my soon to be ex husband says he wants to be friends.

[aamls]

Should I be his “friend” if I want to get him back? This is a short version of my story. My husband moved out about a month ago, he got the divorce papers and has them filled out, I don’t think he has turn them in yet. we have been together for 12 yrs,6 married 6 not. we have 2 children together as well. I want to get back together with him but he is acting difficult. I am doing the no contact thing with him,but not sure if I messed it up along the way. I dont answer his calls or texts as of yet. The other day my husband was sick with fever so I went to the store and bought him somethings, took him ibuprofen and antibiotic. my children wanted to see him so I took them and the stuff to him. He told my oldest it was “nice of me to do that”,according to what she told me he told her, I left the children with him for a few and they were wondering when I was gonna go back to get them, so he talked to his mother who I happen to live with and she wanted to come with me to see him. So when we got over there I had bought him food again and I walk in the apt and my child told me he got mad, so I left to the car. he was mad at his mom for going to, later he called her and apologized to her, he told my oldest he didn’t want me to go there. the next day I went out of my way,went shopping dedicated time to make him soup,corn bread,steam cauliflower,brownie.So I took it dropped it of by the door and left. I text him like if I was my child and no reply so I text him saying for him to feel better enjoy,thinking it was a nice gesture. he ended up mad and saying he was gonna put a restraining order on me for something I did but he has no proof of it ect and that not to go by.
his mom ended up talking to him and saying if something happens to me that he could be blamed and that our children need their mom,ect, I heard her on the phone. Idk if he felt guilty from everything. he ended up calling but I didn’t get the phone. then got the restraining order text, then he ended up texting me saying that that he appreciates me making the food for him but im being irrational, that he wants to be friends with me, if we can start that. that we should be friends for our kids.
then he left me a message saying that he doesn’t think im changing and that im acting like a kid by not answering his calls ect. but that hes not saying were gonna get back together but if “we could at least start as friends”. Im very confused here. he keeps calling me every so often, but my question is, is this a trick, is he trying to get me to sign the papers, does he miss me and wants to try to make it work? is he trying to see whats up with me or seeing if I still want him? im at a lost. please help, I will add that we spoke for a few seconds yesterday on the phone and he apologized about the food, ask how I was doing, I said great and he said I sounded happy. he wanted to tell me something but didn’t I grabbed the phone from my oldest but he wouldn’t tell me. my oldest told me later on that he told her he is talking to some girl but rarely. he called me again today but I didnt answer, I am doing no contact still. should I answer next time he calls? what should I say? since he wants to be friends should I say yes? idk what to do,please help. I want him back. Thanks btw: he showed up to my mother in laws house, without letting us know he was coming. where I live with our children and he has told me not to show up to where he lives without letting him know, should I tell him to do the same? Also when he got here my oldest asked him if he was eating the bought soup I took him and he said yeah. After greeting the children my oldest said, he ask wheres your mom. He Also came upstairs to his mom’s room and as he was coming out knocked on my door went down stairs. when I went downstairs a few minutes later as giving time in between so I wouldn’t seem desperate or needy I took some cookies down that I know he likes to offer but he didn’t want any. I kept acting busy with the children and acting like I was on my phone busy as well to look distracted (he’s done that a lot of times and it’s annoying and hurtful) as he talk with his mom. later we would have small talk, I was asking him for money, and he said he almost didn’t have any himself. He told me he’s closing our joint bank account and that he’s getting his own. I don’t think it’s a good idea and feel hurt as well but that’s what he wants to do, he said a lot of things are coming out of that account, which is true, but by having that account it’d be easier for me to have the money on hand instead of having to wait for me to give it to me. Another thing is he was telling me I need to start paying my own phone, I got a little upset so I said well it was nice seeing you and left upstairs, of course I started cryingI got to my room, he ended up leaving a little later. then like a few hours later he started calling me again. like 5 times. Why does he keep calling me? How Am I suppose to act? I’ve noticed that I get anxious and those in love feelings again when he’s around me. He wasn’t looking at me that much when I was down stairs and he did mention to his mom I look slimmer when I was coming down, of course the break up had a lot to do with it. Please give me advise on how to act when I see him, When is it ok to answer his calls,as I’m almost done with my NC but haven’t done much as of yet, as I keep coming back and looking the internet on tips and such on how to get him back. My kids however keep telling him my life. As: mommy is applying for jobs, oh mommy is fasting, or whatever it is. Also He asks our children that how am I doing. He once left me a voice mail saying that he also is feeling things but it was 12 years,ect. Please help me with advise on what to do, I miss him so much and need him back. Also Should I skip the letter part, since he texted me and keeps calling me and has said he wants to be friends? I read some where to keep phone conversation short and to tell him to contact me next week basically to keep having him think of me, so he keeps calling me after seeing what he wants and having short conversation. should I ask him out somewhere to have fun I’m not sure how he’ll handle that. Thanks Sorry this is so long.

