted to start kickboxing again so maybe I’ll look for a class near work and sign up!

Kiya – hope that goes okay… why does he want to stop by? Hope you get some answers!

Amy – of course he will remember you! he will never forget about you. Also, it is unlikely that he would admit to a mutual friend of yours that he wants you to wait around for him! That would make him look like a dick. He’s saying that he wants to be friends because he doesn’t want to be seen as someone who wants his cake and eats it too.

Amy,
I am not going to lie to you, he is probably going to be very distracted and having a lot of fun over the next eight weeks. However, when he gets back I have a feeling that your absence is going to hit him like a ton of bricks. While traveling is a helpful way to feel good about yourself it also takes you away from reality and when you get back and something is off… The feeling is not great. However, I urge you not to be read it available upon his return– as difficult as that is.

Kiya,

Glad to hear he has changed things up; I’m sure that encourages everyone else as well. Funny how after you get pur through so much crap you’re not even sure you still want the things you used to… In past break ups I’ve been the same. My last ex proposed at one point ?? keep us posted on what you decide

That feeling is totally understandable but I think it’s unlikely. I have a theory that break ups take a little while longer to affect guys; and maybe Soupy can speak to this. But at first breaking up seems bright and shiny and then after the first few weeks on their own, they realize they miss the companionship and the grass isn’t really greener. My question for you (and myself honestly) is if he comes back, do you really want someone who had to abandon you to figure out your worth?

That’s true guys! I will forget about it and work on myself 🙂 I’m still worrying about whether there was a “real” reason for breaking up with me that he’s not telling me but I guess I’ll find that out in time.

soupy what is your story?

I think you’re right Soupy, it takes a while for them to see what’s happened and to really process everything. My ex still has a hell of a lot of negative emotions around our breakup. I did NC for just over 30 days and sent him a message apologising and saying that we need space etc (everything that Kevin suggests you put in the letter), and his response was pretty nasty. He basically took it as another opportunity to attack me even though it was probably the most diplomatic message I’ve sent in my life! So I think the amount of time NC should be varies greatly.

I think Amy and I are in the same boat in that we don’t really know the real reasons behind the break up and its so frustrating. It’s just something you have to let go, which is super hard! If you enter into a new relationship with them eventually, you cannot dwell on the past. Gotta let it go yourself for your own sanity.