She said I was too controlling

[FloOKC]

This is my story…
It’s already been two months since my ex broke up with me. She said she was feeling suffocated because I was being insecure and controlling.
I knew I had been demanding because I was feeling really stressed with work, and all I wanted was to be with her. She made me feel safe, and yes she was my security blanket.

But looking back, I realized that all our fights were started by me and always because of little things. I also didnt listen to her when she was talking to me about my insecurities. As much as I want to tell her how sorry I am, I know right now she doesnt feel the same as she used to toward me. And that’s why she broke up with me. She said she wasnt sure if she could get rid of that suffocated feeling she had.

So I need to create attraction again. Make her feel like it’s safe to love me again. Make her feel like I’m supporting her etc. I messed up, and I just want the love of my life back.

Below I will describe what has been happening so far and I hope to get support from you guys. 🙂

[FloOKC]

So this is what has happened so far and I hope you supportive people can help and guide me through this.
1) I already ended NC after a little over a month because a friend of ours was going to have her birthday party and I told her it would be nice if we didnt have to totally avoid each other. I did this over IM. She replied and we’re now technically talking
2) My next message had something to do with one of her GSIs. She’s a media student and I told her about this film grant that she can apply to when she starts making her film thesis. After a couple of days she had started to reply to me and we had this one night where the conversation was going great! I was able to give her Bliss reminders of when we were in our college organization, those were the first years of us dating
3) Now, I’m messaging her about coordinating for another friend’s birthday party, which is something that we did when we were still a couple. I’m only doing this over IM for now because she seems to be less responsive over text. But I see on Facebook that she’s “seen” my message but hasnt replied in two days. I even see her online but I wont engage until she messages me back.
4) I have also been working on myself. In the last few months I’ve lost 20 pounds and have gone one dress size smaller. I’ve been jogging for more than a month now and I always make sure that I have plans with other people over the weekends. I even plan to dye my hair in the next week because we’ll be seeing each other in that other friend’s birthday party that I mentioned, which will be the FIRST time I see her in almost three months.

My goal is to get back together with her before the year ends because that’s when she and I will mostly be free. I really hope this works.

My questions are:
1) what do you think about my situation so far?
2) even if she’s liking my photos of facebook but not replying to my IMs, what does that mean?
3) what should i do while waiting for that part which will be our first encounter? I’m afraid if i dont keep this momentum, I will have to start with NC again 🙁

[Anna]

Hey, it sounds like it’s going really well, despite her not replying to your facebook message.

It sounds like you are in a really good place to initiate a false friendship (I don’t like using that term) You should show her how good a friend you are and how supportive you can be, without being needy/ doormat, let her see how much she depends on the interaction you guys have throughout the friendship, without the pressure of having a romantic relationship.

Just keep meeting up with mutual friends and she’ll come around, I wouldn’t send her any more messages. Just wait it out and she’ll see what she’s missing, just be your awesome self at your mutual friends do. Then give it time.

[josemasa]

Hey, Im kinda a similar situation as yours as far as the contact situation through IM and having to meet with her, which I already did but we had to meet because of mutual friends. Im not saying im correct or an expert at this if not I would be back with my ex myself but relating to your situation take this as my opinion but I wouldn’t contact her anymore if she isn’t replying because you will start to come off ass needy. You will see her soon, when you see each other at this birthday party and I would say this party is the time you can show her the “new” you. I wouldn’t bring anything up anything from the past that’s going to bring up negativity even the not replying to the text messages, just play it cool and see what the meeting leads too.

Good Luck

[FloOKC]

Hey Anna,
Thanks for the support! I just wanted to follow-up what you mean by how the situation is good despite that she isnt replying to me on Facebook, even if she is liking all of my photos….

Hi Josemasa,
Okay. Will keep that in mind! 🙂

[FloOKC]

Also, if she doesnt respond to my IM until the party, should I just not contact her until then?

[FloOKC]

So tomorrow she’s going to have this event that she’s been hard at work for months. It’s a movie premier and they have to sell as many tickets as they can. Their pre-sales havent been good so far so I bought two tickets in support. Both from me. I told her that “a friend” and I each bought a ticket.
Anyway, when confirming the purchase I told her that I couldnt go and that I only bought the ticket for support.
The event is tomorrow and I was thinking if I should wish her luck on the event, even if she hasnt replied to my previous message on Facebook?

Or should I just wait until my friend’s birthday party before I start doing any contacting?

[FloOKC]

Hi friends,
Today is the day of her big event. I’m still wondering if I should wish her good luck even if I’m not going to it.
Is this a good idea? HELP! 🙁

[Author]

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