[aamls]

I wanted to add that my husband showed up again at cvs infront of our oldest child school, without letting me know. then he as we were leaving he got out of his car to tell me about my tire being low that I need to put air in the tire. well I told him I couldn’t and he told me to go to the nearest gas station that he’ll put it in. So he put air in my tires and then I told him I needed oil, he asked me how I knew, and I told him that I checked, so he ended up checking everything for me. then we parted ways. I later came to find out that he called my mother in law asking her if i was talking to someone. because at the cvs I was on the phone, when our oldest came and asked who are you talking to, he told her to stop and let me talk on the phone, but my oldest also mention that he was telling them to be quiet because he may have been trying to hear what I was saying and who I was speaking with. I was so excited when I heard he got jealous. what do I do now? he is picking up my oldest from school tomorrow and they are spending the night on Saturday and he is taking them out on Sunday. Oh how I miss him. can someone advise me on what I should do? Also I’m still not answering him on the phone or texts, any input would be grateful. Thanks

[a.z]

Hey,
You don’t have to be worried about what he may think/do .He can’t make you do anything if you don’t want to.
Start NC and if he keeps contacting you,tell him you need some time and you will contact him when you decide to contact him and maybe you can be friends after some time.

Here’s a checklist for ending no contact.

-You followed the no contact rule for at least one month.
-You are no longer a mess as you were after the breakup.
-You have made a few positive changes in your life.
-You are absolutely sure that getting back with your ex is a good decision.
-You have gone on at least one date during no contact.
-You have accepted the breakup and you are OK with the fact that you may never get your ex back and this might never work for you.
-You have accepted the fact that even if you don’t get your ex back, you will be fine since there are endless opportunities in the world to find love and happiness.

Then you can try and create the falsefriendship.You should act like friends so you can get close to him and attract him again.

I suggest you to read Relationship Rewind by Ryan Rivers.It explains everything you need to know.
Good lUck

[aamls]

ok so I have the continuation to the him picking my oldest up from school and more. he basically told me that he couldn’t pick up my oldest from school because he had to work late. So I said fine and went to pick her up. my tire was still messed up and still is messed up. I am having some communication with him because we have kids together. well I was thinking he was at work So I called him asking him if he was at work and he said no he wasn’t that he was far away. So I told him fine I’ll do my best to fill the tire with air. So I went to the gas station to put air in the tire. Then I came home. I started making something to eat thinking he would be coming to the apartment soon but he didn’t. He actually came before I got here to the apartment. Thing being he has a key to my in laws apartment, so what he did was he had sent me a text letting me know that he had left me something in my room somewhere. So when I saw that message it all made since. While I went to pick up my oldest at school he came to my home came in my room and got on my laptop to see what I was doing. I saw it was on facebook and I dont have facebook. He was stalking me, and I don’t know why. I ask his mom if he was here and she said that he stop by but left quick because he was tired but when my oldest had called him to ask about the laptop he told her he had to go when he mention facebook and he went to visit someone at the hospital. so Saturday night he took the kids and they spent the night till this afternoon. My oldest told me that he was asking her if I had was talking to someone and my youngest told me she said yes and then no. But earlier I had spoken on the phone with my husband and he told me that my oldest was trying to tell me that he was talking to some girl so she could hurt me. I didn’t say anything or reacted in anyway. I come to find out later that she caught him later talking on the phone with that female. Also when he came to drop them off he was by the stairs when my children came running in the room on his phone like if he was gonna text someone. he then help me put tire fluid in the tire and went to his car. I went inside to close the door and he was in his car texting. then he left. later I had to text him about the tire fluid because I had to buy more and he didnt answer back quick, and told me he was washing clothes. So he told me to let him know if anything about the car. He told my youngest that he likes me as a friend according to when I ask. My oldest said that he mention to them when they were talking to him about getting back together with me that we fight/argue to much. I’m at a lost here and don’t know what to do or think anymore. I was almost done with my no contact period but don’t know what to do or think about this anymore. any advise would be helpful. thanks

[aamls]

also I would like to add that he isnt pushing me away anymore, in the matter that I can stand next to him or we touched hands when he gives me something or him putting the wiper on my car. So is this a good sign? sorry my posting are long. thanks

[cassie]

I feel your pain!
It’s difficult to do the no contact when you have children together but I would suggest that you immediately stop doing things for him like making/bringing him food. If and when you talk to him, only talk about the children (nothing more, nothing less). Don’t contact him unless it’s about your children and if he mentions anything besides your children, do not respond! This will confuse him and he will want you even more.. You need to regain the control in the relationship in order for him to realize how much he actually wants you.

