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To cut it short i’ve done the nc and i managed to get back in contact with my ex (with drama included if you read my main post) and we’ve been texting and calling each other for 6 days straight. i asked her if she wanted to meet up and she said yes and wednesday she told me she thought it was a bad idea as she doesn’t know what she wants but she can’t just remain friends with me. So i told her the offer is still there. Yesterday we had a phone call and things were going great she even told me how she missed playing videogames with me at my house and everything. She told me straight she missed me. Then some how i asked her about friday by accident as we were talking about coffee and she was like i’ve never had pumpkin spice latte and i stupidly said we can get one friday but i forgot that she wasn’t sure about it. and she told me to stop as i’ve explained about friday. So we ended up arguing some how about who we’ve both been talking to and the fact we both care and are jealous of the people we speak to. she told me she stop contacting this one guy and blocked him on everything and she asked about the date i had etc. Anyway we were on the phone for like 2 hours talking. she told me she didn’t know where this was heading and the fact she’s scared to meet up as she has feelings but she doesn’t want it to end up like the times before where we’ve met then got into a relationship a few days later only to break up a couple months down the line. she also said she already felt like she was in routine by talking everyday and she said she didn’t want the whole routine. she suggested we stop talking all together and i told her i didn’t want that but if she wanted to do that she could. Anyway we both agreed we didn’t want to cut contact with each other and we both don’t want to fall back into old routine and habbits so we suggested we don’t speak for a while BUT I DON’T WANT THAT. we agreed that we should just ride the wave and see what happens. basically leave it to faith. basically she doesn’t know if she wants to get back into a relationship or not and she doesn’t want to give the wrong impressions. I feel like i’m losing her all over again! She was so keen to meet then suddenly changed her mind! It seems like she wants me but doesn’t at the same time. it seems as if she is scared we will just fall back into that same routine and not last again and i don’t want that. I want her back. things have changed but i feel like i can’t even show her that. she means the world to me. it will be 2 months in 2-3 weeks time since we broke up. I feel like hope is fading. Any suggestions on what i can do!? I feel as if she still has feelings for me but is petrified of it happening all over again. I miss her dearly.
She asked for no contact for awhile. Contacting each other every day would be falling back into a routine, right? And that’s what you’re trying to avoid. Respect her request for space or you’ll continue to push her away even further!!
Sorry she changed her mind about meeting, but she’s just not ready yet. Yes, she’s petrified of the routines happening again! Maybe way too much time spent at your place or hers playing video games. I know you both like video games, but playing too much and nothing else can get boring. Maybe she wanted to go out on fun dates more often. In the future, try not to argue about other people to each other showing too much jealousy. Arguments and jealousy are relationship killers.
I know you miss her, but PLEASE be more patient.. Best wishes for you both.
Hey ironblood, I read a lot about your story and I just want to let you know that you’re not alone with it.
Like Patricia said, dont rush things, it will only make you fall back into what she doesn’t like and she’ll see you desperate.
Remember, you’re cool with the situation, be cool like Fonzie, just let her know it’s okay and you understand and I would suggest a new NC period, you need it, you deserve to be fine and it will get better.Don’t worry, I’m here to talk if you need it.
I will be happy to read you soon š
Thank you so much again patricia12, i’ve missed hearing from you. You are right as are you improvinglemon! Thank you so much aswell! I feel as if we rushed into contact and every day speaking on the phone is falling into routine again. However although i’ve said this before, this time it’s different. This time I really have broke this cycle but calling everyday was hinting that it hasn’t changed which maybe scared her off. Ideally I don’t want to do nc all over again but I will have to as I have no choice at the moment. I will stay cool and I did let her know yesterday that i was fine with it. Infact I suggested we don’t completely cut contact but just see how things are after a while and she completely agreed. she said she wants to go with the “flow” or “tide” lol.
Thank you yet again, How you guys are coping and handling your situations? I would love to help or atleast try.
