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Hey guys,
Amy, why did he have trust issues with you anyway? You say you were a very chill girlfriend, so why was he so paranoid? Was he hurt be someone before you? Not gonna lie, after being with you for so long and having so many memories together, breaking up because of a paranoid thought is a VERY odd reason. Even weirder is that he didn’t talk to you about it at all until after the breakup?! That makes absolutely no sense to me.
You know him best, so maybe it’s because he never got over something in his past and he never trusted you because of it. Sounds like something only he can sort out!
Kiya, I think you need to cut ties with his mum too 🙁 hard I know. But if you’re doing NC then I think that means NC with everything that reminds you of him and she is included in that. You can always contact her after it’s over. I really think you should delete his number like the others said though! It’s too tempting otherwise.
Yeh 🙁 I didn’t understand it at all! I think what’s making me worry is because the Saturday before he broke up with me, I was looking up a surprise cake on his laptop to make-i did it whilst he was out the room so he wouldn’t know as I wanted it to be a proper surprise, and I took a pic of the ingredients I needed to pick up on my phone. Then I made sure I clicked off the tab so he couldn’t see the cake website and left it how it was! Maybe he looked on history after I left saw something had been deleted, got paranoid and then ran away?! I just don’t understand 🙁 but I told my mum that and she said that is very far fetched and I’m thinking way too into things-and that it is only because he had his commitment issues :/
What do you guys think? I too am thinking its a bit far fetched but I guess a small part of em thinks oh god what if he did think way into it and did see I had been on?!!Amy,
I think asking him if there is another reason when he gave you a reason will make it look like you definitely don’t trust him. Even if you’re right, pressing the issue will make him defend his position more. That said (you probably don’t want to hear this yet, but I want you to know) there ARE plenty of guys out there that would have an open and honest conversation with you about their concerns in the relationship and wouldn’t leave you agonizing. Maybe you will find one of these people in the interim time. Or maybe he will see the error of his ways. Either way, time can heal all of this, but you need to help it by trying to redirect your energy (which is tough. I am certainly struggling with it)
Kiya,
I think you’re hurting your chances of him reaching out by keeping in contact with his mom. She is likely giving him updates about you so he doesn’t even have to wonder where you went when you go no contact. Is there a way you can gently ask her to stop reaching out as well?Even if that is the case (and I agree with your mum that it is unlikely!) he should have spoken to you about it.
The fact he would rather run away than mention it to you is unbelievably immature. I have no idea why he would rather do that.
Honestly it just sounds like he has something to hide.
Yeah 🙁 that’s very, very true 🙁 maybe he does just need to mature and grow up a bit then! Because other than looking up a cake and deleting the cake history, I haven’t done anything wrong (awkward confession I brought the cake along to our walk when he dumped me, and when he drove off I sat in the car and ate half ??” I guess I’m just blaming myself and worried that I did something 🙁
That’s true, I feel like that as well palmtrees22. Keeping myself occupied is so hard! I’m trying to train for a marathon in October but it’s super difficult at the moment as I’ve lost all motivation 🙁 just spent the evening in London with a friend though which has been really nice.
How are you guys keeping yourselves occupied?Well I don’t blame you! I would have eaten the whole thing!
The self blame is so awful but it will stop. I blamed myself for so much, and it still comes in waves, but I’ve also realised that he’s just as much to blame.In the message he sent me he didn’t apologise once, he just took my apology as another opportunity to attack me and make me feel worse. Some men are wonderful manipulators, and they can make you feel guilty without even saying anything.
Our minds work that way too, like we’re trying to work out how this could have happened. Logic shouldn’t come into it. It is not all your fault! In fact, this would have happened even if you hadn’t looked up the cake. It would have happened anyway because ultimately it wasn’t about you. It’s his issues that he hasn’t dealt with.
Oh where did you go in London? I live and work here! We should meet up ?
Marathon training sounds like a great way to occupy yourself. I’m sure you’ll get the impetus back to train again. I’ve started spinning which is good! Gym classes are usually fun. I’ve also gone on a few dates which are great distractions.
Amy,
I’m training for a run in September! It’s a high elevation trail run. Kind of bitter sweet because we had definitely made plans to do a week of camping and hiking before hand but now I am going with my parents and really, how many opportunities am I going to get to hang alone with my parents in my adult life? I’ve also started doing Pilates, which I love because learning the posture for the movements takes ALL my focus for the whole hour, it’s a great way to start the day! It’s also good because like you Amy, I was really struggling to force myself To work out because I was keeping myself up late at night.
Work is also good, I’m at kind of a crucial point in my career and was a terrible employee for a few months while I was distracted agonizing. Now it’s my distraction from agonizing.
That’s very true-ok that’s made me feel a bit better! I think I’m just thinking of the butterfly effect you know? Like what would have happened if I hadn’t have looked at the cake? Would this have happened? Think it’s something I’m going to have to brush over because I’ll drive myself crazy thinking that it was me and that I drove him away somehow 🙁
Yeah! That’s a good idea. I’m just going to keep myself doing sports etx, especially whilst he’s travelling .And awesome! I visited a friend in battersea and looked around Sloane Square ??
I am needing some encouragement to not reach out today. I really feel hopeless the longer time goes and I don’t know anything about his life. I know he is out dating other people (so am I) and I know it is not that easy to find someone you connect with (before me, he hadn’t had a relationship extending beyond a few weeks for five years) but there’s always that chance. I also know he’s filling his time with a girl he’s not super into from his past. I say he’s not super into her because she’s always just kind of been an option but he never dated her. Even though I know his feelings for her are probably not very strong, it kills me to think he’s not missing me anymore.
Everyone thinks the same thing. We all think that our exes don’t miss us but they will at some point. I think when they start dating other people they could compare them to us. After being with someone for a long time it’s hard to forget them. When I went out with a guy for the first time after my break up it was the most strangest thing ever.
After being with my ex for a while, all I knew was him. So when I was out with the other guy it just felt really different because he wasnt my ex.
They could think the same thing about us but no one knows. Just try and stay in the NC to show you have the control! It is possible and he could even just message you in 10 days and say he misses you. Anything can happen.
I agree with catherine8, we are all in the same boat. But all feeling the same way-we are all dreading the thought of our exes meeting other people-heck, the thought of mine sleeping with someone else whilst he’s travelling (basically the reason he broke up with me!) makes me feel so sick 🙁 but we’ve just got to hope that they loved and cared for us enough that one person they go out with or meet or do whatever is, isn’t us-and that it makes our exes realise what they gave up In us!
Agree with all of the above!
No matter how great someone is they meet, no matter how attractive…they will not make them feel the way you did. When you’re with someone a long time you share intimate moments and hidden parts of yourself (that sounds dirty but it’s not meant to!) – there’s no way that anyone they meet so soon after a relationship ends will be anything special because they will be trying to find YOU in them.
Even if they sleep with them, it’s just filling a void.
(I did it again :|)So try to hold onto that!!
Have you all noticed how we’re great at giving out advice but are terrible at following it ourselves…?
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