I broke up with him, and I want him back.

[maya46]

Hi Kevin,

My story is pretty long and confusing, but it all started 3 months ago, just before the breakup. My ex and I were going through a rough patch and he was being more jealous than usual, i think it’s healthy to have SOME jealousy in a relationship as i think it shows you care about your partner, but it was at an uncomfortable rate. Meaning, if a guy was to comment on my Instagram pictures that clearly showed their attraction for me (whom i didn’t know and was nothing but a stranger), he would get mad, upset and jealous. This is a normal reaction and something i would probably feel, however, he would constantly bring this up and get really upset about it, he would ask me to delete the comments (which i did) and block people that did this. I thought that blocking was a little far because i didn’t even know the person, and i realised how jealous he was getting and looking back now i wish i just blocked them to avoid this whole mess. These arguments would lead to fights that brought in other situations, and it would get messy.

Afterwards, when we saw each other it was usually sad, and this lead to fights and no one was happy around this time. This all happened within 2 weeks roughly, and before this we were the happiest couple i knew and had been together for 16 months by then. I then broke up with him, which i realise was the biggest mistake and i regret nothing more than this. It was just a rough patch that did not need to result in a break up, but i was stupid and miserable in the moment but i compromised with a ‘break.’

When it came to breaking up with him, i called it a break because i had intentions to get back together, but we needed time to cool off. He referred to it as a “break up” because he didn’t see hope in me wanting him back and he thought it was easier that way. I took about a week to break from seeing him because i knew how heartbroken he was, but i should have been there. After that, we never stopped seeing each other, and it wasn’t soon after that we started acting like a couple again. We started acting just like before the whole breakup mess, and eventually we said we loved each other.

About a month after the breakup, i expressed i wanted him back and he said he did too. He told me after his last year 12 exam, that we would be back together because it would be too much stress to be a good boyfriend to someone during this study period, which i understood. However, after that last exam he still said he wasn’t ready and he was afraid i would hurt him again. We still acted like a couple, and not that many people actually knew we broke up in the first place.

It was only up until 2 weeks ago that we stopped acting like a couple, and this is where it gets complicated. He had a female friend that helped him through our breakup, though they have only ever hung out alone once, and that was right after the breakup and i am certain nothing happened because he was still so devastated by that point, and i know nothing has happened as of yet either. He has been putting me through a lot these past 2 weeks, he’s been getting drunk a few times with friends, she was there but nothing happened but he made me think something did just to get a reaction out of me (i think). Whenever he does something to hurt me, he brings up when i hurt him when i broke up with him, and that was almost 3 months ago but only just recently we haven’t been acting like a couple.

My ex came to my house last week so we could talk things out after this recent rough patch we’ve been having. I brought up this girl (that helped him through the breakup) a lot and he said nothing has happened, and that his parents don’t want him dating next year so he can focus on his education, (though i wouldn’t let myself get in the way of his schooling anyway). The day kept changing between good and bad, and i asked him for our last kiss for closure, just in case it was our last. It took him a while to consider and agree, but eventually he did. He told me he really wanted to because he’s still attracted to me, but he didn’t want to seem like he was leading me on because he would feel even worse about hurting me, so he automatically freaked out after the kiss. He then felt terrible about his reaction, and it was his idea to have a second “last kiss”, which i took as a sign of (false) hope.

The day after he said he needed to call me because he “can’t lie to me anymore.” This was his way of telling me he thinks he has feelings for this other girl. I may be in denial, but i really don’t think he could have feelings for her. They have only seen each other 4 times within 3 months, but they were usually with other people and never did anything at all. I don’t think he has real feelings for this girl, and even though she helped him during a hard time maybe she’s just a rebound, but he still thinks he likes her. He keeps telling me he wants to be friends with me, but i don’t think i can if she’s in the picture. She’s on holidays for a month, so i want to try to win him back over this time, and even though people say he doesn’t deserve me after some of the things he’s done, i wouldn’t forgive myself if i didn’t try now to get him back. We have plans to see each other these holidays and I really do believe i love him, because there’s always a pain in my chest that i can’t explain, but whenever i’m with him it goes away, no matter if we’re happy or sad. I’m changing my hair today actually, and i’m going to try to act happy whenever i see him, because i know his attraction for me is still there but its the feeling i need him to gain, and he’s too great of a guy to take advantage of me in that way.

[heartbreakkid15]

You have to look at this through his POV, although I agree with you when you say SOME jealousy is healthy in a relationship which it is because it makes you feel wanted, having to block people on social media is alittle too far.
Here’s my opinion in his POV because I just went through this with my ex (not for jealousy)
My girlfriend asked me for a break about 6 weeks ago and it was one of the most painful things I’ve ever heard her say. We were together for 3 years and she first asked for a break which then lead to a breakup. Your ex probably went through a couples stages which are 1st-denial/heartbreak, he probably was heart broke like me but kept telling himself oh, it’s okay it’s just a break and we will end up back together. 2nd anger/accepting, this is probably where he developed feelings for the other girl, he probably became so angry that you left him, that this girl came into the picture and made him feel better about it and now he’s having conflicted feelings about what he wants. It may be a rebound but right now the only thing making him feel better is this other girl.
The one mistake females tend to make when they breakup with a boyfriend is that they think the boy will always be there’s no matter what, don’t you think that’s a little selfish? To leave someone and assume you can go back to him whenever you want? There are men all over this site who’s women left them and probably think the same thing. Your boyfriend went through heartbreak and now he’s doubting you and right now he has every right to. Communication is 100% a key in relationships, you can’t fix problems by going on “breaks” or breaking up. Your man may fix the problem during this period but he also may find out he doesn’t want to continue the relationship. your in the spot most men want their exes to be in,they want their exes coming back to them saying they made a mistake. You should have just sat down with him and communicated together about the arguments and jealousy problems not trying to solve it by taking a break. You can’t “win” someone back, because ur not fixing the problems of the old relationship. The only way to do that is by apologizing apologizing to him, accepting the breakup and how he feels and give him space. He has to want to come back on his own, not by force or pressure. Everyone makes mistakes remember that, now you have to do the right thing and give him space.

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