It’s really hitting me hard today. I know she’s gone out with her friend for her late birthday gift. I just miss her. The fact she says she misses me and talks to me then vanishes when we speak. Then comes back a month later even more keen and even tells me she misses things and that she hates this. It’s killing me. I did nc for 3 weeks and she ended up speaking to me. I did nc for a month and she messaged me a good 4-5 times on different social media accounts telling me she missed me and she would like to talk and now that we spoke for 6 days straight phone calls. We laughed and joked it felt like we were still together. We both care and get jelous. I just feel like she’s using me as an emotional crutch when she gets lonley she speaks then vanishes. I just don’t know. I’m just venting at the moment as it helps. I wrote a couple things in a journel in order for me to stop myself from contacting her. I was thinking of maybe actually sending her a letter at a later date.
I wrote this. Sorry for the excessive explicit language I wrote it “in the moment” but i wanted to keep it as raw and real as possible. I’m not going to send it but i may consider it (after some editing of course) at a later date. What do you think?
“I’m sick of biting my toung and holding shit back
I just want to be real raw with you
I want to let it out
I want to be my self again towards you
The real me
Not this beat around the bush fake shit
I still love you
I still have feelings for you
I still care for you
You still mean alot to me
We may have fucked up in the past and historyĀ repeated it’s self
You’re right
That’s why I can understand it’s hard for you
It’s hard for you to trust me
It’s hard for you to keep letting your self get hurt
Not only that it seems like you’re not even on your feet
Maybe you’re not ready
Maybe you’re holding back
All i know is the biggest regret I have is losing you
I know you are scared about this “routine”
You feel trapped in a cycle and you want to get out
I understand that
You feel like you can’t seem to move forward
Like I’m still there with you
Like you can’t just simply pick up a hobby
You can’t do new things as I’m in your mind
I understand that
You feel like if we get back together
It’s only going to end the same way
And near enough the same day
I understand that
The fact I’m out the cycle I see outside the box
I don’t see that happening again
I hate the fact we can’t stop fighting
But the real frustration is that we can
And we can change
And we have changed
And it takes two people to do so
And I know you seem like you haven’t got the energy
Maybe you just don’t want to
Maybe you do but looking back you see things as if we’re already making the same mistakes
Maybe you’re so focused on the past that you can’t see a different future
But i can
We don’t have to keep making the same mistakes
We don’t have to force things
It’s quite clear we both share mutual feelings
Mutual hopes on the future
That’s why I can’t let go of something so beautiful that we shared together
I can’t let that go on terms due to us feeling a certain way and doing things wrong
Then throwing it in the back of our minds and hiding it like it doesn’t exist
It’s the elephant in the room
And we CAN do things right
I can’t prove it to you unless you’re willing to take the risk
Lifes full of risks
Lifes all about taking risks
I see through the bullshit now
And I’m sick of the bullshit
I’m sick of the games
I want us to be happy
Fuck the drama
Fuck the shit that’s holding us back
Fuck whoever is in between us
I want things to be resolved where we both walk away happy
I want us to be smiling so much it hurts
I’m sick of being down
I feel like there is no point being upset or living in regret
We have the power to change things
Things have changed
And we can move forward
I just want to move forward with you
Not against you
I want you to see that
I don’t want to feel as if we’re moving closer together
Then suddenly the tide hits us
Then we’re back to square one
I want us to get off that pageĀ
Infact i want a different book entirely
It’s not as complicated as it seems
I want to give you all the space you need
I don’t want to force things
I don’t want to force you
I still want you in my life
I miss you”Hes Ironblood,
It’s not easy, right ?
Well, writing will help you a lot, and if it’s help you to get out all that anger, do it, it’ll only help you to be more relieved and not being aggressive or having a bad attitude with her ; but trust me I totally understand you because I live more or less the same situation.
