No Contact rule will ex move on?

[Hiken2]

Hi. I went through a breakup two days ago and we were together for 3.5 years. I really love her and I cant stand living a day without her. I cried for two days and I couldnt sleep. Whenever I close my eyes and try to sleep I dream of her still together with me. I’m trying this no contact rule out to try to get my ex back. There are somethings I dont understand.

1. What if they completely moved on and dont need you anymore?
2. What if she doesnt miss me even after NC? (she got other friends and are making new ones almost every week because shes in a sorority)
3. What if I’m confident that I changed but she doesnt see it or believe it?

I went through 4 break ups with her over the the 3.5 years but after each break up our relationship grows stronger than ever. But this time she said she wants to focus on herself and getting out there and have fun. She also told me that she feels guilty getting close to other guys. She feels guilty hugging, taking pictures, and receiving presents from them. I had no idea she felt guilty abt those because she never told me and I wasnt jealous or anything. I talked to her the next day after the break up and we stayed friends. But now shes replying my msgs with only one or a few words. I feel so heart broken. I want to be more than friends. So im trying out this NC method.

[Hiken2]

help pls

[AGuyWhoMissesHer]

Hello my friend,

Can you shed some more light on this. You mention that you have broken up a few times before this. Why has this happened so often? What makes you think this time is different? How old are you? What is your situation?

I’ll try to answer your questions to the best of my ability.

1. Your relationship lasted 3.5 years, unless you did something absolutely catastrophic she wont be able to move on that fast. Its important to understand that No Contact is primarily so you can focus on YOU. You spend this time to detox and take a step back, work on improving yourself so when you are ready to try to get her back you can really wow her with all the positive changes you have made. I know that might sound a little harsh right now. I was in your shoes at one point my friend. The secondary objective of no contact is to make them miss you. I don’t really know the circumstances of the breakup but I think if your relationship did really mean something to her, starving communication with you will probably make her miss you. It takes a LONG time to truly move on from somebody. Your main goal with this strat is to focus on yourself. You have a plan, try to stick to it.

2.Again, if your relationship did mean something to her, she probably will miss you. She will probably make new friends and do things to fill the void that you left, but understand that that is what she is doing. She’ll probably realize that eventually some day. I think its a bit weird that she says she feels guilty about hugging and hanging out with other guys. But then why would she break up with you? I think eventually she’ll realize that the other guys she’s hanging out with probably aren’t as good as you, especially when you come back out of nowhere as an improved person.

3. If you are truly a confident and improved person after no contact, she will see it. I don’t like to say the word “changed” when it comes to no contact. You don’t want to change for your ex. You want to improve. You want to go back to being the person that she fell in love with that long time ago. I did the 30 days no contact. It was really tough honestly but afterwards you wind up feeling so much better. Honestly, if no contact is done properly, you shouldn’t really care if your ex believes you have improved, because you’ll feel like you have. And that will really show through. If after the 30 days you don’t feel like you’ve improved, then take a little more time to yourself. This is a great opportunity to do some soul searching and figure out what you really want. Some people after the 30 days, decide that they don’t actually want their ex back. Some people do. But you should take this time to decide what you want. Maybe you decide you want her back, if so I wish you the best of luck my friend.

Hope this helps somewhat.

[Hiken2]

Thank you for your reply. We’ve broken up a few times before because she was stressed about school so she wants to focus on that. But I already know she is not gonna devote all her time to study because I know her well. Another time is when we got mad at each other for puny tiny things and then we stopped talking and she met this other dude that confessed to her. She liked him but she failed to see that he is a bad person. After she got back with me, the guy immediately got a girlfriend. She finally realized he wasnt a good person. Third time we broke up is because she got tired of my childish personality. I just wanted to be playful but it ended up annoying her. I am 19 years old turning 20 and she just turned 18. I think this time is going to be different because we overcame most of our problems together and this time she broke up with me without talking to me. She never told me what was wrong in her life and whats causing her trouble. She didnt give me a chance to help her and fix things.

Another thing I’m worried about is that she is in a sorority right now so shes meeting a lot of new people.. a lot of guys.. she recently got two guy “favs” meaning favorites from the brotherhood fraternity. She’s been talking to one fav a lot and I feel like hes trying to flirt with her. Saying stuff like “Oh youre my one and only fav” but he actually got other girl favs. He is the one that my ex took pictures with and gave her presents. One night at a party, my ex got drunk and passed out and this “fav” took care of her. I think she even laid on him while she was knocked out. Ever since then theyve been texting a lot. So right now im afraid she broke up with me to get with him… Just earlier I saw her snapchat story of her leaning on his shoulders and taking pictures with him behind her. I dont know if shes sitting on his lap or hes hugging her from behind or theyre just standing. My ex isnt the type of person to text, msg, or call anyone. So she wouldnt never make first contact with me after NC. I feel like she isnt going to miss me either because shes having so much fun going out and meeting new people.. and IF SHE DOES has a crush on her fav then I’m afraid I wouldnt matter to her anymore… Please give me more advice on this.

[patricia12]

@Hiken2 – I saw your other thread and I’m sorry to hear your story. You were both very young when you started a relationship, so she hasn’t really had a good chance to experience life as a young single lady and that’s exactly what she wants to do now. The proof that you were both immature and not ready to handle a serious relationship is the fact that you two broke up four times in only 3.5 years. No contact is for you to work on self improvements. A childish personality is maybe one thing to consider improving. She’s now experiencing new and exciting times, but she will probably miss you sometimes because of the length of time you were together. And hopefully there were more good memories than bad. The only thing you can do is wait it out because you can’t get her back by begging and pleading. She is coming of age and has to learn lessons and the realities of life by making her own decisions, even if that includes mistakes she might later regret. If you continue to message her, there’s a high probability that she will become more and more annoyed with you. As difficult as it will be for you, you have to let her be free. There may come a day when she considers getting back with you, but in the meantime, focus on yourself and do the things you enjoy. Wishing you the best..

[Hiken2]

There were definitely more good times than bad. Our relationship isnt immature. In fact, our relationship was very serious and we were kind of in a grown-up like relationship. I also thought about what you said on her wanting to experience life as a young single lady and making decisions that she will regret later on. But she is very vulnerable and gullible. Therefore that makes her an easy target to take advantage on. She is also very trusting even though she just met them. I’m just afraid that a lot of people are going to take advantage of her and get her to have unprotected sex. Since we’ve had multiple times of unprotected sex. But I can pull out at the right time and I’m 90% sure other people cant or will fail to do so and end up getting her pregnant or infected with AIDS. I dont want her to experience all that like what most of young single ladies experience now days. It will be too late for her to regret everything. You guys might say I’m selfish or couldn’t let go of her because I feel bad if I let her go she’ll end up doing dangerous stuff but I can tell you straight up right now. No. I truly love and care about her. That is why I want to protect her. But I dont know what I can do now.. Please give me more advice on what I should/can do.

[Author]

Posts