My NC experience so far.

[Cantsum]

My ex and I have been broken up for 10 days now, and there has been no contact whatsoever.

She broke up with me, I asked her ONCE not to, but then accepted it.

I feel a hell lot better than I did on day 1.

I’m also absolutely positive that this is all to do with her extreme stress/anxiety and possible depression.

How am I so sure?

1) My mum, a psychiatrist for 30 years, has told me she has ALL the signs of extreme anxiety and possible depression.

2) I was searching stress/anxiety causing break ups and came across a 1 to 1 counselling website. Someone had posted a situation so similar to mine. That his GF had been talking about the future, handing him gifts, being intimate, having sex … but then suddenly broke it off telling him she couldn’t handle the pressure of her studies and work. REMARKABLY similar to my scenario.

The only thing I can do now is continue with NC for 1 month, possibly 2 because that’s when her exams finish.

Hopefully she’ll get into contact with me during that time … but if not I will and I’ve got a plan.

Let me know what you think.

[Cantsum]

So I noticed my ex removed a picture of me from her FaceBook wall. I was really hurt.

But I guess I wasn’t surprised because o actually unfriended her.

[brokenhearted123]

Hi cantsum, so I personally also struggle with anxiety and depression and I can say that she will go through periods of ups and downs highs and lows and it is not something that is easy to manage. Me personally, I’m in treatment and it’s still a big struggle for me. It sounds like you are doing the best you can. Don’t speculate about the fb photos bc she may be speculating as to why you unfriended Her. Keep it up! I know it is so hard

[Cantsum]

Hey @Brokenhearted123, thanks for that!

She’s going through treatment too. The last time I checked she saw a counsellor once (who put my ex on a waiting list) and then prescribed her beta blockers that she takes every day, or at least when she gets stressed (which is pretty much every day).

Should I be worried that she hasn’t contacted me since the break up?

What about the fact that none of our mutual friends have said anything about it?

[Finntoga]

So if your mutual friends have not said anything about it maybe it means she has not talked about it? I don’t think you should yet worry about the fact she has not contacted you. Maybe with all the emotional stuff, stress, exams etc. she has put herself tight spot and maybe she feels right now she cannot cope, even when relationships are good or great they take effort and time too and if she is feeling depressed,, stressed and worried about her exams she might feel there is not enough to give to others I dont know since I dont know her but it is possible. It is smart to give her until her exams and let her have couple days after as well to clear her head and then contact her if by then she has not contacted you.

[Cantsum]

@Finntoga … Sorry I didn’t realise you had answered on this one.

Yeah, I’m giving her time now. 2 months so that she can focus on her exams, because I care that she passes them. She needs to, otherwise she won’t be able to go on a Master’s degree.

I’m glad I haven’t bombarded her with texts since the break up … hell she must be thinking “why isn’t he texting” too.

She was obviously still attracted to me before the break up because we had intense sex.

For the last month she hasn’t stopped touching me or caring about me … so when she told me “How have you not seen the signs?” it baffled me.

[Finntoga]

Women are funny at times with these signs. I used to be like that too that I thought I was giving clear signal until one of my ex’s said that is not case and my last relationship I made sure to explain why I got mad or irritated etc in clear terms. I wish we were not such complicated wonderful creatures but we are. She has been giving signs but I dont think this is about lack of caring in anyway at all nor lack of love, maybe she just can’t do it right now due to other stuff. I mean it could be other reasons too since I don’t know her I cannot say for sure but based on what you told, what I am going through with exams etc it is possible. I mean if it was something wrong between you two I would have thought she would said so rather than saying about signs to me it is her needing time and space to deal with things she has going on.

[brokenhearted123]

Hi cantsum I am also trying my best to not be worried as my ex has not contacted me either 🙁 I want to contact him now and I know space is needed. I would try to put it out of your head as much as possible as even if we give opinions none of us know exactly what our exes are thinking or want. Last time my ex and I broke up I went crazy and then I gave space and he had contacted me indirectly via Instagram like day 16 there are also other sites about what happens if your ex doesn’t contact you during the nc rule and I like you have the same fear I guess we can only sit with that fear right now and not act on it

[Cantsum]

Also I’d like you all to understand @brokehearted123 @Finntoga @DragonGirl what happened too..

After we had sex, we had an argument about something embarrassing I had done.

I was really embarrassed and angry and I took it out on her … 🙁

I was like “What do you want to do? Should we just break up or what?”