I can only give you an advice, it’s to sort of “move on”, without moving on and don’t obsess about her ; she went out with a friend, so ? Good for her, believe me, she doesn’t forget you. You both spoke again, it didn’t work the first time, but it doesn’t mean it won’t work, learn from the mistakes that happened for the next time.
Try to be happy and it’ll be fine ; it’s hard to say but maybe you need to be away from her because it’s not good for you to stay angry like that.
One day, it’ll be all over and good, wether you’re back together or not, trust me.
Yeah improvinglemon it’s very hard. I may have worded it wrong but I don’t care if she goes out It was just that she was very close to where I live so it just hurt how close she was and the fact we were going to meet yesterday.
We’ve spoken two times over a couple days since we broke up. She doesn’t know what she wants and tells me she doesn’t want to give the wrong impressions but at the same time shows jealousy, she misses me, and even wanted to see me until she backed out last minute as she doesn’t want a repeat of times before where we meet and end up together only to break up months down the line. I really want to show her it’s different this time cause it is. We’ve both changed and our lifestyles are now very different. I’ve started university and she’s at a full time job. Infact the other day she was complaining to me how she hated her job and that she was looking for a new one. The point is we don’t have as much free time where we spent it with each other doing boring repetitive routines which eventually killed our relationship. I see through all the mistakes we’ve both made. But i don’t know how to show it her. I guess i can’t. What did you think of the paragraph i wrote btw? And i’ll take a look at your posts. Thanks very much again!
Hey,
What you wrote is really deep and meaningful and I can feel what you mean behind each words but what I try to tell is that you should try to let go a little, you’re a good person and you deserve to be happy. Please don’t get upset, I don’t tell you to give up but you need to be good with yourself before getting her back, hell, you deserve to be happy, you’re a good person, otherwise you would have moved on and be with another girl already.
Remember that words don’t really matter to women, it’s more the acts, they aren’t logical like men and it hurts a lot (my ex broke up with me because she felt we took different roads but wanted to stay friends because we go well together, I still don’t understand if you want to know xD), women don’t perceive morals and honor like men and it’s hard to understand them…
Sometimes it takes also a little miracle, but they happen, believe me.Take a step back, take things slow and it’ll be alright.
Hey thanks for the kind words improvinglemon , unfortunately things have gotten worse.
So my ex started talking to another guy today from tinder again! After saying she wanted space between us like wtf. Then tried to think i was stupid enough to believe she wasn’t talking to him for “sex” or flirty reasons but she was lonley. When everytime she goes on tinder she does. It kills me. And i saw on her instagram, not intestinally but it popped up and i saw they were following each other and i just broke again. I messaged her asking if we could talk and straight away she assumed it was about that guy but i pretended i dind’t know and she tried to change the subject and then we ended up arguing again. Eventually she tells me that she’s single and that she doesn’t have anything to sort between us and was straight cold! She said she doens;t see us getting back together as she says she knows it’s going to happen again! We start arguing and i just open up and i feel as if it was back handed towards me. I even said if she knew it wouldn’t happen again would you give it another shot her first reaction was “yeah maybe” then said “no. i don’t know. I don’t know what i want”. We got off the phone as she said she was out and would talk to me later. I was frustrated cause i couldn’t get my words out. So i sent her the above paragraph. She said she would read it when she was home. Fast forward 3-4 hours she replies
“I do miss you and I do love you and sometimes I’d give anything just for you to hold me or me fall asleep on your chest I have never stopped thinking about you or have I stopped missing you but yeah I am scarred of us going back to that way and all I see is us going back that way I never wanted to hurt you and all I have done is hurt you and I can’t do this anymore Aaron I’m just so un happy with the situation that’s why I don’t want to talk or whatever
I don’t want to talk right now I’ve had a drink so I’ll speak in the morning
Just please don’t think I don’t care because I do and I know I act cold towards me but that’s just my way of dealing with this shit”I just don’t know anymore. She shows so many signs that she wants me then bang! Completely cold and harsh. Then tries to make me out to be the desperate one when every time I go nc she literally doesn’t stop messaging me until I eventually react.I even told her she needs to stop using me as an emotional crutch everytime she misses me then gives me the cold shoulder. i don’t know what to do. i know what i did was wrong. I’m just stupid. I’m stupid because I thought someone could love me for who i am. i’m stupid because i generally thought she was the one. I’m stupid for letting my self be involed in her shit when we’re not even together. She even told me she still feels like we’re still kinda together the other day. I just don’t know. I took my self to the gym at 11pm while everyone I knew including her was having fun at halloween parties. I’ve become a loser. and i’m not this guy. I hate being dipicted to be this creepy, desperate ex who can’t let go. She see’s me as the same guy she last met, and she see’s the same broken relationship if got back together. I donāt see that because I see the floors. The way we communicated was a joke. I hate the way she depicts me right now, because I wouldnāt act this unusual way for anyone else. I wouldnāt attempt to connect with anyone else. I would have let you go. But i couldn’t. I can’t seem to. The more she doesn’t want me, the more i want her.
