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Quick recap. Great relationship and didnt have a breakup the usual way. We went to dinner with my family two weeks ago and had a great night. Even were intimate several times. We had plans to hangout with my daughter the next day and she said she wasnt up for doing anything cause she was feeling down. I was going on a weekend getaway with some family the following weekend so we planned a date night the night before I left. Same thing she was really down and didnt want to do anything. I made the mistake of asking if she was breaking up with me. She said she’s depressed and cant be in a healthy relationship right now. I knew she had been down because of a horrible living situation and a couple other things I wont go into. She told when breaking up it was so bad she bad she got on meds. She needed to think and pray and to let her be for now. I’ve gone NC 11 days now and nothing. I see her at work now and then and she cant look at me or say hi. I avoid her altogether now if I can. Im hurting pretty bad but I know contacting her would blow any chance. If she doesn’t contact me in the 30 days I am going to send a text as suggested by Kevin and if no reply planned to send the magic letter basically letting her know she’s not who I thought she was, I love her, but this is goodbye. Does this work when they are depressed? Please help. What should I do? She’s told me she wants to marry me, dreams of me in my tux waiting for her at the end of the aisle, and im her best friend. I wanted to help her through this but she shut me off completely. Please any advice is much appreciated.
Ok, first off, I will say this, the magic letter isn’t to tell the ex that they’re not who you thought they were and to say good-bye. The magic letter is meant as a soft contact to spark their interest in you again. And you need to give it more than 11 days. Trust me when I tell you that when I started my NC I was worried that doing it would give my ex the idea that I didn’t wanna talk to him ever again and give him the idea that I wanted nothing to do with him. Let me tell you, that I couldn’t have been more wrong. He tried contacting within 14 days. He claimed he wanted to get my old house key back from me and it like 3 times in a row that he tried to contact me, but because I was doing no contact I kept telling him that my schedule didn’t work. Now almost a month and a half later, we hung out for the first time last night, and it went well as far as I can tell and we’ve been talking through texts and Facebook messages all day today. And trust me, part of the reason I was scared of the no contact was because while things weren’t horrible between he and I when I moved out, things weren’t all that great either. We had days where we couldn’t even stand to look at each other let alone even have to talk to each other about anything. We had days where we snapped at each other just because we were both upset and hurt. But last night, it was like meeting him for the first time all over again. No contact DOES WORK, but you HAVE to be willing to put in the effort. You have to be willing to take time to work on yourself and give your ex time heal as well as time for yourself to heal and not dwell on everything that went wrong. Even after 30 days, if you’re still focusing on all the things that went wrong that caused the break up, don’t contact your ex yet. I’m not really sure what else to say to you, but that’s the best advice I can give you.
Thank you. I read the full version of the magic letter that you pay for. A friend had it. It was basically what Kevin’s email said but it was also more of a letting them know you accept the breakup but you cant be friends cause a friend would talk to you and tell you whats going on. Its basically a bluff to insight emotion to get them to contact you. You’re supposed to send it when you feel they are indifferent meaning they have no emotion good or bad for you and its supposed to make them want to prove you wrong. I actually had a really good day full of positive signs yesterday. Could you read my last post in this thread and give advice?
It seems like NC is working and I just need to continue? Oh and I am working on myself. Today I feel really good and im down 25 pounds since we broke up
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