[aamls]

hey thanks for the reply. What do you think about him stalking me? lol our conversations are mainly about my car,money,children,and other unfortunate things that keep happening. I live with my mother in law so it makes it ten times harder on me. he has told my children that we would argue 80 percent of the time and I’m seeing wear I was going wrong in a lot of areas for that and another sentence my oldest told me. But it’s both ways. My question would be why would he talk to someone completely different then me. in age looks ect. totally opposite of what he told me he was going to look for in a female. ugh. I guess he’s confused?

[cassie]

I think he’s kinda stalking you because he wants to keep taps on you. That way he knows what you’re doing at all times. I think the best thing you can do is try and go on a date – it would probably set him off completely and maybe what he needs is a wake up call. That you will not just sit and wait for him to get his act together. And also, if you talk to him, ask him to stop talking with your children about your relationship. I think it’s best for all of you (children especially) if you keep them out of it.
He’s super confused and it wouldnt surprise me if he’s trying to make you jealous!

[aamls]

hi thanks for the reply, his mom did tell me the samething that he was probably trying to make me jealous, befor that she went as far as telling me that I should of kissed him right there and then, but I told her no, because I fel I may have been rejected, but she said he was probably waiting for me to do that, but I dont think he was. the other day he asked my oldest if I was talking to someone and she told him yes, then no, and he told her that if i was talking to someone so could he or something along those lines, but idk what his problem is. your right the children are caught in the middle of this and we are all suffering. The children want their daddy home and i want my husband back, so it’s hard all around. Do you think by going on a date he wont proceed to try to go out with the girl he’s talking to and would he think im trying to move on? thanks

[cassie]

I think it’s fine that he goes out on a date with that other girl.. she’ll be just a rebound and all he’s doing is trying to make you jealous.
He should think you’re trying to move on because otherwise he can act just like he pleases and he’ll think he has you in the palm of his hand. For sure go out on a date! He won’t like it and it will make him want you even more.

[aamls]

I’m hoping he doesn’t lol. But I hope he misses me as much as I miss him since I don’t see him showing it. He’s good at hiding his feelings especially from me lately. your right about what your saying and it makes perfect sense, it just hurts. The date part sounds scary,lol, but I should be having a good time, he keeps texting these females and I think it’s not fair and hurtful but I don’t think he’s going out with anyone as he keeps busy working,going to the gym and doing online classes, but you never know. I may find texting buddies or something, at least for now. lol Thanks

[aamls]

So Cassie I followed your advise and am trying to make”friends”. I haven’t heard from him and am scared he’s forgetting about me. I miss him truly and want him back. Idk where i’m going from here. I hope he still misses me and wants me back as much as I miss and want him back. I will continue to try to better my self but this is so hard. anyone with any insight or tips are welcome to comment. thanks

[cassie]

He’s for sure not forgetting you! He misses you even more now that you two don’t speak as much. But don’t worry, it’s normal to feel that way – i feel it all the time as well.. I’m praying that my ex contacts me saying he wants me back but I know that won’t happen.. It’s gonna be long hard road to get him back but in the end, when he’s back, it’ll all be worth it! 🙂

[aamls]

I hope not, lol, o.m.g. you sound just like me, lol..but yes it will. I already started doing for me, like exercising. Also I’m studying and trying to improve my self, it’s hard but regardless in the end it’ll be worth it because at least I’m trying to push forward for me. My timing is almost up and i’m not sure weather to email him the letter, I don’t know his address so I can’t send it to him via mail, or to start texting him, but if I do I wouldn’t know what to text. I’m very confused as of now and what to do. thanks for replying and your input. I would love to make him jealous as he’s doing to me. but he won’t break me, well not in front of him anyways. lol. so what do you think I should do now? thanks

[cassie]

How long have you gone now without contacting him?
Maybe it’s still too soon to send him the letter.. but more importantly – what are you writing in the letter?

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