And of course improvinglemon i would love to know your story, i just havn’t gottten around to reading it cause my minds been so clustered with this stress and unhappiness that i can’t concentrate. I’ll read it in the morning and you can tell me abit more about it in these comments. Thanks again! i appreciate
you even reading my posts!You don’t need to thank me, I just want to help you, I know how it is when all you hear is “let her go” or “move on”, it doesn’t help, I know what it’s like to stay alone and get lost in your mind. By the way, you’re not a loser because you didn’t go to an Halloween party of little wanker ; in fact, let her go to those kind of places and forget her a little, I’m sorry to say but she doesn’t have a good attitude toward you and she needs to realize it by herself.
If you want or have some suggestions about my story, I would be glad to hear it, an external view is always good š
Hey iron blood
As far as the mixed signals go i think you almost have to be prepared for them now. Just so that if they do happen you can deal with them properly and take care of yourself first!
Dont get down on yourself too. Everyone deserves to be loved and to be happy. No one needs another person to be happy all they need is theirself. Youre an interesting fun and deeply caring guy. Those are all attributes that anyone would be lucky to have in their bf or gf and just because you dont feel like you have them right now doesnt mean they arent still there. Grab some friends, plan to watch a hockey game or a football game or whatever youre into and have fun! Drink some beers and just enjoy the moment! I hope things work out between you and your ex but just know that she isnt the one who dictates your happiness, you are.
Also, dont feel stupid for loving her or thinking she is the one. When you were together she earned that from you and you opened yourself up too her like no other. Your relationship was fun and sexy and full of love and it doesnt just go away; anyone on this site could vouch for that. There is nothing stupid about love or having love in your life, we are all lucky to find someone who deserves our love.
I hope your conversation goes well with her this morning. Try and let her text you first just so she is thhe one chasing you.
@ironblood ~ She loves and misses you, but she’s confused right now. Send her one last text and just say you think it’s best not to contact each other for a month to give you both time to calm down and think more rationally. That’s it, one simple text. No phone calls or pleading. Then go strict no contact! It won’t be easy, but you two have other things to do; you have college studies and she has her work or possibly looking for a different job. The time will go by quickly and then maybe you can talk about what things going on with each of you or the possibility of reuniting someday. At that point, don’t bombard her with daily texts or phone calls. Take everything very slow without begging or pressuring her..
Thank you all for the kind words improvinglemon, Qball, patricia12!
Improvinglemon, you are right it is very hard to hear the classic āmove onā , āfuck herā etc. And yes staying alone defiantly messes with my head. And of course I would like give you suggestions. Iāll take a look after I write this . Thanks for your help.