I feel like that pushed her over the edge …

[dragongirl]

Hi Cantsum-If you unfriended her, she removed the picture to get even. It’s the way girls often think. So I wouldn’t worry too much about that. I agree with Finntoga-the fact that she hasn’t contacted you is not something to be worried about either. She does have issues and sounds like a lot going on with her life so she may need a lot of space to work through whatever is bothering her. It takes so much energy to put into a relationship because it’s a living entity. You have to nurture it for it to succeed. If you don’t, it withers and dies like a plant. That’s a life lesson that a lot of people don’t understand and it’s a reason so many relationships sink. Maybe she felt overwhelmed with the way she was feeling and needed a breather.

Another reason that your mutual friends have not said a word is because they may not want to take sides. It’s very awkward and uncomfortable when friends breakup and you aren’t sure which side to take so they resist reaching out. Saying nothing is best for some people. When a girl exits the relationship, she does talk to friends so it would be rare that she kept it to herself. Girls are much more emotional and figure things out by talking it out with friends. Unlike guys, that do the thinking for themselves. I agree with Finntoga. Don’t make contact until you know that she doesn’t have exams hanging over her head.

Yes, trust me she is watching her phone as well and wondering why you haven’t reached out to her. But good job on not contacting and smothering her because that only pushes her away. Sounds like you guys had intense chemistry-your type of relationship is not something a girl would forget! Like Finntoga, I don’t think it’s a lack of love either.
Girls expect guys to pick up on hints and subtle things. But you guys don’t!!! And we become frustrated that you don’t understand that girl code. But it’s not your fault-our brains work differently and are wired differently. She may have thought she was giving signs but obviously not clear enough for you to pick up on. Most men find our girl code impossible so don’t feel bad. Be patient. She may come around with time. Keep working on yourself. Think of something that you wanted to do but couldn’t because of lack of time/energy during the relationship. This is the perfect time for that.

[dragongirl]

This embarrasing thing that happened-was it during sex or at another time? And how did it affect her? Future note to keep in mind: Never ever ever say to a girl “Should we just break up or what?” That’s a really deep dagger into her heart that hits her unexpectedly. And it can take some time to get over that. Never say those words unless you are ready for her to disappear from your life.

[Cantsum]

@Dragongirl … yeah what I said was very harsh and rash. I regret saying it instantly, but the damage had already been done.

Do you think what I said forced her to end it with me in a way?

The embarrassing thing I did was after sex. I realised I had done something, but even on this site I’m just embarrassed to say what it was 🙁

I really want her back in my life, at least on speaking terms for the moment … Will I have to wait till after her exams in 2 months?

[dragongirl]

@Cantsum
As a girl, I’m going to tell you that there were thoughts of ending it before this embarrasing event. There always is. They were slowly building as the days went on but you couldn’t see it. Whenever you began to notice her acting differently than normal, that’s when she began to have those kind of thoughts. I change in subtle ways when I’m thinking of ending it. You don’t need to say what the embarrasing event is in order for us to give you our thoughts!! When she heard those words from you-all her break-up thoughts came to the surface and exploded in her mind thus causing the breakup. If she still wanted things to remain the same, it wouldn’t even matter if the most embarrasing event in history happened. She would have overlooked it.

I can tell you want her back. You have to wait until she initiates contact. And the reason is because when girls get embarrased, they cringe inside anytime that embarrasing memory comes up. Then she wants to avoid having anything associated with the event so she stays away. She’s got to miss you enough that she says-oh well, fuck it. Shit happens. I still love him. When she reaches that point, you will hear from her. But that takes time to get there so yeah you do have to wait. If you contact her now, those embarrasing feelings are just going to come up for her and she’s going to run and close herself off so she doesn’t have to feel them.

[Cantsum]

@Dragongirl … so you think this has nothing to do with her stress?

You think it’s all down to this embarrassing moment? That she broke up with me because of that?

Or was it when I told her “shall we just break up?”

[brokenhearted123]

Yeah I would agree. You’re doing so well! I would say do the 30 day nc and see what has happened if anything and how you are personally feeling. Don’t think about “should I do longer?” Quite yet bc that will increase anxiety. I know I had threatened my ex bf w break up things or said things similar to what you said at the beginning of our relationship and that was before all our issues and he fought for me. So she was probably having some break up thoughts and you should keep doing so well bc you are giving her space and time to miss you and figure out what she wants. My ex and I also have really good chemistry which it sounds like you have with her but I would try my best to think of ways to work on bettering yourself while you are doing nc

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