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I just had an argument with a friend about trying to get your ex back.
He said I should get the idea of trying to win her back out of my head because it gives you hope and when your ex dissapoints you after NC, you would be more heartbroken then you are now…
It would slow your healing progress because of the hope to get back your ex..I didn’t like what i was hearing because at this moment i need hope.
What do you think about this? And do you also have friends who help by telling you just to move on and forget about your ex? What do you think about them?
Ppl that aren’t in this situation don’t understand. I do agree with what your friend is saying as there might be a sense of false hope, but the reality of the situation is that we do hope regardless of whether we are doing NC or not.
In the beginning I had a few days that were awful. I truly thought I was going crazy, falling into depression and might lose control and hurt myself. I was feeling more positive that day and a friend totally freaked out telling me he doesn’t like me if he chose not to keep in a relationship with me. We screamed back and forth on the phone. Lol. Even now he still puts me down smetimes and puts negative ideas in my head.
I know he thinks it’s the best to warn me of the negative possibilities but it doesn’t help at all cause I know them by heart. Oh well…Since the breakup, I’ve been a wreck. I’m so depressed and i hardly eat. The only way I’m getting through this is by constantly texting my friends and trying to keep busy. I love my ex and would love more than anything to get him back, but I know that I need to be treated better. I’m not sure if I’ll be doing the NC – that is, contacting him after 30 or so days. I’m definitely doing NC bc when someone says they don’t love you like that anymore and to date other ppl, how can you pride yourself to contact them again? I do hope after sometime that I hear back from him, but let’s face it. How could i contact him again? I just have to either hope he comes back or I can get over him quickky.
@kaila So what did you do? Never talk with your friend about it anymore?
I hate to hear things i dont want to hear at the moment. I get more and more depressed. Telling me things like:
– “She is not thinking about you anymore, because she never contacts you”. And when she did she is not even asking you how you are.” ( she only asked when i wanted to pick up my stuff)
– “she thought about it for 2 months to break up with you so she is very clear why she never wants to get back together”
– “She is friends now with a new guy so forget about it, she found comfort there”Telling me things like this doenst really help me. But i dont have anyone else i can talk about this..
It is very logical what he said about false hope and i cant deny the fact he is right… I’m just afraid he is right and i will be more of a wreck when she ignores me after NC….You don’t have anyone to tell you positive things? I didn’t talk to him for some time, and when I did was after the 1 month mark, after me and my guy had a talk and he said he had hopes we could work things out. So I was more confident on meeting my negative friend and from that first fight we had he has been way more cautious on what he tells me.
Those things they tell you make no sense. You can get back. Really try to feel good and be positive. Trust me
I did ask some other friends and they all said i should try to get her back. But this friend, i speak to him everyday and he tries to cheer me up. But he doenst want me to be hurt in a couple of months when i reach out to her and she turns me down. He wants me to be happy, really.
He is judging the situation from his perspective and “advises” me not the reach out because he thinks it wont do a thing and will only hurt me more…
I just dont know what to do anymore… i know he wants the best for me… but at this moment I want to hear positive things,, but he said he can’t do that because he doenst want to lie to me…
my friends were like that, they even yelled at me saying :”forget about him, he wot come back to you. you are annoying and stupid for thinking so!”
Okay here i have one advice. do not talk to them about him anymore. or about wanting him back. they arent supportive…which is wrong. but they want only best for you, they will say.i mean its okay to say i dont think he will come back, but like this.. well what kind of friends are they? I mean even my own sister got mad at me for talking to her about wanting y ex back. now when we are hm together just not totally commited and official my sister was like: i am happy for you, but i hope u wont be disapointed. and the friends dont know cause they would screw it up.so really, best thing dont talk to them about wanting him back. find a person from here (I did meet a girl that is basicaly my best friend now <3) or somewhere else, where u two will be both ready to listen and write long text to each other and support each other and same time tell ur true oppinion no matter how bad or how good it is. I am thankful for this girl she made it so much easier for me and i think i did the same for her. She has been here for me since december and we still talk everyday very long text and tell also other stuff than guy things.
heres the thing. Everyone has those friends that don’t understand the magnitude of how you feel. They’ve had bad experiences and never got there ex back so they’re trying to help you. But you should really just be listening to kevin. Kevin is the one that put many many relationships back together, including his own. While ur friends may be trying to help, they don’t have the same kind of experience and knowledge kevin has. So give kevins way a shot first before you give up. Because ur friends may be trying to help, but kevin is the expert in this department. Thats constantly what I’ve been reminding myself in the last 2 weeks NC.
People go crazy when you talk about wanting your ex back. Just don’t talk about it with anyone who doesn’t personally understand.
@moohy I completely understand how you feel because I’m in the exact situation. In fact I can’t talk to any of my friends about getting my ex back. ALL of them have been completely unsupportive and in fact rude to me. I understand they probably don’t want to hear me talk about it at this point because its been months, but this person was a huge part of my life and I cant let it go. I think one of the main reasons is that none of my friends have been in a relationship with anyone as long as I have. They DON’T UNDERSTAND what its like to lose someone like this. They have no idea how painful it is. I was with my ex for 5 years and practically all my friends have only lasted till about a year with someone.. or a lot less. They cant comprehend what you are doing and why. I actually got so mad at some of my friends who weren’t being supportive at all after they said they would always be there for me…so I deleted their numbers out of my phone and Im not going to talk to them for a while. Im not going to let anyone tell me what to do about my relationship. Basically Im going to keep trying to get my ex back no matter what. Do they know what its like to be so close to someone and feel that they are your soul mate? No, probably not. It really sucks that Ive found out the people I thought were there for me really aren’t. For now im just talking to my parents and a therapist. You need to be positive and don’t let others take away your motivation.
Also I want to add that the boards on here really help for support. I turned to people on here when my friends were telling me I didn’t have a chance. I want to believe that I can get my ex back and ill do what ever it takes. It is extremely hard to put yourself in someone elses shoes unless you’ve actually experienced it. Such as heartbreak on this level. Again, I really sympathize with you because I’m in the same spot. Post on here for encouragement or talk to someone you know can be positive
Playing a bit of Devils advocate here, keep in mind your friends ARE trying to be supportive a lot of the time, just not in the way you want to hear. My best friend, who actually set me up with my ex, told me about 4 months after we broke up and after she confessed she still had some feelings but thought it was too soon, to “never take her back”. Trust me I was pissed right after, I thought hey if he was really my friend he’d support me and help me to win her back if I wanted to, how can he tell me what’s best for my life.
But then I realized, he doesn’t give a damn about the relationship he cares about my well being and honestly believes the best thing for me is to not take her back. He knows how it feels to be heartbroken, he knows the feeling of rejection and he has been in my shoes. It’s not that they don’t understand, it’s that they are saying what they think is best for you, even when you don’t want to hear it. The negative sounding advice is the voice trying to tell you that you may be sugar coating things, feeling false hope. Maybe they are on some level negative pessimists, in that case talk to positive people and after all that examine all the opinions, chances are what really is going on lies somewhere in the middle, not as bad as the negatives say but not as good as the positives claim. But don’t begrude your friends for offering their opinions and feeling the way they do, they’re YOUR friends, not your exes. And at the end of the day, they are the ones who want to help you.
My friends are the same as well. They tell me to forget about my ex because if he really cared he wouldn’t dump me. In a sense I hate when they tell me that and feel like defending him. I mean they don’t know what happened between my ex and I. And I also kind of regret telling my friends because they just tell me to move on, when in reality I’m not ready to. I guess I just don’t want to hear what they say.
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