Qball, youāre right I shouldnāt expect anything but mixed signals and boy hasnāt it been confusing Iāll explain more below but thank you for your kind words! Youāre right, she shouldnāt dictate my happiness thatās why Iāve picked myself up yet again, took myself to the gym at 11pm yesterday and 8am this morning. Iāve just tried to keep occupied. Tomorrow Iām visiting my friend in London for a Halloween party so that should be fun. I just felt stupid for loving her as I felt like she doesnāt care.
Patricia12, she is very confused right now thatās why sheās showing a lot of mixed signals. I would love to do nc again but the situation Iām in right now is weird. If you read on Iāll explain. Thank you however for your support and concern. I do want to implement nc again as I think we need it but I just donāt know how as Iāll explain.
So the āmorning talkā didnāt happen. I waited till around 1pm then told her itās past the morning. She replies with āsorryā. Then I ask her if she wanted to talk and she replied ā all we do is argue and fight when we do and I donāt want thatā so I said to her we didnāt have to. She replied āI donāt want to talkā. I called her and she answered.
She was very blunt and cold and insisted I hurry as she was about to watch a film with her mom. We almost started arguing and she said this is why I donāt want to talk so I just told her straight we didnāt have to argue. I asked if she had more to add to my paragaraphs reply and said no. I was annoyed and I pretty much said this to her on the phone ( as I wrote it down to tell her ).
āNow that I look back it was stupid for me to interfere and question your actions. You are right we are not together. Iām sorry I even asked cause itās none of my business now. I acted pathetic and desperate but that was due to me feeling so low cause I miss you and obviously I get jealous cause you were my girl. I spilled everything on how I feel and you didnāt even seem phased. And I canāt stop you from doing what you want now. Iām not trying to force you to do anything. I donāt want to be this desperate guy you make me out to feel. I donāt want to be your aggressive āexā who canāt get over you and chases you making you feel trapped. Iām not that guy. Iām not a creep. So if you donāt want me. I wonāt force you to have me. I wonāt force you to love me. I see things in a different light, I know you canāt see that. You see the same guy you last met, and you see the same broken relationship if got back together. I donāt see that because I see the floors. The way we communicated was a joke. But thereās no point pointing out what went wrong cause we both know. I know youāre hurt and Iām sorry for that. I hate the way you depict me right now, because you know I wouldnāt act this unusual way for anyone else. I wouldnāt attempt to connect with anyone else. I would have let you go but every time we speak I feel like weāre walking down the same path then we get deviated. I keep disconnecting from you the more distance we have and I feel like weāre becoming strangers. And this is where the anger grows because I donāt know how to reconnect as you keep putting barriers up. It feels like this pain is going to change us cause weāre both going through different phases and it seems like youāve lost your patience. What are we even fighting for? We use to be in love and were so close, you say you still love me and miss meā¦ so what the fuck we fighting for?ā
She told me at the moment she didnāt want to talk as she feels like weāre going to fight and I told her I didnāt want her to feel that way. I told her I didnāt want her to feel as if she couldnāt speak to me. And I asked to be friends just for now and she told me she couldnāt just be friends. Anyway I canāt remember a lot all I know is eventually she almost gave in and was like āok well I have to go now but Iāll speak to you laterā.So like an hour later she sends me a picture of her dog with a dog coat on and says āI just wanted to show you snoops new gearā snoop is the nickname I made for her dog. This is weird. Like suddenly sheās speaking? Iām so confused! What do I even reply to this! Do I even reply! Iām so scared sheāll just turn around and say I donāt want to give you the wrong impression again! Like wtf! Thanks everyone for the help! Iām confused on what do to!
@ironblood – Why can’t you see you’re no further ahead than you were weeks ago and that you’re still groveling? The situation you’re in now doesn’t change anything. You say you want to implement no contact again and think you both need it. I agree and advised you how to do it in a kind respectful way, but the talk you had today was very sad indeed!! So she sent you pictures of her dog, and you think that’s speaking? This is called “bread crumbs”. How many times has she told you she doesn’t want to talk? No, don’t reply to the picture. If you have enough courage to send a short text about no contact, do that instead.
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