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Hey there, my ex ended our relationship about 5 months ago. There was a series of letters/long messages afterwards ending with her saying I need to work on myself & that things were over for good. I have only broken no contact once, in a message saying I accepted everything & just wanted to be on good terms. That was viewed, ignored & I was blocked. I am currently unblocked and recently sent her a message on her birthday. (Message below)
– ME: I may be risking a block by sending this but I don’t have it in me to sit back & be the jerk who pretends like he didn’t remember
Happy Birthday (ex gf) & congrats on Graduating!! Hope all is well 🙂 ?✌
– HER(an hour later): Thank you (:It was left at that. After about 2 weeks, she randomly sent me the messages below.
– HER(2 weeks after msg above @ 1:30am): Do you remember the time we drove back from (vacation) and you were asleep and I pulled over at some sketchy haunted gas station because we’d been out of gas for awhile and I was afraid we weren’t going to make it? I was so freaked out when I woke you up and you didn’t even know you were so passed out lol. Anyways, I thought of that because I’m on another late night road trip. Please don’t respond, just wanted you to know it’s one of the many memories I still smile about.
Oh and I hope you are well too (:I received that about a week ago & have not responded. I was thinking about sending her the following message sometime soon. What is everyone’s thoughts on this?
POTENTIAL REPLY: Of course I remember that and I still have no idea how you & I somehow turned such a last minute and low budget thing into such a memorable trip. But hey, there’s this last letter I wrote & I’d really like to give it to you in person, if you wouldn’t mind meeting up for pizza or something. If not, if you could please let me know the best way to get this envelope to you, it’d be really appreciated 🙂
Please let me hear some honest opinions. I have received advice from some friends saying to send the message & others have told me to just ignore it. I am okay with the fact that she may ignore this message or just reply to tell me she doesn’t want the letter but I want to give this one last shot, despite possibly giving her the final upper hand in this situation.
Thank you all in advance for your advice! 🙂
I think that she is just maybe opening up you shouldn’t scare her away. Maybe in some time (a few weeks) share with her a fond memory you recall just like she did with you. “Im doing this and remembered the time where xyz happened” . Nothing too romantic or pushy. Just a really nice memory you BOTH enjoyed. A letter might be too much and scare her aways. It’s my 2 cents
Just reply very min and be friendly,dont open up so quick on meeting up.May be she started missing you and wanted to see how you are doing.Same time don’t get too excited this is part of game,it might not go anywhere.
So reply to it and don’t delay too much,dont ask to meet up,exchange few texts first calling her to meet.
DONT SEND OR TALK ABOUT ANY LETTER AT THIS POINT,JUST BE NORMAL HUMANBEING.
Should I still start out my reply with… “Of course I remember that and I still have no idea how you & I somehow turned such a last minute and low budget thing into such a memorable trip.” and then mention how I was recently at the place we had our anniversary dinner, thought of her and then leave it at that? or is that too much?
Also, she said “Please don’t respond, just wanted you to know it’s one of the many memories I still smile about.”….will responding at all just make her mad at me again?
I dont think you should respond specifically to that text, as she asked you not to. I think you should leave it a bit longer (another few weeks in my view), then send a casual friendly text. If it feels odd not referring to her text, you could add something like – I didn’t respond to your text because you asked me not to, but yes I remember that trip well and it makes me smile too 🙂 She asked you to make some changes just after the break up – so if you can subtley bring up that you are making those changes without explicitly saying that, it would be good e.g. Got to dash as I have a new job / am going to the gym / have a Spanish class (or whatever) but it would be great to hear from you and what you’ve been up to
By the way, for what its worth – her sending that text to you, I think means the door is a jar open on your relationship. But she would need, over time, to see that you have made the changes she was referring to. It would take a while to rebuild the trust / bond, but its possible. Just don’t rush it. If she wanted you out of her life, she wouldn’t have sent such a nice text so many months after the break up.
@anthurium
Very solid advice, thank you! 🙂Broke down & sent her a reply…..she read it immediately and I haven’t heard anything back. Is this a bad sign?
At least you waited over a week (assuming you sent it recently). I don’t think her not replying immediately is necessarily a bad sign – but you do need to leave it now, go NC.
I just re-read some of your back story – did you mention the one last letter in your text? It is better to treat any communication casually at this stage I think, lighthearted. So she can reconnect without worrying about things getting heavy (which you’ll notice is the essence of her text about the roadtrip memory – those kind of texts are absolutely the best).
Her message was sent Dec 20th
My exact reply on Jan 6th was…
– I didn’t respond since you asked me not to, but of course I remember and I still have no idea how you & I turned such a last minute thing into such an amazing trip
I’m actually headed down that way right now for another pharmacy school interview so I thought of that too but it would be great to hear from you & what you’ve been up to 🙂Made sure to not mention anything about the letter or get too personal.
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